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The storm...knew it was coming

Started by kitten, Sep 17, 2004, 04:17:39 PM

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>My advise to you on this whole situation is to step back just
>a little bit.  I know it is very hard to do b/c it took me
>many many years to be able to do that.  We call it
>disengaging.  Now you don't have to say you are out of it
>totally, but you also can't let it succomb your whole life
>while you are going through court battles etc.   My life the
>last couple years has been quite peaceful b/c it hasn't been a
>constant struggle and battle with PB and the SKids.  Now we
>haven't seen them as much either which is upsetting but the
>stress level is way way down.  

I also find myself totaly caught up in the daily battles with the situation involving my SO's ex and kids. Easier said than done though. We try really hard to just have our own time to ourselves and not worry or think about her and the kids. Then she calls him or shows up at the door with this that or other  or has one of the kids call him to say something (basically relay HER message). Then we are thrown head first in to the turmoil of things and it is really hard for us to stop stressing and worrying about it for hours afterwards. The bullets just keep coming and even though we try to pick our battles, its tough on us emotionally. We DO try to let the petty things go and let her "win" if the end result is him getting more time with the kids. Even if in our heads we know that is good in the long run, it is still tough "losing" and letting her think she has the upper hand.

But that is just OUR feelings being hurt.  Taking the "high road" and making effort to come out "smelling like roses" is only worth it if we can spare the kids from hurt in the end.  We keep having to say to ourselves that we are "letting" her do this one instance of abuse in order to keep her from doing hundred other things in the future. Just like what kitten described. Our ex tells the kids "daddy doesn't want to see you" when in fact she is the one that made it impossible for him to see them. I know my SO is filled with rage when he hears his little girl cry on the phone "daddy, why didn't you come pick me up.." No amount of explaining that he DOES love her is going to take away those hours of pain that his daughter already suffered. So how many of these "one" instances should we allow?

With the legal battle dragging on for months, we are really afraid that the kids will just lose faith in their dad. Too many missed appointments or so they are led to believe, must be damaging to the kids psyches. How many times is too many? How many times does daddy have to "give in" to mommy's unreasonable demands against the children's wishes in order to do the "right thing"?  Even the police came and told them they had to go with their mommy. Teachers telling them they  need to go with their mommy. And they just see daddy doing nothing to stand up for them even if they are pleading to go with daddy? The boy 10yrs old, said to me once "I wish I could have my birthday with daddy next year, but I know... (as if to stop my objection) he won't get me next year.  I know mommy will get us all the time because mommy always gets her way..."

I don't know. All this turmoil because of this one woman who chooses to only think of herself and her feelings. I swear, if my SO is given anything less than 50/50 in court, he will seriously consider killing her himself. He is at the point where he thinks a foster family will be better than what he and his ex is putting the kids through.

Kitty C.

I'm certain that if the situation was different, Will would have signed in a heartbeat.  But the REASON FOR NOT SIGNING was based on TWO things:  BM's history up to that point and advice from his atty. (based on BM's history).

Tell me this........could you have GUARANTEED that he would have gotten the kids even if he had signed????  NO.  Because the BM's history proves that she weasels on him, getting him to do what SHE wants, then screwing him over, implying to the kids that "Daddy doesn't care about you.'  Kitten was absolutely right....with her history, the ONLY reason why she wanted Will to sign that document was to get HER off the hook for what he said on the show.  If what he had said about her not being flexible were NOT true, she wouldn't be going to these lengths to prove it otherwise.  It's ALL and ONLY about her....always has been.

To tell you the truth, Will would have been screwed either way.  Obviously, from your viewpont, he's screwed for NOT signing....and with her history and her vendetta against him, he would have been screwed if he DID.

It's called a rock and a hard place.............ever been there????  Sure doesn't sound like it, not with young lives on the line to boot..........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


I was wondering what the repercussions(sp?) of of appearing on Dr. Phil's show would be.

Your husband cannot sign anything that basically states that he lied.  She is a piece of work,  but you already know that.  Hang tight until the lawyer gets back.


Well, she is....


If he signs it, he perjures himself!!!  Pretty neat, yeah?


That is EXACTLY it.  You have described what we go through perfectly by just describing your own situation.  


YES.  And she is USING her own children to persue perjury against him.


I think both parents have one against the other.  After going to court he says NO to them going into Canada after the judge allowed it?  If a women did that she would be a PB.

None of us know what would have happened if he had signed the paper but we do know what happened b/c he refused to.

Dh and I have been through 3 courts battles with bm and one with his mother.  I know all about how hard it is.  Our first battle went similar to kittens now- w/ CPS always called (by her on us), lies, lies, lies, allegations, etc.  I am truly speaking from my heart in saying people need to grow up and work together.  People keep saying she wont do this or that but until he makes the first step to being an adult he is no better.  The games wont stop.  It is so easy to continue the cycle rather then stop and see what is best for everyone.

Kitty C.

...he's gone from trying to be the adult to CYA, just for self-preservation of his relationship with his kids.  It takes two to tango and he HAS tried, many times, to be the bigger person.  Unfortunately, she is the type of person who will take advantage and exploit it........and the end result is that he and the kids get shit on....AGAIN.

Go and ask the BM to stop..I seriously doubt she's going to listen to you anymore than she listened to Dr. Phil.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


She was allowed to FLY to ALASKA by misrepresentation to the judge.  She lied about already having plane tickets which she did not.  BF considers her a flight risk and that is why he said no to border patrol.  She has already moved most of their belongings to AK not even knowing if she will get permission to move them or not.  They have very little of their things left at bm's house in CA.  They are living out of boxes.  BM even sent their cat to AK already.