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Access to school records

Started by ADG, Feb 17, 2005, 10:41:36 AM

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I have shared legal and physical custody of my son with no primary parent. I am in GA.

Well, last Thursday I went to my son's Parent-Teacher Conference. I walked in and lo and behold, in walks the assistant principal (the same principal I had emailed twice and left 3 phone messages for that went unanswered over the last 6 months). Introductions...and then the teacher and I went through all of the academics and addressed issues with letters and numbers and handwriting, etc usual stuff.

The teacher then asked me if I had any questions and I did. I started out by asking what had elevated me to VIP status to have an administrator present. (NOTE: a few weeks ago I had phoned the school and asked for a copy of the excuse submitted for my son's absence...he had been kept out of school for "being bad" and the ex had written a note stating he was sick). The principal stated that b/c I had asked for a copy of the excuse that she was present. She also stated that I could not have access to it as it was not part of the permanent record so I could not have it. I stated that I had complied with their request of providing a copy of my CO which clearly stated that I have access to all info about my minor child. I also asked why the CO had not been obtained from my son's mother. She replied well, isn't there only one decree? I let that one go. I then asked for a copy of his attendance record showing the absence and the reason for it and she still declined to provide it. During the meeting, I asked her if she would please keep the excuse on file as it would most likely be sought during pending legal action between the ex and I. She did not answer. I then addressed several other issues and wrapped up the meeting. The entire meeting was conducted in front of the teacher, the principal, and the paraprofessional.

Later I sent a polite email as follows to the teacher and the principal:


As followup to our conference today for my son, first of all let me say thank you as I know you are both very busy. As always, I will continue to work with him at my home to address his ongoing needs as highlighted in our meeting. In fact he and I worked on sounds on our ride home and after we arrived at home this evening. Also, as noted in the conference, I will be in touch with Ms. WWWWWWW to perhaps enlist her assistance in helping XXXXX with any issues he may be having at present.

Given all the paperwork and such that you all probably have to sort through, I am sure you do not have time to read every decree or similar document you encounter; thus I thought perhaps it would be beneficial to provide you the specific sections of the decree that detail custody and access to information for XXXXXXX:


To answer your question from yesterday Ms. XXXXX, yes there is only one decree and it applies to both parents and consideration of this fact in the future is greatly appreciated as we all work together to make certain XXXXXX gets the best possible education.

I also wanted to recap by reiterating my request as follows:

- In response to Ms. XXXXXX's denial/refusal to provide me with a copy of the attendance record or excuse submitted to the school for XXXXXXX's absence on the grounds that it is confidential and is not a part of the permanent record; while I did not offer any significant protest to this perception despite a court order providing me access to all of XXXXX's records, I do respectfully request that the excuse be maintained on file as it may be sought at a later date as pending court action (as stated to the both of you in our meeting) between XXXXXXX's mother and I progresses.

Should you need to reach me, my cell phone is xxx-xxx-xxxx.



Well, today the principal evidently phoned the ex and has her all stirred up and ranting in a voice mail (I do not answer while at work) about why I would be discussing anything with them and such and to please call her.

I got home...fired up the tape recorder and phoned her. My son answered...he told me about his day and I congratulated him on a good day...I then asked if Mommy was there. He said yes but it was a bad time and she would call me back..he then stated Daddy, "Mommy is going to talk to the principal tomorrow and I know you are trying to lie to them." Once again...as usual, I dismissed it with him and told him he just needed to go to school and do good. He then said, "Daddy, Mommy told me you were lying to my teacher." I again simply said I had not and I would not discuss it with him....



