I quit smoking...but why?

[barbie]

Soc,

Taking your's and countless others advise I stopped smoking.  12 days now.  But why?

My children were here this weekend.  My daughter came over with the start of a cold.   It progressed over the weekend.  I took them back to their dad's Sunday.

She is kept home from school yesterday (monday) because of her coughing.  For a reason I can only explain as fear she told her stepmother I was smoking.  I swear on all my love for my children they did not see me smoke one cigarette this weekend or even last week when I picked them up for my "during the week visit".  My son and I even talked about it while they were here.

She was sick enough to stay home from school, but she was still taken to a dentist appointment.

I don't know why she would tell BF/SM I was smoking except that the kids are afraid to speak their mind at their house and probably wanted to make SM happy.

So my questions:
1)  How do I prove I was not the cause of her being sick?

2)  How do I prove I have not smoked infront of the children for the last 2 visits?

I am assuming I will be served with new court papers as our agreement states that neither party is to expose the children to second hand smoke while in their possesion.

3)  What can I do when I do receive these papers?

4)  If I am going to be accused of what I haven't done..why quit?

Please give some advise...I am horrified at the thought of having to defend myself again, for something that hasn't happened.  I want to go for custody and this will obviously set my case back ALOT!

Thank you.

[demi]

ANOTHER WAY THE GOVERNMENT STAYS IN CONTROL OF OUR KIDS.

Cmon' I don't smoke, but I tell you this is total horse crap. How many years have Mother's and Father's been divorced? MANY, MANY!! and now all of the "tree huggers" are coming out with THIS. Our damn exhaust from our cars are worse than cigarette smoke, even our city water.

In all these years kids have been going between two parent's homes, I have never heard of such an excuse on WHY a parent can't have their child...BECAUSE THEY SMOKE!

Boy the State's Courts will pass ANYTHING to ensure they get their Federal Grant money.  

They should start looking into putting a ban on Alcohol, I've heard of more kids dying as a result of that than smoke.

[socrateaser]

>1)  How do I prove I was not the cause of her being sick?

They have to prove that you were -- that's a lot more difficult, unless they bring the child to testify, and the judge won't like that at all.

>
>2)  How do I prove I have not smoked infront of the children
>for the last 2 visits?

See #1.

>
>I am assuming I will be served with new court papers as our
>agreement states that neither party is to expose the children
>to second hand smoke while in their possesion.

Don't assume anything, except death and taxes.

>
>3)  What can I do when I do receive these papers?

Post the allegations here so I can give you some advice.

>
>4)  If I am going to be accused of what I haven't done..why
>quit?

Because it's good for your health, and it will save you a ton of dough.

[nosonew]

You may want to check with your local physician to see if they would do this. It would be proof on your end... good luck.

[Kitty C.]

And this is only if you used to smoke in your home when the kids weren't there.  Smoke is incidious and can get into EVERYTHING.  And stay there for a LONG time, until it's removed in some way.  If you ever smoked in your car, you know by the film on the inside of the windshield.

It is possible, if you did used to smoke in your home, that the reason your child's symptoms were exacerbated over the weekend while with you is because she was exposed to the latent effects of smoke still in the home.  It is possible that it can make certain conditions worse.  Mind you, I said POSSIBLE.  There is really no way of knowing for sure.

If you did smoke in your home, I recommend getting the carpets and upholstery cleaned, the walls and drapes washed, and use a LOT of Febreze on other cloth surfaces that can't be cleaned.  You might also want to consider getting an air purifier, at least for a while.  

BUT........if you didn't smoke in your home at all, you can totally disregard this, LOL!

[barbie]

The problem is that she had a cold...Nothing more/nothing less.  It is that time of year.  However whether she comes to my house sick or gets sick at my house it is ALWAYS (and not an exaggeration) my fault.  Even if she is sick at her dad's and hasn't seen me for 2 weeks it is my fault!

We have 4 air machines in our home.  I know sounds a little excessive, but 1 is in my daughters room and the others are spread thru out house.  For this purpose exactly.  And although I am not the "best" house keeper we have washed all the walls and cleaned all the carpet and furniture at least 4 times in the last 15 months.  For this purpose also.  (of course we sweep and dust weekly too.)

It is not only aggravating, but extremely expensive also.   However, to cover my butt I continue to do this even without the smoke in the house.

What I really want is to have the kids tested when they leave my house for nicatine in their systems.  As they say the kids are exposed to it all the time I would think it would show up if that were the case.

Only time will tell I guess, but all I know is my nerves can no longer handle this roller coaster of walking on egg shells.....

Oh and the car thing...We actually just (2wks ago) traded in both our old cars and bought one new one and I got a new company car.  Both of which we have chose NOT to smoke in to keep them "new".

[Kitty C.]

Good for you!  I'd be taking pictures of the air filtration machines and of the new cars, ANYTHING to dispell their arguments.

Sounds like they are the type who aren't happy unless they're in the middle of chaos..........and will instigate it themselves if they have to.  JMO, but I think you were right, your D said what she did out of fear, becuase there's no other reason why she would say something like that!

[barbie]

Thank you for your input.  

I even go so far as to print out the allergy reports (mold/grass/trees) every other day for their home town and for my home town.  Just to make sure I have proof that there might be an air issue also.
My daughter has asthma/allergies and I am blamed for every flare up.

My lawyer (and family) laugh at me at the lengths I go to to prove I am not at fault, but as I look at it "I can never have TOO much" evidence!


By the way Soc...if you are reading this...If you recall I was concerned about their hygene habits with bathing and teeth brushing.... I did email the father about this.  Of course he said there "was no issue" there.  However, the following weeks the children received 4 showers in a 2 week time, my daughter started brushing her teeth everyday and they made an appointment for the dentist for her.  And took my son to the doctor.  So what I wanted to happen is happening....well at least it is better than before.  

He even said "I am forwarding all of your emails to my atty".  I told him if he would just send me his atty's email address I would CC him and my atty with the original emails and save ex the trouble....no response!  lol

[demi]

Maybe as a suggestion (this is from a firefighter) if you are called up to the carpet with this (as far as back to court). Call the fire department and ask them to come in and do a carbon-dioxide test at the end of your next scheduled visit.

Have them write the levels down for you so you have the readings as proof. One way, if they won't come over freely, is to tell them your carbon-dioxide detector is/was going off and can they make a non-emergency call to your home. The fire dept. has document on EVERY call they go on.

If you were/are accused of smoking while your children are there, the carbon levels will be such enough to get a reading. My brother-in-Law is a volunteer fireman and he wanted me to pass this idea on to you. He also said that you can ask the fire dept. where in your area can you purchase your own "meter reader", because they are available.

The best air purifier for your home, not only because you use to smoke, but also because your D has asthma and allergies is; and ionizer, the kind that puts fresh oxygen back into the home. They run in the price range of about $350, it could be a small price to pay to prove THEM wrong.

I'm just sorry your D has been placed to say bad things about you.

 

[socrateaser]

...