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Case in NJ (your favorite)

Custodial in NJ/non-custodial TX

Have you had any dealings with Parental Coordinator or judge ordering use of Our Family Wizard software (//www.ourfamilywizard.com)???

My ex and I do not speak at all(ex's choice), she frustrates visitation at every turn, I have gotten numerous contempt charges levied against her, financial penalties and finally after court appointed counseling for her (and still no change) the judge ordered us (at my request) to use a parental coordinator.

It has been over 1/2 a year since that ruling and ex still has not taken our son to his -introductory- meeting..........I feel frustrated because ex follows none of the court orders- so

If the judge orders use of this software- what good will it do- and does it have a track record of actually helping families??????????

Thanks

thank you for all your guidance in the past-  here is a new question-just to recap
 ex-Wife and child are in NJ
 Custody is joint legal in NJ
 I reside in Texas

Recently I have been forced to file 4 motions, over 2 1/2 years to assert my rights, contact, visitation, counseling etc.  In all but a few instances all of my requests have been granted and Defendant (ex) was found in contempt and ordered to do what she was previously ordered to do, with only sime minor financial penalties imposed.

The last motion was heard and filed just this Aug 2006.  I was seeking additional counseling, based on a voicemail she left on my machine- where she forgot to hang up- in it she can be heard saying all sorts of horrible things ot my son.  In the motion she had to provide proof of attending counseling, as I was asking for her to attend the counseling from 2005.  She provided this proof and the judge felt it was sufficient.  So no additional counseling was granted- not sure if he actually listened to the CD file.

A motion was filed by Defendant and I just received my copy- in it she asks
...require mandatory psychological counseling for the Plaintiff, at the Plaintiff's expense, due to the Plaintiff's increasingly paranoid behavior, fabrication of stories and persistent harrassment.

...to require the Plaintiff to provide me with proof of his counseling, as he has requested of me with several of his prior motions.

...to order the Plaintiff to abstain from harrassing my family and myself, whether through the US Postal service, e-mail or telephone.


She is clearly asking for this motion as retaliation for not getting the previous orders to go her way and having to grant me access to our son, against her wishes...

How do I ask the court to not grant it, based on it being retaliatory- and in the Defendant's interest not in our son's?

Her claims of fabrication of stories, paranoid behavior and persistent harrassment are unfounded and she presents a few random emails- all of which do not substantiate her claims.  I had, in the past, recorded her telephone calls because she flip flopped her stories so frequently- but I have not done so in the last 6 months or so and I am not sure if the facts on those tapes are usable to any degree..are they??

She is calling certified mail harrassment- how do I handle this?  

She returns just about everything- I only send the following:  court motions, change of address, change of employment, change of insurance and IF she hangs up on me by telephone or refuses email- which she does- then I send my response via USPS.  I do not see it as harrassment, but I do not know how the courts look at things, and this is NJ, and I know you are very candid re NJ-

So let me hear it- the Good the Bad and the Ugly- whatever it may be!

Thanks

My issue regards a recent enforcement oirder, in which the judge seemed to change some items and I need to know if this should have happened and how to handle.

I am in TX , child and CP live in NJ.  I have joint legal custody.

The original order was for the CP(mom) to attend counseling and for the child to attend counseling.  The CP was to pay 75% of the cost of the child's counseling.

The CP refused.

The CP would only take our child to counseling IF I agreed she could pay $30 and I pay the balance- so I did so that he would get to counseling (after 8 months of her dragging feet)-

I then filed contempt/enforcement motion with NJ courts- here is what the enforcement says


Plaintiff's application to enforce AUG 24 2005 order, with respect to Defendant paying 75% of the cost of counseling of the minor child, and reimbursement of fees paid by the Plaintiff, is hereby DENIED.  This court finds that the parties executed an agreement for the child's out of network therapist whereby Defendant agreed to pay $30 per session, while Plaintiff was responsible for $55.00 per session.  Defendant shall pay 75% of the unreimbursed costs for any in-network service providers for the son's counseling.

Question-How did I argue it wrong- when I tried to show the court that she twisted my arm to sign the document to get him counseling- and refused- I thought I was being the bigger person by taking the hit then- to get him the counseling- and dealing later with the contempt motion- but now it appears I was wrong...in the future how should I handle her refusal to do, unless I....?

Qurestion- In my previous orders from years ago it stated that CP was responsible for ALL out of pocket expenses for medical, due to her refusal to cover the child on insurance.  Does the most recent order in anyway change that past order??? (to me it seems it is just referring to counseling)


Second issue- same motion regarding counseling.  CP took son to counselor, without my consent some 5 years ago.  I learned of it last year and requested the child's medical records.  The CP and the counselor refused.  The court ordered in 2005 that the CP advise the counselor to turn over the records.
The CP refused.  And stated so to the court.
In the enforcement order the judge now states the following:  Plaintiff's application to enforce the DEC 22, 2005 order, with respect to Defendant providing written authorization for the son's healthcare providers to communicate with Plaintiff regarding son's health care is hereby GRANTED.  Defendant shall provide written authorization to the son's healthcare providers so that they may provide treatment information about the son to Plaintiff. (HERE IS WHERE HE CHANGED THE ORDER) However, the son's counselors shall not be required to disclose information about the son's treatment to the parties, uneless the parties' son specifically permits his counselors to do so.


