Really long - messy story

[tefffy19712]

Well, I cant really start at the beginning but this is kinda where we are.

In February we served my DH's ex. with papers threatening contempt for not sending the oldest child down on visitations.  In March we were accused of child abuse by mom and the oldest - she also filed an Order of Protection.  DH took supervised as a compromise with the OP - the kid was already in counseling and on meds and DH didnt want to put kid on the stand - plus we felt the PAS was so strong we needed to protect ourselves yet wanted to try to still see the boys (10 & 13).  So we did that and the order was dropped - I met with DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services - Illinois' Child Protection Services) on April 6th - havent heard a word from her since - technically she has until the 19th to finish her investigation - she hasnt called DH's other collateral witness yet.

Three days after the order was dropped BM took the oldest out of a school he loved and put him back in the school he was being picked on and flunking out of - he has been in 3 schools in 3 months - she has moved herself and the kids 9 times in 3 years.  This Monday the boy was institutionalized for suicidal ideations - said if he had to go back to that school he would kill himself.

DH called the couselors yesterday (for the millionth time - they werent returning our calls) and finally talked to the Adminstrator of the counseling center that made the call to have the kid hospitalized.  DH talked to her for awhile - she explained that when kiddo gets out they will do counseling with dad and kid and mom and kid but not mom and dad together - DH asked if they would be looking for any PAS since that is what we know it to be - she asked what PAS was - DH said Parental Alienation Syndrome - she said "we supected something like that but we call it something else" - she wouldnt elaborate any further.

We have spoken to the insitution - told them we suspect PAS and that any time DH and mom are together it turns into a bash dad session so we are staying away for awhile - let the kid destress - but also told them if the kid needs us we would be there instantly.  They agreed to do family counseling seperately with the parents as to not put stress on the kid.  We havent talked to the kid at all - but we did see him through the door - he was smiling.

We filed a motion to remove the supervised visits then we are moving on to custody.

Any thoughts - advice - support????

Steph

P.S. BM's family continues to make abuse accusations (just to others - not the police or DCFS) and blames us for ALL this kids problems.

[Peanutsdad]

Im so sorry,, these are typically the hardest custody cases to deal with,, simply because, the kids get so messed up.


Here are a lot of useful links that others have posted and Ive collected over time.

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


 http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vassiliou.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner06.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-navarre.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner01.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-waldron.htm

 THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand01.htm - size 40kb - 20 Oct 2003
12. Mediation And Parental Alienation Syndrome by Anita Vestal
This article looks at parental alienation syndrome (PAS), which is a complex manifestation of mental and emotional abuse resulting from conflicted parents fighting for custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vestal.htm - size 52kb - 20 Oct 2003
13. Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children
PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003
14. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Studies of target parents who are falsely accused of abuse report they tend to be less disturbed than their accusing counterparts.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.htm - size 53kb - 20 Oct 2003
15. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
16. Parental Alienation Information Archive
All the information on the SPARC site regarding Parental Alienation has been consolidated on this central reference page.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm - size 17kb - 20 Oct 2003
17. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II) (cont.)
In the following case, the accused father was an officer in the military. Testimony on PAS by the defense expert provided the judge and jury with some alternative explanations as to the reasons the children accused their stepfather of abuse.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.htm - size 31kb - 20 Oct 2003
18. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand02.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
19. Expanding the Parameters of PAS
The newness of the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) compels its redefinition and refinement as new cases are observed and the phenomenon becomes better understood.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-cartwright.htm - size 32kb - 20 Oct 2003
20. PAS: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
Although parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a familiar term, there is still a great deal of confusion and unclarity about its nature, dimensions, and, therefore, its detection.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-walsh2.htm - size 24kb - 20 Oct 2003



One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.


 Contempt, Child Support Enforcement and You
This article will address what exactly contempt of court means to you, and more importantly, what to do about it.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/contempt.htm

[putkidsfirst]

What county are you in?

Regarding DCFS, they are beyond awful.  If the report is due on the 19th you won't hear a word before the 19th and more than likely they will never call the other collateral witnesses.  Make sure once you get the report that you ask DCFS to retain it on file rather than destroy to make your case stronger the next time they call, and the next time and the next time.

It sounds like you really have your act together and you're doing the right things and in the right order.  If the boy has suicidal ideas he's probably got other problems that are exacerbated by the PAS, also highly doubtful that BM has any interest in helping him, as long as she can continue to blame you.

Cook and DuPage Counties and DCFS are strongly anti-father.  Hang in there.

[tefffy19712]

We are in Madison County.   I dont know if I wrote this before but our lawyer was with us when I talked to DCFS -she thought it went great so I am hopeful that it will be okay.  I was able to get the information out that the kid was already in counseling and on meds, and they saw the picture of moms trailer that the Health Department kicked her out of. Our lawyer then kicked me out of the meeting with the DCFS worker and showed them the "dadsanasshole" email from the kid and informed DCFS about the PAS and moms role with this already "troubled kid".

I am hoping DCFS will leave unfounded - the lawyer thinks they will and she is supposed to be one of the best in our county.

Yes, I am sure DCFS will be around to see us many times.  Our hope is the kid will get a little better in the hospital and since at least one of his counselors is suspecting something along the lines of PAS - I hope this will all wash out.

What is your experience with DCFS???

Thanks!!