We've had a complete about-face here...........

[Kitty C.]

Things have gradually been getting better and better as far as DH having to deal with BM, ever since she told him that SF told her he wanted a divorce.  But still, up to this point, the most her and I had ever exchanged were just a few words.

So when we had SS this weekend, I took him to the shop DH was working at Sat. afternoon, then went to the library to dink around on a computer.  A while later I got a tap on my shoulder and looked up to BM saying 'Hi'.  I responded in kind and went back to my screen.  Later, a piece of paper is laid next to me, I look up again, and here it's her.  The paper is info on a counselor she is telling me she plans to take SS to (something DH told me she had already mentioned to him, and we are in agreement with, she just didn't have the name yet).

Then she just starts to TALK!  She goes into how she understood why her and DH broke up, but she 'just can't understand' why SF says he's not happy anymore.  She even mentions her wanting to go to counseling herself, a HUGE step for her.  We talk about SS and the problems he's going thru, I mention to her that her pediatrician isn't qualified to diagnose ADD/ADHD and that the counselor she plans to take SS to may be able to test thoroughly, or at least recommend someone who can.  I also told her that she might want to consider putting SS on my medical, since I have no premium to pay and it's an HMO.  That there wouldn't have been ANY OOP expense for his tonsil surgery this spring if he'd been on mine.  She said that DH had mentioned the same thing to her and that she was thinking about it.  I bet we talked for a good 10-15 minutes.

She went to make a copy of the counselor's name and addy while I got my library card back.  I then walked over to her and told her that, in regards to SS and all that she's going thru right now (SF filed about a month ago and still hasn't moved out), that if she needs ANYTHING in regards to SS, to just call me, even if it's during the week when DH is on the road.  She thanked me and also told me that she had told SS that he is free to come spend EVERY Sunday (she works 6-6 every Sunday) with us if he wants and doesn't want to be with SF.  Then I left.

Yesterday, DH had to leave around 4:30, since he had a 4 hour drive to where he had to work today.  BM told SS he could stay with me and she would pick him up when she got off work, which he did.  So when she came by, we had ANOTHER conversation!  I was blown away........TWO days in a row!  She had seen my purple magnet ribbon (Chris Alexander's from here) on the back of my car and had asked me (thru SS) a few weeks ago for one for herself, which surprised the heck outta me then.  I had gotten it in the mail recnetly and gave it to her last night.  She then tried really hard to pay me for it, but I refused.  I have found that, despite the fact that her comprehension of things leaves a LOT to be desired at times, we ARE able to communicate and get along quite well.

Later, I told DH on the phone that I have a feeling we'll be having quite a few more conversations...........that it appears I've morphed from being a boogey man and lower than whale crap to someone she apparently trusts and is willing to talk to now.........and in a VERY short time, too!  Of course, DH had to throw in his 'opinion'  ;-) and told me that if we became best of buddies, he's OUTTA there, LOL!  

Eight years ago, if you had told me that this was the way things would have turned out, I'd have told you you were full of it.  But if I've learned anything going down this road, it's that you never know where life will take you and what events will transpire to change your life and that of others as well.  And that conversation yesterday was right in front of SS, so he was able to see that his mom AND his step-mom can and do get along now, that it's one less thing he needs to worry or get stressed about.  He knew the level of animosity his mom 'used' to have towards me, and that it was very high.  I think our conversation yesterday will go a LONG way in helping him heal and cope..........at least I hope and pray it does.  All I know is that I will do everything I can to maintain it.... I will continue to do my part for him.

Some people just natually 'hate' the world and everyone and everything in it.  Some are too 'sick' to see that they are sick and need help.  I think that many of the CP's we deal with fall under one of those two definitions.  And for a long time, I thought SS's BM was one, too.  This past weekend, I believe I was proven wrong.  And all I pray is that some day, some how. some way, many of you are able to find out the same.........