One man's response to fight back............

[Kitty C.]

http://www.decentdad.com/index.htm

Sounds like this guy is MORE than determined to see this thru, especially since all the events are within the last 6 months.  And I think he's got a very good shot of getting what he's asking for...50/50.

[DecentDad]

Wow,

In late 2002 and the first half of 2003, I hosted a website called //www.decentdaddy.com

After about six months, I dropped it, and I allowed the domain to expire in late 2003.

Here's a glimpse of an archived version of it at http://web.archive.org/web/20030212031008/http://decentdaddy.com/

So... it's either really coincidental that his site is so similar, or this guy copied my idea (which is fine, if it's for a good cause) but didn't bother to mention he took the idea from another person.  I guess I should write to him.  :)

The "original" DecentDad

[Peanutsdad]

DD,,

I think the site looks so similar simply because its a tory we all hear 100 times a day.

[StPaulieGirl]

Interesting.  I appreciate the fact that this father wants to have equal access to his child, but nothing is mentioned about why the mother split like that.  She tells him she is leaving, picks up the baby and just leaves.

I have read so many summaries from dads who have gotten completely burned, but I've never seen it laid out like this.  Rather unemotional, if you ask me.  You all should go over it again.

[richiejay]

While I agree it is unemotional.......we are also seeing this well after the initial blow of mom leaving.  In my case, I was extremely emotional when my ex tried to take my son from me..but that got me nowhere.  When I held my emotions in check, and painstakingly went through the process..it was only then that I received results.  I don't know all the particulars of this guys story, just offering a possible explanation of a more "factual" presentation...

[kitten]

Mother's split with their children all the time.  They feel "entitled" and for some ignorant reason think children don't need their Daddies.  I don't feel it is unemotional at all.  Men think more praSLURPically than women, women think and act on emotion.  THAT is why so many women feel it is ok to split with the kids.  I've gone over it a few times already.  My bf is LIVING it and facing the loss of his 3 small children soon because of an emotionally needy, desperate ex.  During this process, anytime my bf has shown any kind of emotion regarding the children, he has been accused of being "unstable" and acting "erratic".  Men are forced to act unemotional.  

[StPaulieGirl]

In real life, I do my best to hold my emotions in.  I try and act like a grown up.  Online, I tend to spew, screech, and pull my hair out.  It's quiet right now though, thank God.

I am curious as to the particulars.  Most people will come straight out with the facts, as they see them.  I don't buy the statement that he didn't marry her, so she's out of there.  She moved in with her folks, not some other guy, which is a common reason why women leave.

It's probably not even worth speculating about.

[StPaulieGirl]

I was commenting on this man's unemotional writing style.  Reread your post.  That is honest emotion.  I don't mean to pick pepper out of fly sh*t, but something about his account doesn't seem right to me.

True, you cannot "act out" in public, but it's emotionally healthy to let loose in your writings.  It's no big deal to me.  It's his website, he can write as he chooses.

Read my reply to RichieJay.

[kitten]

>In real life, I do my best to hold my emotions in.  I try and
>act like a grown up.  Online, I tend to spew, screech, and
>pull my hair out.  It's quiet right now though, thank God.
>
I think it's great that you (all of us here) have this online discussion group to vent to, not everyone likes to do this though.  Not everyone can write emotionally.  Maybe those are the particulars as he sees it.  He seems to have been blind-sided by her leaving.

You are right, it is not worth speculating about.  The real issue is his struggle to be a father to his little girl and her own mother trying to prevent it.  I wish him and anyone else going through it my best.

[kitten]

 Men are forced to act unemotional.

willskitten

[StPaulieGirl]

Only in public...

Keep it up, and I will publish an account of 25 years worth of abuse.  Chapter and verse.

Obviously you're pretty young.  Have you ever considered the gross violations of the Constitution?  People's rights are being trampled!  That means parental rights!  CPS is going after  intact families who choose to homeschool thier children.   It's a horror show, little girl.   No one will ever see me cry in public, and most of the people here will agree with me.

Btw, Ronald Reagan died today.  Say a prayer for Nancy.  

[kitten]

Then publish it.  Obviously you're bitter and that's understandable.  It is also obvious that I am younger than you and your crass attitude.  I'm sorry you've been hurt, we all have and I hope someday you can find a little peace in your life.
The horror show is happening in front of my eyes, I am not naive.  I am witness to parental rights of a wonderful father being trampled as we speak.
 If I so choose, as the mother of two small children, I could go to the courthouse today and say my ex is acting "erratically" and that I "fear" for my safety and WHAMMO destroy their father's life!  I would NEVER do that, but many, many women do.  They destroy their children's lives out of spite and bitterness.  We need to get a handle on this.  THAT is the issue.
Maybe you could use your past abuse to help advise others(who are young and new to this, like me) instead of just writing such inflamatory comments.

[StPaulieGirl]

I'm bitter about how people get away with things, while others are penalized for breathing.  I resent the fact that the government is quietly usurping state rights, right down to school districts.  You need to know this.  I am shocked at the indifference that the younger generation shows towards the erosion of their constitutional rights...until something happens to them.  My 21 yr old is a prime example.  She won't register to vote, because...gasp!...she might be called up for jury duty.

We'll never get a handle on anything in the court system until we stretch our necks out, and do something about it.  