I have joint legal custody.

I thought, in NJ, that  meant equal say and information re medical, yet this order seems to be saying I need the CP' OK on anything..

QUESTIONS-.is that just the way it is?  And when filing for an enforcement action is it normal/ accepted practice for the judge to change the terms of the previous order- as he has done on these two matters?

Order is in NJ, child is in NJ, I am in TX

I am filing an Enforce Litigants Rights motion in NJ regarding numerous orders which the CP has violated from August and December 2005.  The most difficult of which is the CP's derogatory remarks about me and her letting the minor child read all court documents, her sabotaging visitation, and all in all violating the courts order that "the Defendant is not to interfere with the Plaintiff's relationship with the son or attempt to estrange the son from the Plaintiff."

Up until recently all of the 'proof' I had was pure speculation on my part, and gut feeling.  Then a recording fell into my lap.  A telephone call to my residence during which the CP berates me to the child and plots a plan to get what she/they want from me- less visitation time.(go home early)

Part of the original orders were that the CP attend counseling- she refuses.  This will all be part of the contempt motion.

The question is this:  Can I specifically ask that the courts remove the child from the environment, however, what I would like to see happen is that the child live for some time with his grandparents (same schools, same neighborhood, same friends, less traumatic for my son, and he already spends 2-3 days/nights a week there) rather than have the courts say he has to come to Texas- if he wants to come that is fine, but I think it would be traumatic for him and I am torn.
Can I ask them to assign my joint custody with his grandparents rather than the CP(mom) while she attend classes and counseling?

Would they look at that type of request?

Thanks-

Stateis NJ, child resides in NJ I reside in TX

The recent order in this case states the following Plaintiffs application to require Defendant and the minor child of the marriage to attend counseling is GRANTED.  Defendant is hereby ordered to pay 75% of the cost of counseling and Plaintiff shall be responsible for the remaining 25%.

Defendant is the custodial parent, mom, and she has refused to take child to counseling. Each refusal is for a different reason.  About 8 weeks ago it was back to cost- she refuses to pay more than $25.00 for counseling.  In the end I made the appointment for our son and paid the counseling costs out of pocket so she would take him.

She agreed and did take him to one session.  She is refusing to take him to any other sessions.

At the time of the order I felt it was vague so I asked the court to clarify and in the judges return letter he states that the court intentionally did not set any time limits on the counseling as this was to be determined by the parents, who share joint legal custody.

The Defendant refuses to discuss any matters with me, refuses all certified mailings, hangs up and/or screams at me anytime I call.

Questions are
1) Do I continue to make counseling appointments for the child?

2) I intend to go back to court to Enforce Litigants Rights (3rd time now in 2 years) for this issue and 4 others, do I ask the court for reimbursement of the costs the Defendant was ordered to pay in the previous order? and if so how?

3) How do I ask the court to get our son counseling, as the current order is being disregarded?  And how do I get the court to get the Defendant to go to counseling- again it is in the above mentioned order but she reffuses to go as she says she needs no counseling.


This situation is highly volatile and despite the courts already awarding me compensatory time with our son, putting monetary sanctions on her for the costs incurred when she denied visitation last year, and the court ordering counseling the hostile and abusive behavior continues toward me and in front of our son- what more do I need to ask them for?

quick question- I hope- have you ever heard of any state doing this?  My child support is through NJ court order, but is collected in TX where I now live.  I had some arrears to pay- and did so- they were paid in full about 2 months ago.  The new WRIT of witholding only just went out last week- and has not yet been put into place- thus I have been overpaying for going on 3 months.  The sum is not large, but it is still an overpay- roughly 200.00 at this point.  I asked NJ to tell me how to recoup this overpayment. They are not wanting to do it.  They are willing to go back, audit my account, talk to TX and then let me know- but clearly by the telephone conversation they do not want to help me get the overpayment back.  Is this normal?  Do you know of a process I can use on my own to recoup these monies...I feel very upset that the system is not willing to help me get back my monies that they took from my paycheck, but if the CP was owed the money I am thinking they would be more than willing to go after the sum- no matter what it was.  They actually suggested I call my ex and just ask her to pay me back the money she was over paid- my ex will not even speak to me- let alone cut me a check.  Just wanted some insight from you- Thanks

I have three questions - I submitted a parenting plan to the court, in my most recent filing and asked them to approve the plan.

Today I received the court order and it does not even address the plan- does not GRANT nor DENY it.  Not mentioned at all.

1-Should I send an appeal back to ask that the court address this issue?

Second question- I thought that State Law in NJ did not allow for the CP to take the minor child out of the state for vacation without notification to the NCP.  My ex has been doing this on a regular basis and even removing our child from school to vacation- I asked the court to grant that the CP not be allowed to remove the child from school for reasons other than illness/death and that the CP discuss with me -prior- to any out of state vacations. (Except in the case of the TRIstate area NJ NY PA- I had asked that this only required a call as travel in that area is pretty common and would be expected).

