Counselor's records

[oklahoma]

Well, we finally received the records that we requested back in September, for YSD (OSD's in the mail, hopefully, but probably pretty similar.)  It was incredible reading.  Lost what little respect I may have had left for the counseling center and the counseling profession in general....

The records from when my husband was in joint counseling with his daughters had a definite bias toward BM and her version of the "situation."  At the end of almost every session there was a note that counselor called BM to discuss what happened.  But, my husband has never once received a phone call to discuss his daughters--in 3 1/2 years.

Then there were the most recent records, starting about a month after BM would no longer allow visitation.  They keep talking about "what happened" at our house.  But the records don't say what actually happened. Our version: SDs said they wanted to stay.  My husband said OK and called BM, who of course freaked out completely.  SDs changed their minds by Sunday afternoon.  My husband told them their mom would probably not allow them to come back.  BM picked them up, and we haven't seen them since March.  That is "what happened."

But the counselor's records keep talking about Dad not following the rules, and not being consistent, and how much his letters hurt their feelings.  (Jeez, no one cares if Dad's feelings are hurt!)  And the counselor put them in a group for abused children--appropriate touching, what domestic violence is, etc. etc.  My husband is scared to death of what will come next.

I get so long-winded here.  But I just wanted to know what you all do to deal with it....  Our children are 5- and 3-years old--old enough to understand a little when we start venting.  We try to keep the whole mess away from them--we say BM won't let SDs come any more, when they ask when we will see their sisters.  But, receiving the letters at Christmas and now the records creates such tension in our home.  

This will be the first time that my husband has initiated a court hearing (if our attorney ever gets it done), and there is stress and concern related to that as well.  It's frustrating to read all that garbage SDs say about us, and then have to spend $1000s to be able to see them again (on top of the $1000s sent to CS.)  OSD is 13,  YSD is 11 1/2.  Is it possible for them to recognize what BM has done to them, even with a 1/2 decent therapist (depending on a reasonable outcome to court)?  How do you resist the urge to pull out the filing cabinet drawer full of letters, court documents, etc. to show them what really happened?

[dipper]

I can only say.......we are going through something different, but the emotions are the same.

When my dh's ex would verbally attack him in front of their sons, he didnt react.  She cursed and screamed and he took it.  And what happens, nothing...the judge didnt give a rip.  If the shoe had been on the other foot, it would have been entirely different.

I called her a greedy *itch ONCE because all she cared about was who was going to pay for ss' counseling - which of course is us.......and in court she told that I did this over CS.  At any rate, that one time was the reason a clause was put into a court order saying that neither parent nor spouse of that parent could make negative comments about the other in the presence of the child.

Yet, she has repeatedly called me a *itch in front of ss and has called dh anything from selfish to MF and SOB......several times......and the court couldnt care less!

There has been one comment that I have seen and agree with......that you have to love your child, try to contact them, and then let it rest with them.......and live your life to the fullest.  Now, that I have said that....I dont know how you do that...but, it makes a lot of sense!

Best wishes...I really feel bad for your family...but, you can tell you are definitely not alone...