My boy was naughty at school today..

[leftoverinmn]

I could really use some punishment input here..

He pushed another boy into a locker, which would have been no big deal, but then he lied to his teacher about it. That was the issue. So as punishment for lying, he lost his recess. It kinda threw his day off..

At the end of the day, he told his teacher that he wasn't supposed to ride the bus home, he was supposed to go to the library and wait for his grandma. Grandma drops him off at school every morning. Every morning she tells him to ride the bus home.

He eventually came clean to his teacher after he missed the bus and realized that Gma wasn't coming. Gma came and picked him up. (That was our first mistake. She should have called me and sent me to picked him up.)

I'm trying to come up with a punishment???? He doesn't have a playstation or something like that I can take away. His only activity is coloring, and I can't take that away either.

Tomorrow there is going to be a bday party for hs cousin at Gma's house. I hate to exclude him from that as it is kind of an important family event. My neice is turning 1, her dad is in Iraq, extended family is going to be there.

Do I find a sitter and leave him tomorrow? do him and I stop by and leave before cake and ice cream? What's the right kind of punishment for this?

[Forthelittleones]

How old is he?  I have a lot that we use but it depends on the age.

[leftoverinmn]

He's five and a half and in Kindergarten.

[joni]

Lying and stealing are common, but inappropriate, behaviors in school-aged children. While some severe forms of these behaviors can indicate a more serious psychological problem, most of the time it is simply a common behavior that will be outgrown. Lying and stealing are more common in boys than girls, and occur most often in children ages 5 to 8 years.
     
Handling the situation when your child is lying:
     
When confronted with a child who is lying, it is important to first remember the child's age and developmental stage. Children under the age of 3 do not lie on purpose. This age group does not understand what they are saying and instead are just experimenting with language and new found facts about the world. They might also lie to avoid punishment because they understand the consequences but have an undeveloped moral code.

Children from the ages of 3 to 7 often have problems separating the real world from fantasy. They might have imaginary playmates at this age and enjoy fairy tales and make-believe play. The lies told by this age group are mostly tales that they have made up, not intentional lies. By the age of 6 or 7, however, children understand what lying is, but will continue to cheat if able.

Children from the ages of 6 to 12 understand what lying is and the moral wrongness of this behavior. However, children may continue to lie in order to test adult rules and limits. The child may admit to telling a lie, but usually he/she has many reasons for having done so. Rules are very important at this age, so cheating becomes less important.
     
Other factors that may cause a child to lie:
     
    * Children may lie if their parents' expectations of them are too high.
    * Children may lie about their grades if parents assume that they are doing better in school than they really are.
    * If a child is asked why he/she did some bad behavior, the child may lie because he/she is unable to explain the actions.
    * Children who are not disciplined on a consistent basis may lie.
    * Children who do not receive praise and reward may lie to get this attention.
     
When does lying become a concern?
     
There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any of these apply to your child, it is important to consult your child's physician:    

    * A child who is lying and at the same time having other behavioral problems such as setting things on fire, being mean to animals, having sleep problems, or is very hyperactive, may have more psychological problems.

    * Children who do not have many friends or do not want to play in groups may have poor self-esteem and be depressed.

    * Children lie in order to get something from someone else and do not show any signs of regret.

Children older than age of 3 should be confronted with any lying or stealing, but it is important to remember that most of these behaviors are part of growing up and do not represent severe problems. Each child is unique, and your child's physician should be involved with any concerns.

[leftoverinmn]

Ok, that helps alot..

Do you think I should call his peditrician??

I made sure he understood what COULD HAVE happened if Gma wouldn't have been home to take the call.  The bus would have drivin on by without stopping, Gma and momma would have thought he was kiddnapped, it would have scared us all very much.. Then he showed signs of remorse.

It's the manipulation thing that worries me..

[joni]

No, I wouldn't call his pediatron.   Next, they'll be suggesting ridalin.  It's hard to come down on a 5 y.o. because they are a 5 y.o.  They're still so emotionally immature to understand the big picture.

Think about getting him a book that talks about bad behavior in kid terms.  For example, the American Girl franchise writes all sorts of books for girls.  I just bought one for my SD on feelings.  Obviously, you have a boy.  A trip to Borders might help you find something you can read to him and then have a little discussion about what you read and how it applies to his life.

I seriously think that the source of your child's problem might be his teacher here.  For whatever reason, your son seems to be challenging his limits with his teacher.  I think that's normal behavior.  I would set up a parent/teacher conference and have a pow wow about your son's behavior with her and how the both of you can work to counteract this.

I also have to wonder about a school that would listen to a 5 y.o.'s directive.  I would make a stop by the school office and let them know not to change your child's plan without hearing from you personally.  Let them know that they caused a potentially dangerous situation.  I mean, if he told the teacher he could walk home from school....would she let him???

[SadStepMom]

Dish soap in the mouth

Only had to put it in son's mouth once (4 and a half) and the mention of it gets his attention, and stops the behavior.  

The first time he told what was very definitely an intentional lie, I sat down like you did and explained why it is wrong to lie, etc.  The next time he did it, he got a time out and was told that he would get soap in the mouth.  We also made it clear that if he does something wrong, and tells us about it, he may get punished, but if he does something wrong, lies about it, then he gets the punishment, plus soap.

