Mistofelees & Helping Hands Menstruation Issue

[Ref]

it is simply to get your attention to this thread. It is not bad form.

You will see people post names on the header if they know someone as more knowlege in the situation then they do and think that person might give some good advice.

You will see people posting names so they can carry on a conversation from one board to another (like in this case).

I've been around for a long time on this board. Much longer than my current "joined on date" states. I have never know someone to assume they are being attacked because of this besides you.

I really think you are often just ready to fight. Noone is attacking you. There is no need to get defesive and short.

I really do think you give some really good advice, but it seems clouded by a lot of anger.

You will probably construe this as an attack, but it is not. I just want you to know that you don't have to fight all the time on here. It is a pretty safe place, except for the occasional troll.

best wishes,
Ref

[mistoffolees]

I disagree.  I've been participating in bulletin board discussions since the early 90's. In almost every case, it's considered rude at best and aggressive at worst to start a thread with someone's name in it. Perhaps this board doesn't follow that much, but it's a general Internet truism.

Furthermore, it's silly. The entire point of a bulletin board is to facilitate discussion among EVERYONE who knows something. If you want to discuss it with one person, you address them by email rather than by a public posting. If you want to discuss it publicly, you post the TOPIC and then anyone who wants to discuss it can participate.

Finally, read all the posts in the Socrateaser board and here on this topic. The other person calls anyone who doesn't agree with them names. If you don't buy their way of looking at it, you're stupid, misguided, or just plain wrong. I just don't buy that.

And, no, I don't see your post as an attack because you're not running around telling everyone who disagrees with you that they're stupid.

[jilly]

..."it seems to me that the right thing to do is for the father to be a little bit flexible to support the girl's needs - at least for the first year or two."


So you're saying the Father should miss time with his DD for the first year or two after she starts her peirod??!!!  What kind of sense does that make??

If there's a SM in the house she could help SD just as well as the BM can.  I think it's a lame excuse.

My SD is 9 and she's started asking her Mom questions about the "birds and the bees".  Surprisingly enough, the ex let DH know about this. Even more surprising, she's told SD that should she start her period while at our house to come to me and I'll help her.  If DH's ex ever tried to use this excuse he'd set her straight in a heartbeat.

[notnew]

You Posted:

"Finally, read all the posts in the Socrateaser board and here on this topic. The other person calls anyone who doesn't agree with them names. If you don't buy their way of looking at it, you're stupid, misguided, or just plain wrong. I just don't buy that."

My response:

I hope the "other person" you are referring to is not me as I have NEVER done any of these things and don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me. However, sometimes you have to see that bluntness is the best route to go. Believe me, I have had my feelings hurt several times over the years.

Mist: Not everyone on here allows e-mail exchange. I don't and I am VERY cautious about exchanging e-mails with anyone and have only done so with ONE person on here in all these years. I was originally posting under a different name and was "made" by the BM. Not that it amounted to anything, it just felt like an invasion to me and now I am much more cautious to keep my peace of mind.

If you look on Soc's board today, you see he has instructed no more posts on this subject on his board. I know what I am talking about when I say he doesn't want his board filled up with our opinions or input. He just doesn't have time for it and we need to respect that. That is the ONLY reason why I put the names in the subject line - to make it easy to find.

Now, as I have tried to do, I don't want to pick with you over this. I never meant for this to mushroom into a huge conflict.

[Tennessee Dad]

Had to chuckle through this one!!!  

Have three girls myself, and we made it through the first two with no problems (btw, we had joint, every other week).  Youngest is 9 (I have custody), so my time is coming on that one.  And I can almost hear her BM with some lame excuse like this one.  If she taken care of her, she would have still had custody instead of me.  

Now, the other side of the coin.  Can you imagine BM's response if NC-Dad used a similar excuse with sons?  Sort of like, "little Johnny is maturing, and starting to get erections, so I think he needs to be with ME"; you know, Mom, just so I'll be there in case he has a "wet dream""?  Bet that one wouldn't fly with custodial BM, now would it?  What a joke!

Yes, parents should have compassion and understanding for their kids, and give a little extra when they need it.  But legal action, based on a future event seems a little far-fetched to me.  JMHO

[wysiwyg]

exactly what I said - except I used the "voice changning" for little Johnny.  My dad had custody of me in 1965 and when I started my period no where did anyone even FATHOM this type of situation.  Life moves forward and you know - my daughter is a Sgt in the Army, can you hear it now, I am sorry Mr. President I can not go to Iraq and fight for my country, I have cramps, maybe next week."  Sorry, but while I believe that the child needs compassion, I am certain that both parents are capapble of working on making the daughter comfortable while respecting this time of hers in some sort of remedy, and not making it a public scene to the judicial system that she has started her period, which I am sure would be devastatingly embarassing to her.

[mistoffolees]

I don't think anyone is suggesting that this should be handled in the courts.

I just think it's sad that so many people are so wrapped up in their own power struggle that they wouldn't even consider letting the girl have more time with her mother if she wished during this time.

Sad, very sad.

[Tennessee Dad]

Sorry, I guess I didn't say it very tactfully; but, hey, it's the way guys think!  

[mistoffolees]

Not all guys. Some guys actually care for their daughter's feellings.

[Mamacass]

So why not compromise.  Let the daughter spend her first period with her mom.  Other than that, life and custody as normal.  

I remember when I started, and yes, the first time it was uncomfortable.  I didn't want to discuss it with anyone, and I didn't want to go anywhere.  I remember we had plans to go out to eat the first night I had my period, and I asked my mom if I could stay home.  Her reaction was that it was a natural part of life, and it shouldn't keep me from doing anything I normally would.  And yes, she made me go to dinner.  It taught me that it wasn't a big deal.  

I also remember my very first day of high school when my period showed up unexpectedly.  I had to call my dad to explain I needed to leave early (I needed to change).  Since my dad couldn't leave work I had to get my brother to give me a ride home.  Yes, this was slightly embarassing for a teenager, but I survived it.  (I live with both my parents, but we always called dad when we had to leave early b/c he had a flexible schedule, mom did not).  And actually my brother was very supportive and I have no doubt that he will be just as supportive of his 3 daughters.  

Anyways, while I may not discuss my period with my dad, I could always ask him to pick up what I needed from the store.  

I don't see that visitation should have to change for 1-2 years because of a period.  It is not that big of a deal.  However, I could see the child wanting to be at her mom's house for the first occurence.  

It sounds to me that BM is grasping at straws to find a reason to get time with her daughter more.  While understandable, she should come up with a better excuse because she sounds a little ridiculous.