Major depression...

[DMcD]

I should be happy. Really happy. Law school in a few months, semester is almost over, only one more final exam left. Instead, I feel like giving up. The kids seem out of control to me (but I'm sure they're not), the house is a mess, I'm completely drained and feel like giving up. I feel like none of this is worth it. DH isn't here to help and I'm going out of my mind. My sister lives in the area but she has a mojor heart condition, so she doesn't have the energy or ability to help with housework or my kids. She barely has the energy for her own kids. So I am alone and have no one. I keep wondering why I even bother.

This is not like me at all. I usually try to keep a positive outlook. I am not doing as well in my classes as I would like but I am getting some A's and mostly B's, so it's not like I'm failing any classes. I've already been accepted to the school I want to go to, so my GPA isn't nearly as important as it was before.

I think I need to see a doctor. I wake up in the morning and my teeth and cheeks hurt because I was clenching my jaw all night long. I broke a tooth a few weeks ago because of that. Half of my day is spent feeling like I am waiting for something to happen. There's a constant pressure in my chest and I get anxiety attacks. But I am too tired to get up and move around. I can't fall asleep and when I finally doze off, I can't wake up.

DH will be in Iraq for another four or five months, so this won't end any time soon. I'm not sure I can go on like this. If something doesn't change, I'm going to have a hard time functioning in a few more weeks. I can't afford the dental work.

[lucky]

GO TO YOUR DOCTOR!!!!  Get a counselor for yourself as well.

You HAVE to take care of yourself, or you won't be able to do anything else.  PLEASE make the appointments right away on Monday morning, please?

I know I don't respond too much to many posts, but this one has me really worried for you.  I know the feeling of being all alone with no one to help/rely on.  Get a counselor to dump everything on & talk about it and in the meantime, contact your doctor to get something to wear at night so you don't break off any more teeth and begin taking a medication to help you feel better -- it's only temporary till you're back on track, you know.  I've been there and it was hard to take that step, but I'm glad I did.

Please get hold of your doctor.

Also, while a 4.0 is wonderful to have (I had one for my first AAS - I did it in ~1.5 years) it's not something that a real person with a family to take care of (especially with the other issues involved) can sustain forever.  Don't let that get you down even more.  Holding even a 3.0+ GPA each semester is a lot of hard work and is something to be very, very proud of.  I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves by believing that we NEED that 4.0 GPA instead of telling ourselves that we should work as hard as we can, but still be okay with less than a perfect score.

Take care of yourself, D.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[DMcD]

I know you're right. I broke down and called my mom and she's coming out to help me for a while. I do need to see my doctor. I haven't had a check-up since Katie was born and she turned 2 last month. Just knowing I'll get a little help is such a huge relief. I'm feeling better already. I have a two week break before the summer session starts. I should be able to get to a doctor and dentist during that time. I was given Zoloft when DH was in Georgia but that didn't help at all. I don't know what might help, but I'm willing to give it anything a try right about now. I hate feeling this way and want to feel better. I just carried so much weight over the last 7 months that DH has been gone that I think I've over done it and I'm crashing - emotionally, physically and mentally. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one and I really, REALLY appreciate your response. It helps a lot.

[wendl]

D--
hugs to you honey, I miss talking with ya.

You need to take care of yourself and get to the DR. Forget about your house being clean it isn't that important, knowing you its probably MESSY not dirty. Have the kids help out with things they can.

You have worked so hard in school to quit and it be summer soon. I know you miss DH I don't know how you do it, I have never been apart from my DH for over a week (when he took his boys fishing)

Email me anytime hun.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[DMcD]

I'm finally getting some help. My parents are on their way now. I pick them up from the train station in a couple of hours. I'm going to make an appointment with the doctor and the dentist on Monday morning. I need a lot of dental work. My wisdom teeth are the first priority. I should have had them pulled years ago. The tooth that broke was right in front of my bottom wisdom tooth, so I'm sure that wouldn't have happened (no matter how hard I was gritting my teeth) if I hadn't had that wisdom tooth butting up against it.

At this point, I would classify my house as dirty. I haven't done much of anything these last few weeks. DH left, my house cleaner got another job and finals were coming fast. Not that that is any excuse to let the house get as bad as it has. But it's OK now. My kids' babysitter came over last night and helped me with the kitchen, which was by far the worst room in the house. When my parents get here, they will help me get everything back together again.

I'm not going to quit school. I'm a high school drop out with a ninth grade education. What kind of example is that for my kids and skids? How will we put them through college if we don't have a good income? Working in a law firm or owning my own firm will ensure that my kids will have a better chance at life than I ever did. I won't let depression or anything else stop me from doing that. I just felt like I was working so hard and lost sight of the goal. I think I'll be OK.

I'm going to talk to the doctor to make sure this doesn't happen again. Without DH's help, it sometimes gets overwhelming. I think I had some major burnout. I need to take care of myself so that doesn't happen again. Getting some stuff done around the house, getting it better child-proofed and having the peace of mind that I can get help if I really need it will take so much weight off of my shoulders that I think I can handle things until DH gets home.