I haven't had an issue with lying for quite a while (knock on wood)

Sometimes it is difficult to tell at this age whether it is an intentional lie, but from what you said, this definitely sounds like it was.

[leftoverinmn]

"I also have to wonder about a school that would listen to a 5 y.o.'s directive."

I never thought of it like that.

I did have that discussion with his teacher. I told her on friday that he is to ride the bus home every day unless I tell her differently. Thanks so much, Joni. I'll check out American Girl on Amazon.

[gipsy]

My son told me he could jump over the roof , and fly over the fence , So I took him out side and said show me How you can jump  over the roof , And he said He couldn't . I had talked to a psychologist , and the Psychologist said , you don't have to make him feel bad about it iether , . Five is the age if lies , And My son also lies to get out of trouble , And By just talking  I try to give him an understanding, Like I Hold My clenched hand out and say , "If "I say there is candy here , And then I open My hand and show him an empty hand , and say , see I said there is candy and there is no candy , that is a lie to trick you , And He gets it a little ,But I try to use examples he can grasp . Like i say My face is purple , And he say's no its not , and I say Thats right, that means I am telling you some thing that you can see is not really true , And then I try to explain what lies are , Because I believe they need a firm foundation on knowing what is the truth and what isn't , Becuase the world of children is make believe , Look at cartoons with Johny Bravo flying through the air , And the powder puff Girls , My son makes up stories about flying , And we ask why ? On the other hand theyare kind of smart  also ,  And when they grasp what a lie is don't be trying to  alter things around them , Heres the short example ,
   Something happened that My son said and I was trying not to laugh at him ,And he said , " DAd ' You are laughing at me " I tried to say " no I'm Not " He said " Yes you are " Because when you try not to laugh your body alway's moves like that and you don't make any sound "
      I can't remmember exactly what was said next  . But after My talking to him about lies , He was now armed with the info and I remmember thinking Oops . I just told him about lies , And he knew I wan't being truthfull about My laughing at him , SO when you start in on this lie thing YA better watch out !!

[Kitty C.]

Some states consider that reportable abuse......I was told Iowa is one of them.

[Stepmom0418]

I have heard that as well. Actually I was told that there have been children that have died as a result of dish soap being put in their mouth......... something about the degreaser in some of them. (such as in dawn dish soap)

Just what i was told I am not saying to do it or not to just relaying what I was informed of.

Everyone can make their own conclusions...........

[leftoverinmn]

You are right, Kitty. The glycerin in soap can cause severe diarrehea. I'm not considering that. Not an option, but thanks for the input anyways..

His teacher called me today. On valentine's day, she told the kids they could open their valentines, but not eat the candy gifts. So, my boy had a mouthful of chocolate, and she asked him, "Jack, are you eating candy after I told everyone not to?" Of couse, he said no. Last night at my mom's house,  he was climbing on the snowmobile outside. He pulled the cover off, I asked him, "Why did you pull the cover off, Jack?" He said the wind blew it off. The other day, he emptied off his books off his bookshelf. I asked, "What were you thinking, Jack?" He said his bookshelf fell over.

After talking with his teacher, I realized something. His teacher and I are trying to "set him up" in a lie.. When we ask him "Why" or "What" it leaves the door wide open for him to fib.

We came to the agreement that we have to just say, "Jack, you are eating candy after I said 'no'." Or, "You emptied your bookshelf, you are cleaning your room tomorrow.".

I think we need to shut that door, and lay down personal responsibility for him. Any opinions??

[Troubledmom]

Young kids, especially ones with active imaginations (recalling the time my then 4 year old left his shoes outside, I told him go get his shoes he replied "I can't the devil has them and told me 'go home little boy you can't have your shoes' and Mommy I think he was serious" I opened up the door and his shoes were right there on the stoop) need to have the door to "lying" closed.

I agree that the new approach from you and his teacher may help.

I also think that these very imaginative young people need to have a place to express their imagination :-) perhaps "story" time where he can tell you stories he has made up each evening would be a good way to start.

Good Luck

TM

[janM]

....I saw in today's paper. It's called Baby Blues, about a family with 3 young children. The mom hears a series of crashes and bangs and finds the middle child (boy) on the kitchen floor with an overturned chair, cookie crumbs everywhere, and the cookie jar upside down on his head.

He says, "I didn't do it."

I agree that you need to change the response to his "tales".

[joni]

I think the new approach will help as well.  Didn't even occured to me that you were leaving the door open to lying.  Thanks for the heads up on my 3 y.o., as to what to anticipate some day soon.

I had something similar with my 3 y.o. about changing approaches.  He was going thru that stage of challenging his limits and I was butting heads with him.  He and I are both Type A personalities, I didn't want my 3 y.o. to win, I'm the mom.  He didn't want me to win because.....well, just because.

It occurred to me the more the more I butted heads with him, the more he butted back.  I softened my approach.  I started speaking in near whispers and didn't overeact to him.  I also didn't try to rationalize with him.  Stated my case once, end of story.  My son backed down immediately when I took my flame away from his fire.