custody wars in MO

[burrbunch]

Have any of you fathers fought for custody of your kids and won?  How about in Missouri?  

We just recently moved here to be near my children who have lived in MO for over 6 years.  Their mother claimed she was dying.  We are now an hour away from where they use to live.  The ex picked them up from summer vacation and moved to Arizona.  She has not given me a real address and the only way I have to talk to them is via her cell phone, which she has threatened to change to a local (AZ) number.

My kids are very subservent to their mother.  She lies to them all the time about me and they believe her initially.  She actually told them to keep an eye out for any strange behavior from me during visitatioin, because I was going to try to kidnapp them.  Who is kidnapping?

Any suggestions would be helpful.  I have already lost visitation and when I tried to file kidnapping charges, the PA said that there wasn't enough evidence that she was trying to keep them away from me.  Can you believe those apples?

[swilloug]

Currently my husband (and I) are fighting for custody in MO.  We went to trial last Wednesday.  BM is claiming my SS has AD/HD so the judge ordered more evaulation for AD/HD before he rules.  

My SS has failed the last two years of school without BM making any strides to correct the situation.  Now that we are in court she started taking him to a psychologist to see if he has AD/HD.  So she says now.  Orginally it was because of problems between BD (my husband) and SS.  

The judge said if AD/HD is found then he will stay with mother since "it was not all her fault" but if he does NOT have AD/HD there will be a change in custody.

BM also lies to SS about us.  In time my SS will see for himself what kind of people we are.

What county are you in (where the kids in)?  If there is a custody order or child support order in MO I beleive you can still file motions in MO.

Were you married to BM?

[wendl]

How long has mom been living in AZ, if she hasnt been there for more than 6 months, I would file a change in custody (she will have to come back to home town for court) request a GAl be assigned to your case and document everything.

That just sucks.

:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[burrbunch]

She left here Aug. 9.  That is the day she picked the kids up after summer visitation.  She never made it to my son's doctor appt. in KC that afternoon.  On Aug. 11, she called to say she was in Az.  We have now filed a modification of custody, contempt charges, and I tried to file kidnapping charges on the grounds that she wasn't there for me to have my weekend visitation.  However, the PA in Vernon county isn't going to prosecute, because he says there is not enough evidence that she was trying to keep the kids from me.  Their house was completely empty!

We go to court Sept. 20 in St. Clair county where the existing CO is, but we are having trouble tracking her down to serve her.  The judge says she must be served, but how do you serve someone 1500 miles away who doesn't want to be served or found.  Our attorney assures us that she will be served.  She has a hard time holding her tongue so we will know when she gets served.  I am sure she will call and cuss my answering machine out over and over again.  She has left numerous threats on my answering machine in the past every time she gets her panties in a wad and I am hoping that they are admitable in court.

Meanwhile, I am missing visitation and even though I have her cellphone number, she won't let me talk to the kids without standing next to them.  She is also restrictive of her daytime minutes, but when I call during the week after 9:00 (11:00pm here) she claims the kids are in bed, because they have school tomorrow.  She has never made the kids go to bed before 10:30pm ever.  On the weekends, the kids are gone or they are busy doing something and she asks me to call back.  She wants to be in complete control.  My oldest turned 16 the other day.  When I called to wish her a Happy Birthday, her mother answered and said "Let me see if she wants to talk to you."  Then she only let me talk to my one child and then hung up, because it was wasting her minutes.  I don't even know what school they go to.

I can only hope that the judge sees her for what she is and what she is doing.  The kids have been known to lie for her cause so if the judge relys on the children's wishes, I may be in trouble.  They are very afraid of her.  My son said that he made it to his doctor's appt. on the 9th and everything checked out fine.  Yet, I have a statement from the doctor's office saying they were a no show.  See what I mean?

