Dear Soc, probably heading for divorce soon - a question...

[Genie]

I am in Northern IL (DuPage County) and my marriage has gone from bad to worse to horrible and I don't think I can repair it.

My husband is an alcoholic and his drinking has gotten alot worse in the past several years. He doesn't feel he needs to work and basically drinks from the moment he wakes up till he goes to bed. He finds money to drink from his loser friends or doing odd jobs for others.

I opened my own checking account several years ago so he can't access my money. I filed a Quit Claim Deed on our house b/c of him owing CS for his 2 older children. He spent over 90 days in work release over the Summer and quit his job he got the next day after getting out. It looks like he will be going back next month's court date.

He is very emotionally abusive berating me daily telling me I am stupid and don't do anything etc etc even though I pay all the bills and do everything needed for our 4 yr old. He has threatened me several times telling me he will get me or I won't make it to the court house or plain coming out saying he will make sure I die etc. He tells our daughter I am a b**** and a c***.

Questions

1. I am worried about visitation for my 4 yr old with down syndrome and the baby I am pregnant with right now (big oops). I will ask for supervised visitation at either his parents or court supervisor. How hard is this to get with this situation?

How would visitation be for a baby in this situation if given unsupervised?

2. How about the house? I don't want to lose it since I have been paying for it and all the bills by myself for the last almost 5 years. Quit Claim filed but bought after marriage. Owned since 2/98. Quit Claim not filed with mortgage company but am planning on refinancing in my name only.

Could I keep the house with no profit to him since I have paid for it myself for this time?

3. Can you get custody of children and not file for divorce or separation?

4. He hasn't seen his older children for visitation for 2 1/2 years for RO by his ex for threat he made to her. It is now expired and still doesn't keep in contact with them.  Can I terminate his rights if he decides not to be part of our children's lives? Or do you have to have step parent to adopt before can happen?

The only thing keeping me from filing right now is to make sure my kids are safe. He passes out, leaves whenever he wants, I don't let him watch daughter alone at all and she goes to day care when I am working b/c he is always drinking, his lisence is suspended for hit & run fine he has paid (he was drunk but they don't know that). I need to make sure they aren't put in danger. He would have no problem driving them around if he had a vehicle and he has no problem driving drunk and even has drank beer while driving.

Thank you. Sorry a little long.

[socrateaser]

>Questions
>
>1. I am worried about visitation for my 4 yr old with down
>syndrome and the baby I am pregnant with right now (big oops).
>I will ask for supervised visitation at either his parents or
>court supervisor. How hard is this to get with this situation?

Pretty darn easy.

>
>
>How would visitation be for a baby in this situation if given
>unsupervised?

It's not gonna happen. You'll probably get sole custody and visitation under your control.

>2. How about the house? I don't want to lose it since I have
>been paying for it and all the bills by myself for the last
>almost 5 years. Quit Claim filed but bought after marriage.
>Owned since 2/98. Quit Claim not filed with mortgage company
>but am planning on refinancing in my name only.

The court will probably rule that the quitclaim is void because spouses cannot alter their legal relationship between them or obligations during marriage. That, however, is a SWAG (i.e., Stupid Wild Ass Guess). This particular sort of circumstance is extremely dependent upon the law of the jurisdiction and I don't know the marital property rights laws of IL, so without considerable research, I couldn't give you a good answer.

My SWAG, is based mostly upon my general observation, that whomever appears in court with the kids in tow, usually gets whatever they want (and this is especially true, if the person is a woman -- not being sexist here, just stating the reality of family law).

>
>Could I keep the house with no profit to him since I have paid
>for it myself for this time?

You have the kids, so you're gonna win.

>
>3. Can you get custody of children and not file for divorce or
>separation?

You already have custody. The problem is, that so does your husband. If you want to deprive him of custody, then you need to petition the court and ask for that. I believe that you could do that without filing for divorce/separation. Not sure why you'd want to do that, but it's none of my business.

>
>4. He hasn't seen his older children for visitation for 2 1/2
>years for RO by his ex for threat he made to her. It is now
>expired and still doesn't keep in contact with them.  Can I
>terminate his rights if he decides not to be part of our
>children's lives? Or do you have to have step parent to adopt
>before can happen?

There are very specific State laws on this issue, and I don't know IL law, but it is extremely difficult to terminate a parent's rights, because as long as he has rights, he also has a duty of support, and the State would prefer to try to collect a few bucks from him on your behalf before it gives up and sets you free from your spouse.

>
>The only thing keeping me from filing right now is to make
>sure my kids are safe. He passes out, leaves whenever he
>wants, I don't let him watch daughter alone at all and she
>goes to day care when I am working b/c he is always drinking,
>his lisence is suspended for hit & run fine he has paid (he
>was drunk but they don't know that). I need to make sure they
>aren't put in danger. He would have no problem driving them
>around if he had a vehicle and he has no problem driving drunk
>and even has drank beer while driving.

Um, you don't have to tell me why you do the things you do. I don't make value judgments of people. I just tell you the law and then you can make your own bed. However, you might want to ask yourself why you are in this relationship, and why you chose to have children with this guy, because if he's everything that you've made him out to be, he doesn't appear to have a lot going for himself.

[wendl]

Genie,
My ex is also an alcholic but we were never married, He has supervised visitstation due to this and his lack of involvement with his child, it was court orders supervised visitation from a motion filed by myself requesting this and that supervision be done by his parents (this way grandparents still can see child)

Sorry you are going thru this but do what you feel is right for your child. When it comes to alcholics they are not in control (my father was one) and will not get help until they are ready (my dad went thru a couple but they didn't work as he was going thru them for the wrong reasons)


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**