My story is that darn near everything that the guys here have been accused of, my ex has done and gotten away with it.  I just wanted to be left alone.  I wasn't interested in tar and feathering him because I feared reprisal.  I put up with too much stuff out of fear, so when I hear about a guy getting served at work, then getting 30 minutes to clear out his stuff....if he's lucky, raises red flags with me.  No way in hell would I have pulled this stuff.  Just how scary and abusive is he?  With people like my ex, restraining orders are a joke.

Erratic?  My second oldest daughter nicknamed him "the artist formerly known as daddy".  He cheated on me, among other things.  He went on a binge when we separated(actually it started when we got the first computer).  My ex BIL told me their mom was ready to kick his ass (they lived together).  He did this all in front of the kids.  He would take the kids for visitation, then go off on dates.  They spent visitation with their uncle and grandma, not dad.  Not that was a bad thing.  When he announced that he was moving in with his gf, the kids thought he had only known her for a week.  The visit before, there was another woman.  Turns out that he had been seeing her and everyone else for that last six months.  Yuck.  So much for her being that "special woman" in his life.  

This does not send a good message to children, and I sympathize with fathers and stepmothers who see this going on in the children's home with a CP.  It is not a good enviroment to raise kids in.  There is nothing you can do about it either.  His wife called CPS on me 2 years ago, based on nothing but what lies my ex told her.  Well he had to tell her something, didn't he???  He also filed first and gave me sole physical custody, then proceeded to tell all his coworkers that I cheated on him!  

Bitter?  Try humiliated.  I am faced with taking him back to court to iron out the QDRO that was never filed.  His attorney told the judge that they would "take care of it".  I'm sure he spoon fed his lawyer the same garbage as he did everyone else.  Well it's been 4 years.  Hey, I gave him moral support, not to mention having his dinner ready on time.  I did work that he brought home in the job he had before the one he has now.  My mom typed up his resumes.  I was there for him, and if I hadn't been constantly pumping his damn ego, he'd still be a parts driver instead of making 6 figures for a defense contractor.  I kept thinking if only he had a job that made him happy, home life wouldn't be so ugly.  Yes, I am a dummy.  I need that half of the retirement to take care of the youngest one if he dies.  

If you consider being called a "little girl" inflammatory, I apologize.  Your generation needs to step up and be part of the process to address these violations of every parent's rights.  At least email and fax your representatives about your concerns.  For God's sake, vote.  Research the judges up for reelection in your district.  If these clowns start to realize a bi-partisan uprising against judicial and constitutional abuses, maybe they'll wake up.  I think it's too late, though. I just read a story about a father who took his son off Ritalin and was threatened with legal action.  His son was not doing well on the meds, so dad took him off.  
I've left out some of the things that I most want to forget, but you get the picture.  Whether or not I can give advice depends on the subject, but I'm very sympathetic to everyone here who is getting burned.  Especially the kids...

[kitten]

Thank you.  I'm sorry you and your kids have gone through so much.  I can now understand your being defensive and suspicious of some of the dads.  I think we all need to realize that it is not a bio mom proplem or a bio dad problem, it is just a problem.  It is a government problem.  
BTW...I do vote.  My bf votes.  We are not as young as you may think, just new to the custody battle.  New to the judicial abuses and to the violation of parents rights, you can't really know what is happening until you go through it yourself.

[StPaulieGirl]

It's not that I'm defensive,  but men as well as women are abusive, and have an ability to lie convincingly.  I think the first problem we need to tackle is the no fault divorce statutes.  The next thing is to restore any and all rights back to the states, regarding jurisdiction in domestic matters.  Unless there is abuse, standards should be set for uniform visitatation.  It is so impossible these days with jobs being outsourced, housing prices going through the roof, etc, for people to truly have 50/50 custody.  I've often said that if you get along that well, why aren't you still together?  What a mess.

I'm glad to hear that you and your bf vote.  Your vote counts.   I'm up to my neck in probate with a jerk for a lawyer...who might just get replaced..., so it's not just family court that is screwed up.  It would be good if someone who is organized could get people together and vote out the judges who show a complete lack of common sense, or totally ignore the laws.

Want to see an example?  //www.terrisfight.org

I even had the nerve to fire off an email to Laura Bush.  Gov. Bush of FL, got a law passed that reinserted her feeding tube after 6 days of starvation and dehydration.  If she wanted to die, as her husband claims, why did she fight to stay alive?

They are fighting Gov. Bush tooth and nail.  It's sick and disgusting, and coming to a town near you.

I'm kind of cranky this week.  I really liked President Reagan.  My mom died of Alzheimer's last September, and my heart goes out to Nancy.  She is the example of a good wife.  She never left his side.  He was the first president I was old enough to vote for.  I voted for him both times.  Nancy came under quite a bit of criticism for redecorating the White House, but when the hillbillies looted the place, they made sure to grab the silverware that Nancy purchased.  Thank God Ronnie never knew about that.

For reading material, check out Roger F. Gay, and of course, Glenn Sacks.  Glenn's material is posted here frequently.

[kitten]

I am familiar with Terri Schiavo's story.  I was a devoted Glenn Beck listener until they took him off my local talk radio statio. :(  He has been very passionate about her and her family's struggle.  

My bf's lawyer told him yesterday that the reason it has been so easy for the x to limit his presence as a father in his kids lives by misrepresentation and flat out lies is because of OJ Simpson.
She is a classic example of using the court sytem to legally harass and alienate her children and their father.  Sick woman.  The children are being seriously emotionally abused and put in dangerous situations by their mother and their father can only sit and watch and hope that someone will help him give them their childhood back.  We are almost out of money to fight this battle.  Who will help these children?