What do I do??

[CrystalT4]

Hi. I am a married mom of 3 children (going on 4) and I have a question..
My 4 year old has been very hard to handle. His BF has bipolar disorder along with his mothers side of the family. I am beginning to think that maybe he has it and if anybody knows someone like this or is experiencing it themselves...
My son was laying in bed. He started talking and yelling at my 7 yr old. I went in there to tell him to be quiet and lay down.. I told my 7 yr old to roll over and ignore him..My 7 yr old did. I then hear my 4 yr old talking again and then I hear crying. I go in the room and my 4 yr old had dumped his milk cup all over my 7 yr old then threw his cup at him and gave him a black eye..I let my 7 yr old go out on the couch for the night. When I told my 7 yr old to go out on the couch my 4 yr old started screaming, flailing and banging on the wall.  This went on for almost an hour. These tantrums occur more than once a day and are triggered by me saying no or making him do something he doesnt want to do. My 4 yr old barely eats or sleeps. He goes to sleep at about 1 or 2 am and wakes up a 7 am and goes all day with no nap... I lay down with him to make him stay in bed and i get kicked, hit, screamed at and spit on... When I give him food (especially lunch or dinner) he will throw it all over my kitchen..If I sit in there with him He will look at me, smile and throw food. I tell him to stop it and he does it again..I then take his food and he hits me and screams at the top of his lungs and on comes the tantrum...He has night terrors that last for about 3 hours about 5-6 days a month..My problem is I dont know what to do..My patience is wearing thin and him being diagnosed and treated is not going to happen anytime soon..I have been keeping a log of behavior and eating and sleeping patterns for his pediatrician but until then how do I control him and stay sane??? Help.....

[Kitty C.]

Make an appt. IMMEDIATELY with a pediatric psychologist...and make absolute sure the doctor is a specialist in pediatrics.  Preferrably a psychologist who ONLY works with pediatric patients.  Kids aren't 'little adults' and their issues are vastly different than adults, especially since they can't tell you what's going on or how they feel.

My 17 y.o. DS has been seeing a pediatric psychologist for 8 years, just in case you were wondering.......

It sounds like your child is literally screaming out for help.  Whether he has bipolar (VERY hard to diagnose with someone that young) or something else going on, he needs to be evaluated by a professional specifically trained and educated to handle his issues.  One thing to remember, tho.  Listen to your 'gut feelings', too.  If a professional's opinion contradicts what you feel or know about your child, don't hesitate to look for a second opinion.  

And start looking for other resources in your community as well.  You'd be amazed at what's available out there.....take advantage of it if you find it. That's what it's there for.  It sounds like you might have a long haul ahead of you.  Don't hesitate to seek help for yourself if you find yourself at your wit's end.  You do your child no good if you don't take care of yourself as well.  Good luck to you and I wish you and your family the best.

[Mamacass]

My brother and his wife are in a similar situation with their 4 y/o.  They also have a 6y/o and a 7 month old, both of which are perfectly normal.  They are on a waiting list to get their 4 y/o tested.  She throws fits similar to what you described.  She also doesn't play well with other children and doesn't deal well with change.  

For a while we actually thought she was mildly autistic, or has Asperger's.  Now though, it has been suggested that she is bipolar.  

It is very hard for my brother and his wife to deal with.  To an outsider they look like bad parents, and their little girl looks like a child that needs discipline.  We know that this isn't the case.  She doesn't respond to discipline like a normal child, and she isn't a normal child.  

They tried starting her in preschool this year to ready her for "real" school next year.  This month they finally took her out after lengthy discussions with her teacher and principal.  She just couldn't adjust, and at this point they have decided that it was best for all involved not to push her to go to preschool.  We are hoping that we can get her diagnosed soon so that we can start treating her.  

I can't really offer any advice, but I definitely can empathize. My sister-in-law is a stay at home mom, so she is with my niece all the time.  I know she'll call me some days at the end of her rope.  Just know that this isn't forever.  You're taking the right steps to help your son, and it may take a while, but he will get diagnosed and he will get treatment.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, and good luck.  

[Jade]

I have to agree with the suggestion to get him tested.  The sooner you know what you are dealing with, the sooner you can solve the problem.

In the meantime, I would avoid sugar and foods with red dye as this has been known to cause behavior problems

[CrystalT4]

Red dye? Like red kool-aid and stuff like that? Im not sure what red dye is in

[CrystalT4]

How do they deal with her tantrums? I have had to start letting him throw fits in his room and shut the door..He calms down and comes out like nothing happened... How do they discipline her for , if for example, she throws food? I have tried timeouts, doesnt work. He has started laughing at me when I spank him or hell scream at me then laugh. I have taken toys away and he just plays with stuff he is not supposed to and destructs my house. Wow does he tear up my house...Peeling off wall paper, tearing of lamination of my counters, kicks out my bedroom windows and screens...Early bedtime, 7 pm, but he just kicks and screams for 3 extra hours than a normal night.. I have even tried pampering him to show him extra attention because my husband thinks he is just wanting attention..That doesnt work...And i dont think that is what it is..I have been suspecting bipolar for a year now...It might be because its sooooo dominant in his BioFathers side of the family. My husband legally adopted my son a year ago so his BF is no longer in the picture.  his BF had bipolar and he became aggressive and abusive...Im scared he is going to be like that...

[Jade]

>Red dye? Like red kool-aid and stuff like that? Im not sure
>what red dye is in

Yes, like Kool-aid.  Look at the ingredients, it should tell you if it was used.  Of course, if the food is red (and not naturally so like some apples), then it has red dye.  

[Mamacass]

They kind of let her pitch a fit until she's done.  They've tried everything else, and finding that nothing works, they just let her go until she's done.  Once she calms down, they let her have a little time to herself, and then she'll act like nothing happened.  Although, sometimes she does seem to be remorseful.  She felt bad and apologized a few days after kicking the nurse at our doctor's office.  

She also doesn't seem to need sleep, and most nights I don't think she actually goes to sleep until midnight.  One night she woke up and watched a movie in the middle of the night.  

Her first day of preschool was awful.  My niece cursed out the teacher and was throwing chairs anytime any of the kids tried to come near her.  She's gotten much better,  but they ended up taking her out anyways, b/c she's still not doing "well" with preschool.  

What's really tough, is everyone around my niece is trying not to set her off.  I know I decided one day I was going to brush her hair whether she fought me on it or not.  boy did I feel like an idiot when she spent the next hour screaming.  A normal kid you can just tell that you are going to brush her hair, and she may not like it, but she'll get over it after a few minutes.  My niece is not normal.  Now I kind of back off, and let her parents handle her.  I think that's the hardest thing for outsiders to understand- you can't treat her like a normal kid.

I think we're at the same stage in the game as you are, still looking to get a diagnosis so we can learn how to treat the issue.  We were really thinking autism until about a week ago when someone suggested bipolar.  Whatever it is, it will be a relief to get a diagnosis.  

[CrystalT4]

How does she punish her for doing stuff like that?

[CrystalT4]

We have started psychologist visits with my son and hope it helps...