Mediation-Divorce-Custody

[TPK]

Happy New Year Soc.

I'm considering offering wife mediation for the divorce. As you know, there's nothing to whack-up regarding property, money etc. She'll keep her things, I'll keep mine and forfeit anything I purchased for her NY home as a kind gesture.

Being a little green on mediation, and online researching not really helping, I have some questions.

1. Is mediation a binding contract enforceable by the court?

2. Can we mediate on everything except custody of our child?

3. If we mediate everything but custody, can an evaluation be done to determine custody? (thru mediation)

4. Is a custody evaluation thru mediation a binding contract recognized by the court?

5. Is it possible to mediate everything but custody and then battle it out in court for custody or does it all have to be done by mediation or divorce thru the court?

I can see a war coming regarding custody, so I'm trying to plan the best angle of attack.

I will have some more questions soon about the "best interests of the child" situation and what holds weight and what is considered petty.


Thank You Soc.

TPK

[DecentDad]

Hi TPK,

I'm not a lawyer, but I'll give you my experience.

I know Soc always recommends avoiding litigation at all costs, just because there is such an unknown there with regard to your fate.  Among two reasonable, rational people, mediation is ideal.

However, I've read your posts, and among people facing divorce/child custody you seem to have one of the most unreasonable people who is the mother of your child.

Such a person is not truly interested in mediation, as mediation is for people who have an ability to negotiate and compromise on some level.  You may be such a person, but the actions of your ex really point out that she isn't.

You will waste valuable time and resources going through mediation with such a person.

I learned this lesson the hard way.  My ex used mediation as a delay tactic.  NOTHING was ever resolved in mediation, and I came home feeling exhausted and disappointed.

In your case, it's imperative to have as little time go by as possible that your kid is as far away as she is.  The longer she's that far away, the stronger the status quo becomes.

Delaying litigation in attempt to pursue mediation may not be the best strategy for you.

Pursuing litigation while attempting mediation (but placing no expectations on any outcome in mediation) wouldn't hurt much.

You're already at such a serious disadvantage, with so many months having passed during important bonding period with an infant.... that I would hope you don't go down any paths that delay the ultimate outcome.

The custody eval will be critical to you.  You may want to spend time learning about evaluators in your area (and those willing to travel), as a good evaluator who can give some insight into the mother's nuttiness and inability to co-parent will really be your biggest asset in the custody ruling.

Just food for thought.  Soc's perspective may be different.  Happy new year, and I was very happy to read that you got to see your daughter recently.

Good luck.

DD

[socrateaser]

>Happy New Year Soc.
>
>I'm considering offering wife mediation for the divorce. As
>you know, there's nothing to whack-up regarding property,
>money etc. She'll keep her things, I'll keep mine and forfeit
>anything I purchased for her NY home as a kind gesture.

Hang on to all your kind gestures -- you're gonna need em.

>1. Is mediation a binding contract enforceable by the court?

No, however if you come to an agreement in mediation, then that agreement is binding, assuming that it is officially reported out of the mediation. This usually means a signed stipulated order/judgment between the parties, that only needs a judge's signature.

>
>2. Can we mediate on everything except custody of our child?

You can mediate on everything, period, however, to the extent that you agree on custody and/or child support, that agreement is nonbinding, until a court orders it, i.e., either of you can back out at any time prior to the judge signing.

>
>3. If we mediate everything but custody, can an evaluation be
>done to determine custody? (thru mediation)

You can do anything that you can agree on between each other. But the judge must sign the order, and theoretically, the judge can refuse to sign, however, that would be extraordinarily unusual.

>
>4. Is a custody evaluation thru mediation a binding contract
>recognized by the court?

Yes, but as already mentioned, you can back out and demand a hearing.

Any time your child's interests are involved, the court has the final word, and the court will give a broad latitude to allow the matter to be decided by the judge.

>
>5. Is it possible to mediate everything but custody and then
>battle it out in court for custody or does it all have to be
>done by mediation or divorce thru the court?

This is a compound version of your prior questions -- already answered.

>
>I can see a war coming regarding custody, so I'm trying to
>plan the best angle of attack.

Read DecentDads post. It is reality.