right of first refusal is a joke in Virginia! any ideas?

[meet virginia]

Dear Socrateaser,

I am new to the forums and am hoping to benefit from some of your brilliant advice!:)   Long story somewhat shorter...We live in Virginia.  My husband got a girl pregnant in December 2004, before we were married and I had called a "break."  She had been staying with him because she lost her apartment, but as soon as she discovered she was pregnant, she freaked and left him for another guy.  He paid all of her medical costs for 9 months and went to all Dr visits until the girl stopped telling him when they were.  Fast forward to 9/05, he and I are back together and baby is born with my husband and her boyfriend both there.  

Girl has history of mental illness, domestic abuse from ex, use of heavy drugs, problem drinking, etc.  None of which we can prove without testimony that no one is willing to give, or without her medical records. (her divorce record makes no mention of abuse.)  She has straightened up considerably, but is now raising my step son with her new man playing daddy, and my husband having him Tue/thur eves for 2 hours and every other Sat for 7.5 hours.  Lawyer says we were lucky to get this much time with a 6 month old and should be happy.  The agreement (railroading) husband signed says she only has to offer him extra time if she will be using a sitter for more than 4 hours and for a NON WORK RELATED REASON.  Meaning she can send SS to trailer daycare even if husband is off work.  Meanwhile, I am available all day every day.  I have a bachelors degree in psych with a minor in education and dearly love this little boy.  He has had numerous eye, ear infections, colds, stomach flu etc just in the past 4 months from day care.  Lawyer says in Virginia dad has no rights to over ride daycare, let alone step mom.  Is there anything we can do?  Mom is psycho control freak and will not listen to reason.  I don't want to replace mom, just be daycare.

[socrateaser]

.