[burrbunch]

Unfortunly, yes, my husband and the BM were married.  Divorced in Oklahoma in 1997 after a 3 year seperation and her multiple affairs.  She moved the order to St. Clair county in Mo in 2001.  She since moved to Vernon county.  We lived out of state in KS, so we couldn't prevent the order being moved to MO.  We just moved to MO in April to be closer to the kids.  BM said she was dying.  Her health was failing so we believed that she was.  In May she had some miracle surgery and now she is claiming to have a couple more years.  She says that her health is better in AZ.  Mind you, she only went there this summer to visit.  She is also wanting to get reaquinted with her father during her last years.  He molested her when she was 13, and he now lives in AZ.  Supposedly they have talked it out and he is sorry after 20 years of no communication.  If she is still in danger of dying, my husband needs to be near the kids and if she isn't, then she is putting my step kids in danger around a known molester.  

What county are you in?  Do you find it hard to deal with everything knowing you have no rights as a stepmother?  It really gets my goat!  Just because I am a step, doesn't mean my feelings should get stepped on.  I have known these kids for 7 years.  I love them and they love me.  I also have a degree in Child and Family Relations.  I am not stupid.  I understand what this is doing to their development long term.  I wish the judge would listen to me, too.  

It is sad that a person can raise a child most of their childhood and still have no say-so.  They can have the responsiblity to care for children and yet they have no authority.  I think when parents get remarried, the law should allow the step parent some rights.  Parents shouldn't bring another adult into the situation if they do not want that adult to have a relationship with their children.  My step kids miss their step dad.  BM has left him numerous times, divorced him twice, and currently is not with him.  It breaks my heart.  I know that he loved them, too.  I want to let them see him.  It isn't fair to them.  He was active in their lives for 6 years and now it is worse than death, because the kids know he is still alive, but they are not allowed to see him or say his name.

[wendl]

I my state if you cannot find the other parent you can post a newspaper service add in the last known town that parent resided in, but it must be in the paper for 30day.

Call the clerks office and see if they have something like that.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[burrbunch]

Would we post it in her last town in MO or a big paper in Arizona that covered a lot of area?  We believe she is in the Phoenix areal.

[swilloug]

I am in Jackson county but the custody case is in Pettis county.  BM moved to Pettis County 3-5 years ago

My husband and BM were never married.  My husband and I started dating shortly after my SS turned 1.  My SS doesn't know any different then us being together, we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary.

It is very difficult knowing I have no rights but I do a lot of behind the scenes research and talk with council more often than my husband.

If I were you I would call the county the CS order is in and find out what you can do.

When I called Pettis about non-compliance of BM giving my husband report cards that we needed to go through the school and basically there wasn't anything they would do to make her give us the information.

The worst is not being able to defend myself in court.  There were so many lies about my husband and I, it was all I could do to sit there and listen by the end of the day.

When finding an attorney make sure you tell them about BM "near death illness."   In my research I found that if a parent has an illness that it could be grounds for custody change since it may be a danger to the children.  And if she wasn't sick at all this will just help you prove how much she lies (if she's anything like my SS BM).

BM in my case is re-married with a child and SD really doesn't do much with or for my SS, besides food and shelter.  I don't know how he feels about us wanting to change custody, for all we know he is for it.

I have to go, I will right more later

[msme]

Have you gone to the kids schools & asked to see where they sent the records? They have to record that. That will tell you what town they are in. Then contact the schools & make sure your hubby's name is on the emergency forms.

Does your CO have anything in it about giving notice before moving or requiring permission to move? If it does, then you can file contempt. You might be able to force her back until it is resolved.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[burrbunch]

What a great idea!  I will contact the schools immediatly.  We have already filed contempt charges on her.  She was suppose to give us a 60 day certified return reciept notification.  Although this was the first time we got any written notification of one of her moves, she only gave us 16 days before she and the children were gone.  She moved last October and we didn't know where she was for five days.  Usually she calls us the day she moves.  It is really frustrating.  Thanks for the help.