Any legal avenue?

[dipper]

Soc,

To recap - dh and bm share joint legal/bm with primary physical.  In Virginia.  BM moved two hours away last year - went to court, yss chose to stay with mom.  This was Jan. 25 '05.  The judge did order changes to order - specific times and days for visitation as opposed to prior bm approval.  Fridays are supposed to be 6 dropoffs.

Okay, went to courthouse Feb. 11 - told no order had been filed by bm's lawyer.  He hadnt turned it in.  Called dh's lawyer - she had received it, hadnt looked at it.  This week got letter stating bm was requesting 7 o'clock drop off.  Had not responded to this change in order yet.

Tonight (fri.) she brings yss at 8:30!  No knowledge of this beforehand.  She had left work at 4 - drove here and arrived locally at 6, met friends  and went out to eat for 2 1/2 hours - just eight miles away from our home.

YSS breakdown for school this month - 7 days in regular class at school, 7 days suspension, 4 days in-school-suspension.  DH went to first IEP concerning one suspension this month - in 30 minutes bm received 3 calls from her employees during the hearing on her cell phone.  

Teachers had been good about emailing dh, but the past incidence they have made no contact.  Letter from principal was mailed the day IEP was scheduled.  IEP didnt take place according to letter anyway.....took place Th.  A teacher left a message on machine yesterday stating it would take place at 2:30. (BM says that is when she was called as well - she did attend meeting)  Teacher stated for dh to call him and he would fill him in.  DH called today and teacher specified time he would call back - but he did not.

According to bm there are one of three options the school is deciding on - yss will be:
* allowed to stay in school, but be held in class until hallways are clear and then he will change classes
* have to stay home and be provided tutoring
* go to an alternative school

Asked on another board, but got conflicting opinions....

Are there any grounds for change in circumstances significant enough to change custody even if yss doesnt want to?  (HE came with four new expensive gifts this evening)

1 -  the babysitters that his mother stated she trusted so much in court have both been fired from her store.  One had a felony record she had not reported.  The other - dont know why.  But, the other one has felony convictions as well as a new grand larceny charge this month.  

2 - Since court in January, yss has had one unexcused absence, seven suspension days, and four in-school suspension days,  - and it is unsure what is going to happen at this point

3 - BM is behind on rent for the third month in a row (taken to court for this).   This is four times in the eight months she has lived there.  She worked part-time while living here and met her debts, now she is working full-time and part-time, buys yss gifts but does not pay her rent.  

4 - YSS 'punishments' for his behavior is no TV  in his room -but he watches it in the LR.  He goes to a toy store during suspension - bm's mother does not keep him at all (contrary to her statements in court).  Every time he has gotten in trouble, he has gotten new gifts within days.

5 - when bm is working at night, regardless of toy store or restaurant, yss is there as long as she is.  (The 20 and 30 year old babysitters ended after court in January).  She has reduced the number of evenings out.  There really isnt anything to compare as far as yss grades as his grades for last nine weeks were bad and he hasnt been in school enough to get new grades..........

Soc, in a nutshell, is there any grounds for change in circumstances?

Thank you

[socrateaser]

>Soc, in a nutshell, is there any grounds for change in
>circumstances?

The only thing worth persuing, in my opinion, is the school issue, because it is easily documented and there are disinterested third parties who can be called to testify. If you show that the mother able to guide the child onto the right path, and this is what is causing the child's difficulties in school, then that would be sufficient for a hearing.

You're gonna need testimony from school officials, and that could be tough to obtain.

[dipper]

Soc,

To recap - dh and bm share joint legal/bm with primary physical.  In Virginia.  BM moved two hours away last year - went to court, yss chose to stay with mom.  This was Jan. 25 '05.  The judge did order changes to order - specific times and days for visitation as opposed to prior bm approval.  Fridays are supposed to be 6 dropoffs.

Okay, went to courthouse Feb. 11 - told no order had been filed by bm's lawyer.  He hadnt turned it in.  Called dh's lawyer - she had received it, hadnt looked at it.  This week got letter stating bm was requesting 7 o'clock drop off.  Had not responded to this change in order yet.

Tonight (fri.) she brings yss at 8:30!  No knowledge of this beforehand.  She had left work at 4 - drove here and arrived locally at 6, met friends  and went out to eat for 2 1/2 hours - just eight miles away from our home.

YSS breakdown for school this month - 7 days in regular class at school, 7 days suspension, 4 days in-school-suspension.  DH went to first IEP concerning one suspension this month - in 30 minutes bm received 3 calls from her employees during the hearing on her cell phone.  