Hey I have handled every situatuion that you have with waaayyyyy Less grief , My atty advised me on how to handle this , And I have found that schools and doctors have been sued for all this crap , And they basically know all this stuff , Here's the rub ,
   They are not your problem and you are probably subjecting them to venom that really isn't there problem ,
    The first thing My atty said to me is this , You can probably handle this with out atty's and this gets reall expensive If you have to have an atty ,
    SO he said , Go to the school and be really nice , and if they refuse Just give them a copy of the parenting plan , and say My atty say's that unless there is something in there that prohibits me from haveing the info then I can have it,
    WELL  !!! In My case the psycho was allready up to the doctor and the school ,  Flaunting the plan stateng that because she had SOLE CUSTODY that they were to give me absolutely nothing , . SO My situation never got that far , I said what My atty said to say , Ok Cool so did you find anything that prohiibits me from haveing   the information about my Son , And they said Well let us read through it ,.   So I went out , Called My atty , He said Ok , But don't go making a bunch of threats about legal action and etc , Just Be nice and go back in a few days and ask for it , So I did , And they wanted to balk , But I again said , My atty told me unless there is something to prohibit me from haveing the information then I have access to it , So they said Ok well sign this Disclosure statement , I did they said , We don't want any part of this, (and by now) I was friendly to them . And they basically said we don't want to hear her crap[ about it so don't say We did any thing , etc , And similarly I have the right to go to his school and I do , But again My atty said , Be nice and show them you are not like she say's ... So I will say You have set off on  Battle royal . Here's what I suggest . Go to the school again and say  " Hey look there are complications etc , I am sooo sorry we got off on the wrong foot , And I said any thing about legal action ,and the VIP smartass statement , It was all UN CALLED for , What I really want is to Have access to My sons records , Just the same As I would Normally ,If we all lived together , I just get frustrated Becuase there have been a few stories told about me that are not true ,And I just want what Would be normal  for me too have and thats Full knowledge about my son ,    

    The basics are I amn going to be blunt , It just looks stupid to go threaten them , And I learned that there real Issue is not you !!! It is more likely  to cover there own ass!!! so Try the nice apolgetic thing , Now I get along just fine at the school , I go there and talk to the about normal stuff , another angle that puts this into perspective . Go to the school and act like there is no issue, as if things are normal and you are the father , etc
  Also I have many other posts about how I dealt with The bad talk with mom etc , I don;t feel like going through that , But My case has progressed through all the normal crap that yours has , And I have found that Talking bad about mom Doesn't work , BUT I have found that an age appropriate explanation of what Is going on so they understand is necessary , Becuase the mother has also slandered me , to My son It was different , But still the same , And It is My opinion that with out slandering mom you have to provide a bit of a defense , As an Example I had to explian to my son what A lie is , And its basically similar , And I said to Him , If I offer you a piece of candy In My hand and try to tell you this Is candy , and I show him My hand , (empty ) and say , See no candy , But I said there was , And this is not the truth that I said to you about the candy ,
   Then I said . Your mom alway's say's I am BAd , (because he told Me she does ) Then I said Have you ever seen me be bad ? We just do things together , And your mom tells you that, to try to get you to not like me , , Then I just have fun with him and proved I am good , And I tell him I love him etc ,
  So One day he said , My mom is lying , she say;s you are bad and I can see you are not bad "
   So this is how it worked for Me , There is way more to this than just what I wrote ,
 If Talk  very much to  my son About mom ,He changes the subject , They are not comfortable with this crap ! I just had My son today , And I asked him [ONE) sentence about If his Mom was still bad mouthing me , And he said no , And that was it for him , I am telling you Very much of involving the kids will eventually back fire one her , And the less you do it the better for you , Just have fun and make him like the visits you do have ,  provide a bit of a defense about this crap and don't give up!! My situation is coming around , It takes persistance and focusing on loving the child ,You will win ,  Maybe not custody, But the basic picture is we just want a good relationship with our kids and think that the Psycho could ruin it, I no longer think she can , Because she tried all this shit , And I have done WAY more than I could right a book about , But  the stuff that gave me forward progress Is what I have written , The basics , MAKE THE VISITS GOOD !! , I go to the hobby store and force my self to enguage in healthy projects with My son . It's really cool to put toy airplanes together and let his Boy hood loose at the park , and bring his bike, And of course usually destroy the airplane , The Way I se it is this , You are a man and only you and I can Identify with boy hood , Like Mom can  identify with Barbie ,mom can't Identify with the fact that My son thinks ,I have really cool tools and Gadgets , I have learned this and I know My guy stuff is way cool . Like My BB gun , I let Him shoot under supervision ,
   This is My experience , It seems to be this way , Be a good dad and love your child and don't let the bitch interfere with one visit , or file contempt ,