Support past high school

[ForAly]

I reside in Illinois.  My son will be graduating next June and hopefully going on to college.  The concern is that he has been in special education since the age of 4 and was finally diagnosed two years ago with PDD - NOS which is a form of autism.  This has totally explained his quirks and learning disabilities.  He does wish to go on to college, however.  He has been unable to find a job.  He is up front when interviewing and advises them of his difficulties.  I suspect that is why he has not been hired.  Although his father has been paying his child support regularly (he is a federal employee - which is very strict in this area), he has never been supportive with our son when it comes to his learning disabilities.  Consequently I have dealt with it myself which included quitting a high paying job with the Federal Government in order to take care of him when he was younger.  

My concern is when he graduates and the child support terminates.  I have been saving in order to help him with college expenses but I do not see a way for him to help with the expenses and be able to handle the schoolwork.  I have been paying his car payment and car insurance for over a year which his father has refused to help even though his salary is in the triple digits.  The divorce decree states that support terminates upon high school graduate and that college expenses may be awarded depending on the parent's circumstances.  My questions are these:

1)  Does Illinois allow for child support to extend past the age of 18 (or after high school graduation)?

2)  Does Illinois allow for child support past graduation when the child is unable to support him or herself?

3)  Does Illinois allow for college support?

Although his father is most likely retiring next year also, he will have his federal and military retirement which will be in the triple digits also.  

4)  Can support still be awarded if the non-custodial parent is retired?

5)  What options do I possible have to help support my son based on his need?

6)  Can health insurance and reimbursement for health costs continue due to his diagnosis?  (He will be on medication and under a doctor's care for the rest of his life)

7)  How soon shoud I begin negotiating this with his father?

Thank you in advance.

[socrateaser]

>1)  Does Illinois allow for child support to extend past the
>age of 18 (or after high school graduation)?

If you can prove that the child is not capable of caring for himself, because of physical/mental disabilities, then the court can extend child support indefinitely/forever.

>2)  Does Illinois allow for child support past graduation when
>the child is unable to support him or herself?

See above.

>
>3)  Does Illinois allow for college support?

IL allows for tuition and expenses. It's not really child support, but it is a reasonable substitute.

>4)  Can support still be awarded if the non-custodial parent
>is retired?

Yes.

>
>5)  What options do I possible have to help support my son
>based on his need?

Prove that the child cannot support himself due to disability. Have an expert witness physician/psychologist testify as to the child's condition.

>6)  Can health insurance and reimbursement for health costs
>continue due to his diagnosis?  (He will be on medication and
>under a doctor's care for the rest of his life)

Health insurance coverage is within the court's authority to maintain.
>
>7)  How soon shoud I begin negotiating this with his father?

Right after you spend at least one day, for me, looking in the mirror and making sure that you are not doing this (1) to punish the child's father for past wrongs done to you, and (2) because you fear the possibility that your present lifestyle will suffer from the lack of support.

You keep referring to "triple digit" income, as if the fact that the father makes a boatload of dough means that he should be throwing it at you and his child. I'm not a big proponent of welfare, public or private, and I don't think that money, by itself, is the solution to every problem. Frequently, a little hard work by the child will produce greater self-worth and a more satisfactory result in the long run. My opinion here runs counter to public policy, which leans heavily in favor of dumping money in the child's lap. Nevertheless, you are asking my opinion, so I'm providing it for you.

If the child is genuinely in trouble, then you should persue it, but NOT if the end result is that the child will use this all as a crutch so as to never become self-sufficient. My concern is that the child is apparently capable of attending college. If so, then the child is capable of working for a living.

The law gives the child a right to tutition and expense support towards college. The issue of continued child support because of permanent disability preventing self-support is a whole different issue, and you should be certain that both your motives as well as the real result that you hope to achieve is clear in your mind, before traveling down that path.

[Miller]

and I'm not an attorney nor should anything I said be viewed as legal advice.  But, my brother-in-law just went through a court hearing regarding college expenses and this is something that my DH has already discussed with his attorney.  We're in central IL and here's how it works for us.

College expenses can and usually are awarded if the CP petitions the court.  However, do not confuse this with child support because that's not what it is.  Before the court will consider the expenses, the CP must first file for financial aid and have that paperwork filed with the court.  If you are a single mother, then it's very likely that your son could get a lot of financial aid.

