How far is too far to travel

[Ref]

DH just got all the visitation he could possibly get. Labor day is his first visitaiton time he has with her following the new visitation agreement. She lives a 4 hour flight away. Does that seem too much for a 13 year old?

I need opinions. We rather have her here for cost and family reasons, but we also don't want to strain her too much.


Thanks  

[Kitty C.]

Absolutely not!  DS started flying when he was 5 years old, and we're talking from Iowa to CA.  Until he was 9, he had to fly non-stop, which required me to drive him 250 miles to Chicago (1000 RT driving for me), but after that, he changes planes just once.  That's a 4 1/2 hour flight from Chicago to Sacramento.

ALL airlines have an Unaccompanied Minor (UAM) program developed from guidelines from the FAA.  They are GOOD.  I have NEVER worried about him flying alone....NEVER.  They take too good care of him!  When you check the child in at the gate, they get this button they MUST keep on (red and white striped, very noticeable) and you have a form to fill out.  It includes your contact info and the contact info of whomever will be meeting the child at the other airport.

Also on that form will be a bunch of empty signature lines.  Those are for any airline personnel to sign, whom the child's care has been entrusted.  EVERY person whom the child is handed over to must sign and date it.  UA children are first on and last off, because they are personally escorted.

At check-in, and because of new security procedures, you will also receive ONE pass to go beyond the security check-point with the child.  Once the child is in the plane, they ask that you remain at the gate until the plane has taken off.  In large facilities, this may mean you have to ask at the flight counter if the plane has left and they can call the tower to confirm.  They require this just in case the plane must come back to the gate for whatever reason and they must de-plane.  

At the receiving end, you MUST have a current photo ID and show it to the airline personnel who is handing over the child.  If you don't have it, they will NOT hand over the child, no matter how loud the child hollers!  My atty. told me that one dad left late, forgot his wallet, and didn't have his ID.  They forced him to go back home and get it, taking an extra 1-2 hours, with the boy saying 'Daddy, Daddy!'  You will also receive that signature form, to show all personnel who were responsible for the child.

They are also asking that kids have photo ID's, tho they understand that many kids don't.  They have accepted DS's school ID, but I went and got him a state ID after that.

There is a fee for this service, too.  Last I heard, it was $120 RT.  This service is mandated for ALL UAM's from ages 5-12, with 5-8 flying non-stop.  After 12, it is optional, so when DS flew out two years ago (at age 13), we saved the money and didn't get it.   That was the summer his dad passed away while he was there, so I flew out to be with him and so that he didn't have to fly home alone.  When we got to DIA, HE gave ME the grand tour, LOL!

DS is a very seasoned traveler, has enough frequent flyer miles for a free flight, which he will be using next summer to see his SM, half sister, and others of his dad's family.  He would have gone this summer, but he had summer school to go to.  If you have any other questions in regards to UAM's, feel free to PM me!

[Ref]

Thank you so much for your advice. SD has been flying here since she was 6. We are also saving the FF miles so that she can go on a trip when she is 18.

The part I am worried about is, is a 4 hour flight for a 3 day weekend too much for her? We have had her fly for a week for xmas and summer break but we always travel to her on the long weekends.

[MixedBag]

I'd say it's right on the edge -- which is why you're asking the question.

Try it -- see how it goes and THEN make your decision for the future weekends.

[Kitty C.]

I agree with MB.  You won't know, heck even SD won't know until you try it at least once.  SHE will be the one to tell you whether it's okay or worth it to her.  Just remember, kids are much more resilient then we give them credit for!

[smtotwo]

for EVERY other weekend visit.  We pick up on friday night and theskids have a 2 1/2 hour ride.  Thats not to long for a visit.

[Ref]

DH bought the tickets. It is just a wait and see thing right now. BM has really laying the PAS down the past few months (since DH was awarded proper visitation), but that's a topic for another post....

[Ref]

Well SD told Dh last night that she would run away or lock herself in her room if her tried to make her fly up.  She said the flight would be too straining on her "little body". She also accused him of pulling her away from her family and friends.

He told her that children shouldn't be given the choice of when and where they spend time with their parents because it forces them to chose sides. She said that she chose her mom's side already.

SD is sooo messed up emotionally now. BM is PASing in full force now. SD went from having a great summer with us to thinking DH is a monster. Convinient that all of this happens when BM is going for more support. She is repeating things that are her mother's words.

The pickle is, in order to fight for her, he will have to sue the *ss off her mom. Everytime he does that , BM tells SD all about it (in her perspective ofcourse) and says how abusing DH is being to her and how he mustn't care about SD. The SD thinks he is a monster and it goes in cycles that way for the next over 1600 days (til she is 18).

DH is about to give up. He fought so hard to get to have more time with SD. Then BM PASes SD so bad she will not see him anymore. So now we are back at square 1 except now we paid legal bills and increase in CS.

What can we do??? Any help would be appreciated.

[Kitty C.]

You mean she was just there for summer visitation???  If that's the case, I'd be asking her what drastically changed since then to make her feel the way she does, that it's never 'hurt her little body' in the past, that she's WILLINGLY come in the past, and why she thinks 'her family' with you (and extended) is not as important to her as her mother's.

You're getting down to the wire, so unless SD comes to the realization she's being played like a fiddle, the BM WILL deny visitation and you WILL have to file for contempt.  But unless you want to COMPLETELY bow out of SD's life (which is exactly what BM wants), you better do it.  REGARDLESS of what you do, it will have an effect on SD.  What you need to decide is the severity and long term effects.

To walk away will have far-reaching and long term effects on her, you know that.  To file contempt and take BM back to court AGAIN, will create essencially short term effects on SD that you can't avoid.  BUT...even if it lasts a few months or years, in the end she will understand that you fought long and hard for her, regardless of the eventual outcome.  She's only 13 and VERY impressionable.  But eventually she will see thru her mother's lies.  Keep reminding her of the good memories she's had with you.  When she matures more and is able to form her own opinions and stand up for herself, she will know who fought the 'good' fight for her.

[Ref]

Well DH just got off the phone with CRAZY exwife. She had taken SD to the doctor because she was having signs of stress from having to come see us again. It is hard to beleive it is the visitation (she was so thrilled a month ago to be with us) and not the constant yelling and manipulating BM is now doing to her. She is so F'ed up.

Is this classic signs of PAS or what? I don't even know what to do for poor SD. It is just getting worse for her.

Would it be possible to take her out of her mom's clutches after 10 years and limited visitation? She is really putting a number on her.

She, ofcourse blames it all on DH. How is it his fault when she started getting this upset AFTER she went back to BM's?


AAAARGGGGHH!