Children unsupervised in Mother's care!

[kitten]

My bf is in a serious custody battle with his ex.  He is and always has been a very loving, attentive father.  She is attempting to move the children (3, 4, and 7) from CA to AK to marry a man the kids have never met and she accepted a proposal from 3 mo. after the separation.  It is clear she is using this man as an excuse to get back at the kids dad.  She is also using the children(PAS).  My bf has e/o/w and Tue & Thur. from 6-8pm.  The mother lets the kids play in the neighborhood unsupervised.  She sends them outside to play until bedtime.  This was not allowed by Dad when they were still married.  Tonight my bf was driving into his old neighborhood to pick up the kids and his 4 yr old son ran right out in front of his car from behind an ice cream truck!  He almost hit him!  He then saw his 3 yr old sitting on the side walk 2 houses down from her home.  When he pulled up to the house, all the doors were closed and his ex and their 7 yr old were inside.  About a month ago, the 4 yr old was ouside unsupervised and fell off a ladder and broke his arm.  The mother did not take him to the Dr. for a whole week even though he complained of pain and the father also asked her to take him.  We feel the children are in danger, they need adult supervision! What can we do before one of them ends up dead or missing???!!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

WOW! This is child endangerment. If I were your boyfriend, I would call the cops and have a welfare check done. Let the cops report her not watching the kids. Would any of her neighbors be willing to speak up?

I would also drive by periodically with a good witness have a camcorder and check on those kids myself. Just be very careful, she could get him for stalking.

I am surprised the Doctor let this go so quietly.

Another choice would be DCFS, but they probably won't listen to him. It would be better if one of her neighbors call her in.

[kitten]

Here's the kicker: the neighbors have all rallyed around her.  They have all witnessed him taking care of the kids in the past and being a good dad, but when he left she called all of his friends, family and walked around the neighborhood telling the neighbors that he is different than they all think, she is a victim and scared for her children!!!!  These neighbors also think it is ok for their children to play outside unsupervised.  There are a lot of divorced bitter women that she has since befriended in the neighborhood and she also went to the male neighbors and told them her ex has exibited "erratic" behaviour since the divorce and she fears for her safety.  

I was surprised by the Dr. too.  My bf did not find out about the fall from the mother.  His 4 yr old son told him about how he fell off the neighbors ladder during visitation, this was 2 days later.  He called the mother that night to ask what happened and when he told her it was still hurting and could she take him in to get it checked she just said he was fine.  The next day, she made the 4 yr. old call Daddy and leave a message saying that mommy just took him on a bike ride and his arm does not hurt anymore.  I guess when the son continued to complain, she finally took him in.  She then left a vm with bf saying (in a very sweet, innocent tone) that he has a fracture and that the Dr. said it was ok that "they" waited so long to take him in since it is hard to tell if it is a break on small children and it will heal quickly.  My bf has a good lawyer, but what we have learned is that Dads have to pick their battles.  One step at a time....
Do you think a "neighbor" could make an annonymous call to the proper authorities regarding unsupervised children running around the neighborhood?

[SLYarnell]

with the new LaMusga move away decision.

partially shown below

LAMUSGA, MARRIAGE OF
Case No. S107355, Supreme Court of California

Date (YYYY-MM-DD): 2004-04-29
Event Description: Opinion filed:

'In the present case, the superior court ordered that primary
physical custody of two minor children would be transferred
from their mother to their father if their mother moved to
Ohio. The Court of Appeal reversed, holding that if the
custodial parent "has a good faith reason to move . . .
the custodial parent cannot be prevented, directly or
indirectly, from exercising his or her right to change the
child's residence" unless the noncustodial parent makes
a "substantial showing" that a change of custody is "essential"
to prevent detriment to the children. We granted review to
determine whether the Court of Appeal in the present case
misapplied our holding in Burgess. We conclude that it did
and reverse its judgment.

As explained below, we conclude that just as a custodial
parent does not have to establish that a planned move is
"necessary," neither does the noncustodial parent have to
establish that a change of custody is "essential" to prevent
detriment to the children from the planned move. Rather, the
noncustodial parent bears the initial burden of showing that
the proposed relocation of the children's residence would
cause detriment to the children, requiring a reevaluation
of the children's custody. The likely impact of the proposed
move on the noncustodial parent's relationship with the
children is a relevant factor in determining whether
the move would cause detriment to the children and, when
considered in light of all of the relevant factors, may be
sufficient to justify a change in custody.

If the noncustodial parent makes such an initial showing
of detriment, the court must perform the delicate and
difficult task of determining whether a change in custody
is in the best interests of the children. The father in
the present case satisfied his initial burden of showing
that the mother's planned move would cause detriment to the
children, requiring a reevaluation of the children's custody.
The superior court properly considered the relevant factors
and did not abuse its discretion in deciding that a change
in primary custody from the mother to the father would be
in the best interests of the children if the mother moves
to Ohio.'