The expenses that my brother-in-law was ordered to pay half of were tuition, books, and fees.  He's also helping pay the health insurance premium.  Since his child is attending a community college and living at home, then there are no room/board charges as there would be for a 4-year university.  Also, he pays his half of the expenses directly to the college at the beginning of each semester, so there is no longer anything garnished from his wages.

[Kitty C.]

There ARE loans, grants, ans scholarships that can be applied for.  Given his disabilities and father's federal employment, there are probably many grants he might be eligible for.

Eventually, he will need to be on his own and there are plenty of state and gov't. programs that can assist him medically.  I am in the same boat with a 16 y.o. who is severe ADHD and will be taking meds indefinitely.  Once he graduates, his med costs will increase dramatically (with pharm. co-pay of $30 per month now to actual cost of $250 at today's prices).  I can't pay for that, so his only alternative is either to get a good job with good benefits or apply to the state.  

[ForAly]

I appreciate the comments and I can understand after looking back at my post that it would appear (as many ex-wives do) that I am trying to stick it to his father.  There is nothing further from the truth.  I do not want the support, but want it to go to our son.

I am also a step-mom with a 19 year old SD who moved in a year ago (after being thrown out at 17) and a 14 year old SD who moved in back in January (after being thrown out at 13) and the oldest's 4 month old living with us.  I have experienced the BM from hell in the last 8 years in and out of court.  She has no contact with either girls and helps in no way.  Sadly, we like it like that because it is more stable for the girls.

My interest was to find out if Illinois had provisions for the children over 18 from divorced parents, receiving additional financial help from their non-custodial parent (male or female).  I have put him into the co-op program for senior year and they are going to help him find a job.  I plan on checking on scholarships and/or grants; however, due to his disabilities he will need to go to a special college that has special aides to assist.  I also plan on him taking courses over the internet which I believe is a great tool for him to get assistance at home.  

I do believe, however, that he does have two biological parents and I don't believe a parent's responsibility (whether financially or not) should stop at 18.  Since many non-custodial parents believe they are done at 18, what options does that give their children?  They should be given the same opportunities they would have received had the marriage stayed in tact.  Would have had to take out loans?  Of course not.  

Obviously it should be based on each case's particular circumstances but there should be provisions to ensure that both parents help their children financially (because you cannot force someone to be there emotionally).

Thank you again.

[Kitty C.]

I know that this is a sensitive issue, but also remember that NOT all children from intact marriages have their parents finance their post-secondary education.  My parents didn't have the money for mine (didn't want it to begin with) and I knew full well that if I wanted to go to college, I had to find loans, grants or scholarships, plus support myself while in school.

The 16 y.o. mentioned above (my biological child) is in the same boat.  I will be there for him if he's in dire straits after he turns 18, but it's always been my opinion that I've been raising (educating, training) an adult, so once he becomes an adult, he's on his own.  I don't know if he'll be going to college or not, because we have quite a few other hurdles too numerous to mention to overcome first.  

Taking out an educational loan ain't the end of the world.  Millions of students have done it and, having worked in the healthcare field for over 20 years, I have yet to find a doctor who hasn't had at least one.  

[ForAly]

Yes it is a sensitive subject and it shouldn't be as long as it is about the children and not revenge.  And yes, loans aren't the end of the world.  But if it doesn't need to be, why start them out that way.  He doesn't want to be a doctor he just wants to be able to support himself and a family one day.

My husband and I personally believe that if capable, college exspenses should be split three ways (father, mother student).  My son's father is certainly capable as many non-custodial parents are and they should be responsible for helping their children beyond 18.  I am not sure where you live, but I do not know any 18 year olds that I would consider an adult.  Especially from divorced families because some have lacked the guidance of one or the other parent.  In my case, my son has had other hurdles and a father who is abusive and therefore has had a stressful relationship with his son.

In today's environment, you need some sort of education past high school whether college or trade school.  I do not believe that parents should fund it all while the child parties at school.  I also believe the first two years are at community college and then in-state college.

I have put money away for my part and I have ensured that my son has some put away from gifts, etc. for his.  All I am asking is for his father to pay his fair share.

Unfortuntately as many of us custodial parents know, unless there is a legal document stating the non-custodial parent should help, it won't happen.

Times have changed and this magic number of 18 just does not fit any more; at least for the children.  I don't need the help, he does.  I wish you and your son well.  It sounds like you have been a good parent to him.