When the children give up...

[NeverGiveUp]

Hi Soc,

It's been a long time since I've posted. I won't go into the history except to say I've been before the judge 2 times over the past few year, dismissed every time. Even when I had a report from a Master Social worker stating my ex was preventing me from having a meaningful relationship with my children.

Last June my oldest daughter (15) started getting into trouble in school.  Her teacher began calling me, so I tried to intervene. Instead of helping it blew up in my face and the child simply refused to come see me any more (a little help from mom who told her I was starting trouble and if she didn't get her homework done I would aggravate her life by taking her to court). Her younger sister, who sadly looks to her older sister for guidance, followed suit. Shamefully, I gave up. I would have fought the system till the end of my days but once my children looked me in the eye and proclaimed everything was my fault, I simply had nothing left in me.

With the exception of a few emails there's been nothing. I haven't seen or spoken to them in 8 long months. That goes for their grandparents, aunts/uncle, cousins, all who had great relationships with them. Sometimes in their notes they tell me how much they love me. But that's it. I religiously mail them, send them little things (Monarch butterfly's in chrysalis, little trinkets, or details of happy experiences...) I live with the fear of what damage they may encure from all this.  Along with the echo of a court evaluator who once told me, "you must never give up", but failed to tell me what to do when the children did. I know I'm not alone in this. I've met many dads who are sharing the hell ride. My question:

1)What would you recommend as the path?
PS
I have written, talked to, and pleaded with my local officials to help us. Most blow spoke up my butt...

Happy Holidays to you and yours :-)

[socrateaser]

>1)What would you recommend as the path?

b.) send your kids gifts on their special days and remind them that your door is always open if they ever need you. you may also consider mentioning  that if they ever do need your help, that you will try not judge them, and that you will only try to help.

a.) move on with your life.

note: most kids believe that their parents judge them too harshly and try to fix their children's problems, instead of just supporting their effort to find their own way in life. I thought that way -- bet you did too.

other than the above, there's nothing that you can do, unless the other parent so completely screws up that the court has no choice but to prefer you as the alternative.

Happy Holidays.

[NeverGiveUp]

Sounds like what I've been doing.  Thanks for the thoughts.  For some reason it feels better to have others confirm there's little that can be done.

Happy New Year!!

[Anthony_ill]

Just wanted to know there are many out there with the same situaiton, I have emailed you in case you want to talk more, not from a legal sense but more of just a fellowship and hope.

Thanks
Tony