'On remand, the superior court should consider the views
expressed in this opinion and may consider the parties'
present circumstances in issuing any further custody and
visitation order.'

[MYSONSDAD]

Sounds like my PBFH. She too, as rallied all friends and neighbors. But it takes one person who really cares to turn her in. There has got to be one person who sees thru her games. Doing a welfare check could be the key. But you have to know for sure the best time for them to go there.

If you still have that message, tape it. She is having the kids lie for her.

[kitten]

He has saved all the nasty vm's she has left.  They are going through a custody evaluation and he put them on disk so that the evaluator can hear what she is doing.  Also, he has been in contact with their former mutual friends and they all said she called them and told a bunch of lies about him.  They have all agrred to be character witnesses for him.  But the immediate problem is the children's safety.  Do I just call the local law enforcement and ask them to do a welfare check?  Pretend to be a concerned neighbor?

[StPaulieGirl]

Three and four years old are too young to be out of the yard by themselves.

Stay away from the neighbors.  She's got them hoodwinked.  If possible, borrow someone else's car and tape the kids running all over the place.

I don't like liars, and the woman you're dealing with is a good one.  Watch out for her.  Also do not trust Social Services.  You're under the impression that by calling the county, they'll hand the kids over to Dad. You're mistaken.  Of course there is a chance that they would, but most likely they kids are processed into the foster care system.  I'm in CA, but the Federal government has offered incentives towards adopting kids in foster care out to new homes, so it doesn't really matter what state you're living in.

I'm glad that your bf has a good lawyer.  Run the borrowed car and camcorder idea past him.  He'll tell you if the ex wife could nail you all for stalking.  He also may have some good ideas.  Let's pray that in the meantime, the kids don't get hit by cars.  Their mother is an idiot, imo...

[MYSONSDAD]

If you want to get the real facts on what is going on and the proof, hire a PI. What she is doing is wrong and the neighbors are adding to the problem.

Yes, it will cost a few bucks, but you will have the proof you need for court.

Good luck!

[kitten]

Thank you for your advice.  I am also in CA and fear CPS becoming involved, that is the reason I am not sure what to do.  Last night we wrote a letter to the court evaluator telling her of what is happening and positioned it in a way that he is just a concerned father and when he tried to speak to the mother about the issue, she became beligerant demonstrating her unwillingness to co-parent.  W cc'd it to his attorney.

[kitten]

Any idea how much that could run?  We are almost tapped out to pay his attorney as it is.

[MYSONSDAD]

I would say somewhere in the neighborhood of $500, that would be for around 10 hours, depending on your area. but it is what you get in return. Great amo for court and that alone should save you legal costs, the same amount you spent. I would want to know the truth on what is really going on. If there is neglect, you might save one of those kids from a serious injury before it happens.

It will help too, if you know the time of day when most of this occurs.

[kitten]

Thank you for your advice, I looked up some PI's and will start calling.

[StPaulieGirl]

I've heard some bad things about GAL's, but if you were to be able to tape those kids running wild, then show it to him/her, it would be substantial proof that the mother is not doing her job.

Imo, she's belligerent because she knows he's right.  You just don't let kids that young run all over the place.  Don't corner her, she's too unstable.  Try and take it through the attorney.

[kitten]

She has now accused the father of abusing the 3 yr old girl.  She says he spit in her face.  Makes me sick that a mother would use and abuse her children in such a way.

[StPaulieGirl]

I really would step up that request for a pyschiatric evaluation on her.  That's just gross.  I'm just repeating what I read here over the years, but you might want to videotape all encounters and have an independent witness present.

I believe in playing a straight game.  The last 4 years has showed me that suckers finish last, so if you know what buttons to push, push them and document the results.  

Btw, my ex used to spit in the kids faces, not to mention all the other stuff.  He has never played things straight and honest, and he has reaped the rewards.  What's up with that?

[kitten]

I really appreciate all of your feedback, it is a difficult situation to say the least.  My bf has never spit in his childs face or abused them in any way.  Despite what his ex is doing, he NEVER bad mouths her to them.  The evaluator is doing an evaluation on both parents.  She has made many false allegations of physical abuse against him with no proof (there is none) all she has to say is that she "fears" him.  She forced the evaluation because she wants to move the children from CA to AK to remarry.  The only way for her to get permission from the court to take  the children away from their father is try to portray him as an abuser.  We are hoping the evaluator and then the judge will be unbiased in this case and experienced in PAS cases and be able to see through her game.  My bf and I are in hopes that she will be refused permission to move and that he will be given primary custody only because we hope that will make her realize that she needs therapy and can become a better mother.  He would like the two of them to have 50/50 because that is what will be best for the children.  She started this whole thing and continues to cause it to fester, we just want her to stop hurting the children.