Fallout from serving OSC to Modify Support - suggestions?

[DecentDad]

Soc,

Okay, got the OSC filed and served.  Laid out everything beautifully, let my entire argument rest on her own deposition about self-reported talent in teaching, experience, education, professionalism, and earning capacity.

So, I pissed her off apparently.

Over the past several days, she's suddenly decided to cut my phone contact with my daughter.  We've got court orders for unrestricted phone access.  No question - contempt - but provable?

Also, she's decided to refuse to let daughter join me for "Dad's Art Night" at preschool next week.  This is a bid annual shindig that they play up at the school, kids and fathers doing art and getting messy all together.  Kids expect it, fathers expect it.  School invites grandfathers or uncles for kids who don't have fathers available.

Dad's Art Night falls on her custodial time.  We have court orders that parents may both attend "educational appointments", but not anything about special events.

Finally, about once a year, I've got to try to reschedule/shift my custodial time due to day travel or working a bit late.  Feb 23 was biomom's birthday, and I happened to have day travel that would interfere with my dinner custodial time with daughter.

Re Feb 23, I sent email last week, suggesting biomom just take the dinner for her b-day.  No response.  I sent email the morning of Feb 22, saying I'll need to pick up daughter an hour late on Feb 23 and I couldn't find other arrangements to pick up daughter at 5pm (normal), so if she doesn't want the entire eve, I'll need to pick up daughter at 6pm... I asked for a response within 24 hours, else I assume we'll do 6pm.  No response.

Petitioner sent me an email about another matter at 5:09pm on Feb 23, so I know she read her email.  At 5:15pm (right after I deplaned), I tried to call to verify, no answer.  At 5:20pm on Feb 23, she wrote an email saying that daughter has been waiting for 20 minutes for me, so she's going to assume I'm waiving the dinner period with her.  At 6pm, I showed up to pick up daughter, not home.  I left 8 messages the eve of Feb 23 to make sure daughter knew I hadn't forgotten her... no answer nor returned call.

Regarding Feb 23, I was willing to give it up, obviously.  I'm disturbed that biomom apparently used it to poison daughter.

1.  How do I document the no phone calls?  Worth filing a contempt if it continues (even if judge just warns her, given the "he said she said" nature of it)?  Recall that I also have a prior contempt issue (refusing to release child to me from preschool at holiday time) that I never filed yet but do have a police report for.

2.  How best to document and use the obvious bad faith and acting against child's best interest in her decision to prevent daughter from attending Dad's Art Night?  Not worthy of an Ex Parte application to let daughter attend, is it (unless for strategic purpose to showcase her bad faith)?

3.  Re the Feb 23 incident... we have orders saying parents won't involve child in any dispute.  Orders say we'll communicate civilly and respectfully.  Do biomom's actions on Feb 23 arguably violate either of those?  Else, how to document the obvious bad faith and calculating misrepresentation she showed to let daughter believe I simply didn't show up?

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  How do I document the no phone calls?  Worth filing a
>contempt if it continues (even if judge just warns her, given
>the "he said she said" nature of it)?  Recall that I also have
>a prior contempt issue (refusing to release child to me from
>preschool at holiday time) that I never filed yet but do have
>a police report for.

Record your attempts to call. The tones can be proved, but you can just call out the fact that you are calling and the time of your call. Even if the other party is entitled to privacy during the call, that only starts when they pick up the line.

Then send out a letter every time there's no contact, documenting the event and asking for an explanation.
>
>2.  How best to document and use the obvious bad faith and
>acting against child's best interest in her decision to
>prevent daughter from attending Dad's Art Night?  Not worthy
>of an Ex Parte application to let daughter attend, is it
>(unless for strategic purpose to showcase her bad faith)?

If this is during your custody time, then you have a case, otherwise, you don't. This is no different that the birthday v. wedding issue, only in reverse. You have no case here.

>3.  Re the Feb 23 incident... we have orders saying parents
>won't involve child in any dispute.  Orders say we'll
>communicate civilly and respectfully.  Do biomom's actions on
>Feb 23 arguably violate either of those?  Else, how to
>document the obvious bad faith and calculating
>misrepresentation she showed to let daughter believe I simply
>didn't show up?

