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Court last Friday

Started by oklahoma, May 15, 2006, 02:58:39 PM

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oklahoma

And I just have to vent, even though judge ruled in our favor.  First a little background, since it's been a while since I've been here.  My husband lost his parenting time 3 1/2 years ago when BM accused him of abuse.  Judge was pretty harsh--BM was asking for supervised visits, but judge stopped parenting time completely until 1. anger management counseling, 2. joint counseling with SDs, 3. supervised visits.  And, the kicker, the judge ordered herself as the judge of record for the case.  (We had a pretty inexperienced attorney at the time.  No more.)

My husband did everything as quickly as possible.  BM dragged her feet, so supervised visits didn't start until June 2004.  In September 2004, BM and my husband signed a new parenting plan reinstating regular EOW schedule.  (BM agreed to file the papers in court, since she lived in the county, but we later found out she never did.)

Went OK until December 2004, then SDs complained.  BM said they were "old enough" to decide not to come, so we didn't see them again until February.  Had 2 more visits, they expressed desire to live with us.  BM freaked out when approached.  Haven't seen them since March 2005.  We tried numerous times to contact SDs, BM, and her attorney, no reponse until August when her attorney sent us a letter stating that BM would not agree to anything outside of court.  In September 2005, we retained an attorney.

Finally, last week we end up in court.  Our attorney did a great job--just 8 months later than we wanted.  Judge ordered visits to start again ASAP in a graduated schedule.  But before she could do that, she chewed my husband out for taking a year.  Yeah, we were very concerned about the time issue, but our attorney wasn't going to argue that he was the one dragging his feet; and it might have been uncomfortable to tell the judge we were scared to try it without an attorney since she completely screwed us last time.

Judge didn't reprimand BM in the least.  Grrrr......  BM's last statement on the stand was, with tear-filled eyes, "I just never want him to be alone with the girls ever again."  This was after admitting the only "problems" with the parenting time were the 11- and 13-year old girls complaining about chores and spending time with stepmom, and supposedly being pressured to live with Dad.

We are very relieved with what happened, excited to have visits again, even glad that it will be a gradual schedule--I was stressing about having them full-time for 4 weeks this summer after all the "issues" the past 3 1/2 years.  But there is always just the little annoying thing that Dad for some reason takes second fiddle.....  Like the court making such a point of what "Mom" was uncomfortable with, but not ever asking "Dad" if he had concerns.  Like the fact that no one seemed to care that ex-wife #2 sees the kids more than Dad (she testified at the hearing--pretty amusing.)

Just had to vent a little and move on.  We spent the weekend rehashing the hearing, and celebrating.  Our attorney is planning on starting Saturday visits this week.  Wahoo!

dsm

I'd be prepared for the girls to have a bit of an attitude though.  Given what their mom has said and actions she's taken, I'd be that she has all sorts of stuff put in their heads about each of you.

Yeah, it will be a glorious day when fathers are given the same consideration in court as mothers!!!!!   THEN we can celebrate!  

==============================================================================

dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is

oklahoma

We had our first visit on Saturday and it went great!!  BM "allowed" us to come before the pick up time (10 am) to watch YSD pitch in her softball game (had to meet at the park instead of BM's house.)  I think BM took off at exactly 10 am.  Too bad she couldn't see past her nose and stay to support her daughter.  But my husband was super-psyched to watch his daughter play.  OSDs game was cancelled, and she was a bit bummed that Dad couldn't see her play too.

I was actually a little shocked at the girls' reception--both ran up and gave me a big hug (I'm not a huggy person usually.)  Very excited to see us.  Almost as if nothing had happened.  We spent the day watching softball, picnicking at an old favorite park, and ended up at a family birthday party (pool party--the girls loved it!)  And we dropped them off 10 minutes early--the judge was very specific about not being late, and my husband is well-known for his tardiness.

My husband did take a few minutes to clarify a few things that have happened over the past year--mainly that we HAVE tried to see and speak with them, and that we were told they were stressed out about seeing their dad.  They both seemed a little uncomfortable talking about it, but genuinely surprised at what we were told.

All in all it was a great day.

dipper

That is great!  I know how frustrating court can be...these women play their games and then the court acts like they are rescuing damsels in distress...makes me sick.  But, in the end, you won.

You won!  You won! You won!

And hopefully, now you and dh will have the contact to help these girls grow up without anger and hatred....To have the love and support of all parents.....as it should be....