Teachers had been good about emailing dh, but the past incidence they have made no contact.  Letter from principal was mailed the day IEP was scheduled.  IEP didnt take place according to letter anyway.....took place Th.  A teacher left a message on machine yesterday stating it would take place at 2:30. (BM says that is when she was called as well - she did attend meeting)  Teacher stated for dh to call him and he would fill him in.  DH called today and teacher specified time he would call back - but he did not.

According to bm there are one of three options the school is deciding on - yss will be:
* allowed to stay in school, but be held in class until hallways are clear and then he will change classes
* have to stay home and be provided tutoring
* go to an alternative school

Asked on another board, but got conflicting opinions....

Are there any grounds for change in circumstances significant enough to change custody even if yss doesnt want to?  (HE came with four new expensive gifts this evening)

1 -  the babysitters that his mother stated she trusted so much in court have both been fired from her store.  One had a felony record she had not reported.  The other - dont know why.  But, the other one has felony convictions as well as a new grand larceny charge this month.  

2 - Since court in January, yss has had one unexcused absence, seven suspension days, and four in-school suspension days,  - and it is unsure what is going to happen at this point

3 - BM is behind on rent for the third month in a row (taken to court for this).   This is four times in the eight months she has lived there.  She worked part-time while living here and met her debts, now she is working full-time and part-time, buys yss gifts but does not pay her rent.  

4 - YSS 'punishments' for his behavior is no TV  in his room -but he watches it in the LR.  He goes to a toy store during suspension - bm's mother does not keep him at all (contrary to her statements in court).  Every time he has gotten in trouble, he has gotten new gifts within days.

5 - when bm is working at night, regardless of toy store or restaurant, yss is there as long as she is.  (The 20 and 30 year old babysitters ended after court in January).  She has reduced the number of evenings out.  There really isnt anything to compare as far as yss grades as his grades for last nine weeks were bad and he hasnt been in school enough to get new grades..........

Soc, in a nutshell, is there any grounds for change in circumstances?

Thank you

[socrateaser]

>Soc, in a nutshell, is there any grounds for change in
>circumstances?

The only thing worth persuing, in my opinion, is the school issue, because it is easily documented and there are disinterested third parties who can be called to testify. If you show that the mother able to guide the child onto the right path, and this is what is causing the child's difficulties in school, then that would be sufficient for a hearing.

You're gonna need testimony from school officials, and that could be tough to obtain.

[Luving StepMom]

We went through a similar situation - we discovered our SS was receiving free lunches and also was on a state paid insurance, when we know that BM does not qualify for either of these things.  DH actually pays BM in his child support for the cost of insurance.  

Unfortunately in our situation the courts did not take this into consideration because it did not directly impact the child.  We had many other things to add to the list of financial problems and lies she has told, but the bottom line (according to the court) was that the child was doing okay and not directly impacted by BMs financial instability. She has even been evicated 3 times from various homes, but because the child has stayed in the same school they considered her "stable".

I'm not trying to be negative, just sharing what happened with us.  We didn't like it either, but...so is life when it comes to the family court system.  :-)  Hang in there.

[dipper]

Thanks - I post because I want the facts.  I dont want dh to file and then not have a chance.  

It is frustrating - last Friday, we expected yss around 6:30 - they show up at 8:30.  She wants to negotiate a later time than 6 because of her schedule - but she had gotten into town around 6, went to a friends - and then went out to eat.  She sat 8 miles away for over 2 hours before bringing yss.  Showing who is the boss I guess.

And the other night - she took yss out partying until after midnight and he had to go to school the next day.  

It is beyond frustrating at times.......giving gifts when he is suspended....makes you just want to scream.....

OH well, all we can do is live our lives well......the best revenge is to not let the chaos destroy your lives.  I told dh - we have no control over what the court allows or what she does - our happiness is what we need to concentrate on...

[dipper]

Soc,

There was a disciplinary hearing concerning my yss last week.  The disciplinary officer sent dh a letter about what she has decided and what took place.

First, bm stated that yss was doing better in that school system academically.  This is untrue as past report cards verify and as he has been put into all resource classes at this school as opposed to combination classes for two subjects at previous school.  

Also, the officer stated that he has a past history of aggressive behavior and was suspended several times at his previous school.  True that yss has had issues for years  - but he was rarely suspended other than being suspended from the bus only.  He missed 4 days of school last year.  This school  year he has missed about 12 from suspensions, and has spent about 14 in-school-suspension.