You were late -- you lose. Sorry. You need to realize that this battle you're both waging is gonna go on for years, if you can't find some middle ground.

[DecentDad]

Thanks for response on the phone issue.

I understand the technical issue of something falling on the other parent's custodial time.

I guess my real question should have been... in any future modification of orders... would the court care if a parent refused to let a child attend an event hosted by the child's school, placed on the school's annual calendar (i.e., known since Sept 2004), promoted in the classroom, promoted in the monthly newsletter to parents-- specifically designed for bonding with the opposite parent?

And on the lateness to the pick-up... I was willing to WAIVE the dinner (i.e., I knew I had no ground to stand on).  Biomom refused to communicate about it.  Per her email, she prepared daughter for the visit and informed her that I simply didn't show up.

Again... real question is... does the court care that she'd handle it in that manner, when she already knew I wasn't going to show up via my attempts to communicate with her about it?

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>Again... real question is... does the court care that she'd
>handle it in that manner, when she already knew I wasn't going
>to show up via my attempts to communicate with her about it?

The court wants you to both go away. Unless you are building a case that the other parent is intentionally and routinely violating the custody orders, then you're wasting your time.

Document everything, but until you have some habitual pattern of serious violations, you're not ready for a custody challenge.

[DecentDad]

Two weeks?  One month?  Six months?

Thanks, Soc.

[socrateaser]

>Two weeks?  One month?  Six months?
>
>Thanks, Soc.


Five or more clear violations should do it.

[socrateaser]

>1.  How do I document the no phone calls?  Worth filing a
>contempt if it continues (even if judge just warns her, given
>the "he said she said" nature of it)?  Recall that I also have
>a prior contempt issue (refusing to release child to me from
>preschool at holiday time) that I never filed yet but do have
>a police report for.

Record your attempts to call. The tones can be proved, but you can just call out the fact that you are calling and the time of your call. Even if the other party is entitled to privacy during the call, that only starts when they pick up the line.

Then send out a letter every time there's no contact, documenting the event and asking for an explanation.
>
>2.  How best to document and use the obvious bad faith and
>acting against child's best interest in her decision to
>prevent daughter from attending Dad's Art Night?  Not worthy
>of an Ex Parte application to let daughter attend, is it
>(unless for strategic purpose to showcase her bad faith)?

If this is during your custody time, then you have a case, otherwise, you don't. This is no different that the birthday v. wedding issue, only in reverse. You have no case here.

>3.  Re the Feb 23 incident... we have orders saying parents
>won't involve child in any dispute.  Orders say we'll
>communicate civilly and respectfully.  Do biomom's actions on
>Feb 23 arguably violate either of those?  Else, how to
>document the obvious bad faith and calculating
>misrepresentation she showed to let daughter believe I simply
>didn't show up?

You were late -- you lose. Sorry. You need to realize that this battle you're both waging is gonna go on for years, if you can't find some middle ground.

[DecentDad]

Thanks for response on the phone issue.

I understand the technical issue of something falling on the other parent's custodial time.

I guess my real question should have been... in any future modification of orders... would the court care if a parent refused to let a child attend an event hosted by the child's school, placed on the school's annual calendar (i.e., known since Sept 2004), promoted in the classroom, promoted in the monthly newsletter to parents-- specifically designed for bonding with the opposite parent?

And on the lateness to the pick-up... I was willing to WAIVE the dinner (i.e., I knew I had no ground to stand on).  Biomom refused to communicate about it.  Per her email, she prepared daughter for the visit and informed her that I simply didn't show up.

Again... real question is... does the court care that she'd handle it in that manner, when she already knew I wasn't going to show up via my attempts to communicate with her about it?

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>Again... real question is... does the court care that she'd
>handle it in that manner, when she already knew I wasn't going
>to show up via my attempts to communicate with her about it?

The court wants you to both go away. Unless you are building a case that the other parent is intentionally and routinely violating the custody orders, then you're wasting your time.

Document everything, but until you have some habitual pattern of serious violations, you're not ready for a custody challenge.

[DecentDad]

Two weeks?  One month?  Six months?

Thanks, Soc.