New to the site, here's my story

[lucasjustice]

   So in November me and my girlfriend at the time had a beautiful baby girl born to us.  Six weeks later we were split up.  Ours was a case of a Valentines baby essentially.  We had only met two months before she became pregnant and were actually broken up for a about a week before she found out she was pregnant.  We got back together after finding out but ended up learning that we were completely opposite personalities.  Our relationship was actually pretty healthy for the most part, no fighting, no major arguments, really I think we were both putting blinders on and not looking closely at ourselves as a match.  We just couldn't learn how to communicate with each other really.  

   Anyway, after we split my ex became very controlling and hasn't let me have my daughter to myself once yet.  She live at her mothers house now and I make the 30 minute drive there almost every weekend (the only exceptions being when I don't fit in to my ex's schedule).  Her main complaint with me is that I haven't been financially responsible over the last six months.  While it's true that I've bounced from job to job (including a lot of temp work) I've done my best to share what money I've had.  I've bought diapers, a few other things, and gave her a few hundred dollars when I had some extra money (really, I should have used it to pay off some other outstanding debt, but I prioritized her ahead of that).  About a month ago I finally found a permanent position working at a pizza joint and I'm working on getting a second job as well.  Unfortunately my ex is starting to take the standpoint that she doesn't want to see me around anymore.  Up until now I've been trying to work directly with her on this but with that not being an option I'm starting to look into my legal options.  I live in WA, have kept reciepts for all money I've contributed thus far, have many pictures of me and my daughter, have a loving and supporting family network in the town that I live (including extended family, really almost everyone related to me lives here).

   So that's my situation, I came here just off an internet search but I've thouroughly excited to find what seems to be such a greatly informative and helpful site.  Any advice or help anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks in advance go out to anyone who replies and I'm sure you'll see me on the boards frequently over the next few months.

[ocean]

YOu need to file for custody/parenting plan and child support. Do not give her any money directly. It will be considered a gift. Save it off to the side ofr now. Most states have a standard formula for child support. Here is it 17% for one child. You will also get a visitation plan to see your child. Call your library or DSS and see when there is a parenting class and infant CPR class. This will look good in court. Do you have a place to keep the child with crib and that stuff? There is no reason you can not have the child overnight at this age.

Read this site...There are a lot of parenting plans and great information here.
Good luck!

[Jade]

>   So in November me and my girlfriend at the time had a
>beautiful baby girl born to us.  Six weeks later we were split
>up.  Ours was a case of a Valentines baby essentially.  We had
>only met two months before she became pregnant and were
>actually broken up for a about a week before she found out she
>was pregnant.  We got back together after finding out but
>ended up learning that we were completely opposite
>personalities.  Our relationship was actually pretty healthy
>for the most part, no fighting, no major arguments, really I
>think we were both putting blinders on and not looking closely
>at ourselves as a match.  We just couldn't learn how to
>communicate with each other really.  
>
>   Anyway, after we split my ex became very controlling and
>hasn't let me have my daughter to myself once yet.  She live
>at her mothers house now and I make the 30 minute drive there
>almost every weekend (the only exceptions being when I don't
>fit in to my ex's schedule).  Her main complaint with me is
>that I haven't been financially responsible over the last six
>months.  While it's true that I've bounced from job to job
>(including a lot of temp work) I've done my best to share what
>money I've had.  I've bought diapers, a few other things, and
>gave her a few hundred dollars when I had some extra money
>(really, I should have used it to pay off some other
>outstanding debt, but I prioritized her ahead of that).  About
>a month ago I finally found a permanent position working at a
>pizza joint and I'm working on getting a second job as well.
>Unfortunately my ex is starting to take the standpoint that
>she doesn't want to see me around anymore.  Up until now I've
>been trying to work directly with her on this but with that
>not being an option I'm starting to look into my legal
>options.  I live in WA, have kept reciepts for all money I've
>contributed thus far, have many pictures of me and my
>daughter, have a loving and supporting family network in the
>town that I live (including extended family, really almost
>everyone related to me lives here).
>
>   So that's my situation, I came here just off an internet
>search but I've thouroughly excited to find what seems to be
>such a greatly informative and helpful site.  Any advice or
>help anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks in
>advance go out to anyone who replies and I'm sure you'll see
>me on the boards frequently over the next few months.

The first thing that you need to do is get paternity established and a parenting plan set up.  They will address child support during this process as well.  I would set money aside in a savings account as any money you give her may be viewed as a gift and not support.

In my state, you will not get overnight visits until around 2 years old (unless the mother leaves the baby with someone else overnight) because they are too young and need to have a primary home at first.  What you will get is more frequent visits, which is really better at this age than EOW and 1 or 2 times during the week.  If she puts the baby in daycare, you should be able to have a visit (without the mother there) for at least that long.  

And if you can work out your schedules so that between the two of you, you may be able to have your baby while she is working and she has her baby while you are working.  And you both save on child care costs.

But before any of that can be addressed, you need to get paternity established.  

And given what you posted, she may not be cooperative with that.  This could be due to normal hormonal changes that she is going through, which will get better as her body adjusts.  Or it could be that this is going to be an uphill battle because she has decided that she doesn't want you in your baby's life.   I am hoping for the former.  

Good luck.