During the hearing, it is written that bm stated that she has an appt. for yss to be reconsidered for medication for ADHD.  (which is not true to our or yss' knowledge and dh did talk to bm - she didnt mention this)  BM also stated that while yss did have counseling in the past, she has not reconsidered this.  

The officer states in writing that she is concerned about his aggressive behavior, outlining each incident, concerns for safety of other students.....and that she is recommending homebound instruction at this time until the IEP team can decide what further measures to take.  The principal emailed and said that someone should be in contact this week, but they are concerned that this school is not the right placement for yss.  ((BM says they were told alternative school cannot take yss because of his IEP - the school cannot meet yss needs))  While the officer states that it is up to the IEP team she also states that the superintendent may agree with her and uphold her, may ask for a lesser penalty than withdrawal from this school, or may ask for a more severe penalty - complete expulsion.  

Also, bm lost her job last week.  We do not know the details - but, she was not offered another one at the store within miles of this one.  And it is hiring.......She told yss that she fired the man who had been hanging with yss and even spent the night with him because he was dealing drugs on the job......however, we only know the name 'T'

Soc, would it be to dh's benefit to clarify the comments regarding yss doing better academically so that the record is changed incase this goes to court at some point, but he doesnt want to hurt yss chances of staying in the school by pointing out that he has not done better?

Soc,  would the written comments about bm not reconsidering counseling be considered legal documentation vs having to try to drag a school member into court?

If bm does not take yss for reconsideration of meds, would this be in dh's favor?

Should we wait this out, or would this be possibly sufficient to request custody so that yss can finish out the school year here?

Any chance of dh representing himself and coming out ahead?

[socrateaser]

>Soc,
>
>There was a disciplinary hearing concerning my yss last week.
>The disciplinary officer sent dh a letter about what she has
>decided and what took place.
>
>First, bm stated that yss was doing better in that school
>system academically.  This is untrue as past report cards
>verify and as he has been put into all resource classes at
>this school as opposed to combination classes for two subjects
>at previous school.  
>
>Also, the officer stated that he has a past history of
>aggressive behavior and was suspended several times at his
>previous school.  True that yss has had issues for years  -
>but he was rarely suspended other than being suspended from
>the bus only.  He missed 4 days of school last year.  This
>school  year he has missed about 12 from suspensions, and has
>spent about 14 in-school-suspension.
>
>During the hearing, it is written that bm stated that she has
>an appt. for yss to be reconsidered for medication for ADHD.
>(which is not true to our or yss' knowledge and dh did talk to
>bm - she didnt mention this)  BM also stated that while yss
>did have counseling in the past, she has not reconsidered
>this.  
>
>The officer states in writing that she is concerned about his
>aggressive behavior, outlining each incident, concerns for
>safety of other students.....and that she is recommending
>homebound instruction at this time until the IEP team can
>decide what further measures to take.  The principal emailed
>and said that someone should be in contact this week, but they
>are concerned that this school is not the right placement for
>yss.  ((BM says they were told alternative school cannot take
>yss because of his IEP - the school cannot meet yss needs))
>While the officer states that it is up to the IEP team she
>also states that the superintendent may agree with her and
>uphold her, may ask for a lesser penalty than withdrawal from
>this school, or may ask for a more severe penalty - complete
>expulsion.  
>
>Also, bm lost her job last week.  We do not know the details -
>but, she was not offered another one at the store within miles
>of this one.  And it is hiring.......She told yss that she
>fired the man who had been hanging with yss and even spent the
>night with him because he was dealing drugs on the
>job......however, we only know the name 'T'
>
>Soc, would it be to dh's benefit to clarify the comments
>regarding yss doing better academically so that the record is
>changed incase this goes to court at some point, but he doesnt
>want to hurt yss chances of staying in the school by pointing
>out that he has not done better?
>
>Soc,  would the written comments about bm not reconsidering
>counseling be considered legal documentation vs having to try
>to drag a school member into court?

Better to subpoena the school.

>
>If bm does not take yss for reconsideration of meds, would
>this be in dh's favor?

Meds is not the solution to every problem. Kid needs evaluation from psychiatrist.

>
>Should we wait this out, or would this be possibly sufficient
>to request custody so that yss can finish out the school year
>here?

Maybe, but if you can't afford a lawyer to put together a case, you're wasting your time.

>
>Any chance of dh representing himself and coming out ahead?

I don't read tea leaves.