The order came back like this:
Plaintiff's application to enforce litigants rights with respect to Defendnant traveling with the minor child out of the State of NJ and to prohibit Defendant from removing the child from school for reasons other than illness / death, is hereby DENIED.  Defendant is to provide Plaintiff with written notice of any vacations thirty (30) days prior to said vacation.


2- Did I, in the court's eyes, basically get what I was seeking- That she could not just take our child on a trip - no notice, no discussion, no way to know where he is?  And that she stop taking him out of school for vacations (he misses upwards of 8-12 days a year, many of which are for vacations)

I have an order in place that orders her to allow me daily telephone contact with our son.  She has a longstanding history of taking him out of town, out of state, on vacation without telling me when and where and in turn not allowing me the daily telephone access.

I am not sure if I have, in legal language, what I was seeking- it sounds fine to me, but will it hold up in court- should she go ahead and do one of her disappearing acts again.


Final question-

When the court state
"Plaintiff's application to enforce litigant's rights with respect to the Court Orders of July 2005 and August 2005 which enforced rights to the following: "joint legal custody" of the minor child, that Defendant not do anything to estrange the child from the other parent, that Defendant not do anything to estrange the child from the other parent, that Defendant not do anything to impeded the natural development of the parent-child relationship, and counselor, is hereby denied in part.  Plaintiff's application for the court to appoint a counselor for Defendant is herby DENIED.  Defendnant is ORDERED to provide either written authorization to the son's healthcare providers to communicate with Plaintiff regarding the son's treatment, or else for Defendant to provide to Plaintiff more detailed information regarding the son's treatment beyond names and phone numbers of the doctors.  Defendant is also ORDERED to not interfere with the Plaintiff's relationship with the son, or attempt to estrange the son from the Plaintiff."

3--What are they actually saying???

I think I get it, that she needs to sign off on the psychologist talking to me, which he refuses to do.

3a--But on the issue of estrangement- she does so much to pull him away from me, ranging from refusing to speak to me- by yelling at him that she wont talk to me- to telling him to lie to me- to refusing to acknolwedge his brothers of my current marriage and refusing to allow our son to celebrate father's day or my birthday- to refusing to allow him to acknowledge his grandparents (on my side)- and throwing out gifts they send- etc.  So here forward how do you bring to the court issues of estrangement in a manner that states the issue and proves it- WITHOUT seeming petty-----??  And will it be something she can be found in contempt on, based on the above wording??


Thanks

Here is the question.  My child lives in NJ with my ex and the court orders are all out of NJ.  For a time I lived in New England and during that time , 2.5 years, my ex and I negotiated a visitation plan and it was entered into record with the courts.  Pretty standard, alt weekends, alt school vacations and alt holidays , mothers day with mom , fathers day with dad and each to spend time with child on his birthday.  Mid week visitation upon notice.

Since that order I have relocated to TX.

My ex and I are having many many issues and are in the midst of the third motion in 6 months (I have written to you on some of these issues before).

Today I rcvd her response to my motion and in it she makes the following statement, which to me sounds out in left field...can you tell me if she has any grounds to think in these terms:
(note I submitted to the court a version of the parenting plan that is avail on this website, which dealt directly with the issues we are facing)

....'I would ask that the court disregard the Plaintiff's proposed parenting plan.  The Plaintiff is trying to micro-manage time with our son.  Since the Plaintiff has moved to Texas, the visitation arrangements have been and currently are four weeks during summer recess and alternating Christmas recess, to occur in Texas.  If the Plaintiff moves closer to our son, visitation terms can be renegotiated as they have been in the past.'

My ex is under the impression first of all that my visitation has changed because I moved, is this an accurate viewpoint?

No change to visitation has ever been filed, so I am under the impression my visitation stands as ordered, specifically alternating school breaks and holidays as well as 4 weeks consecutive or non consecutive and (nowhere in the order does it specify in what state visitation is to take place)

My ex has continually manipulated the courts words, which is why I am asking for the parenting plan to be put into effect- so she and I can have clear expectations of what is expected and when and what the penalty will be for failure to comply (i.e. contempt)

Am I expecting too much?

Am I misunderstanding the court and how they function?

Need to respond to her in 2 days to meet my deadline- THANKS!

Thanks for all help on previous item posted.  This is separate question.

The court clerk has advised me that the judge dealing with our case, New Jersey, will not consider a change of custody from a PRO SE litigant.

Is that legal?  perhaps better question Is that the norm in NJ?

I rcvd an email from my ex tonight telling me to 'get off my a**' and call the damn psychologist myself, she won't do it.  (Despite court order to do it, and a separate letter direct from the judge advising that she MUST do it)  This is one of many examples of her unwillingness to do the following:
1- communicate  2-allow visitation  3-micro manage my time with my child  4-include me in his life (tries to place step father in roles that call for Father, ie special ceremonies, and events, school functions etc)  along with other items.

If I am on the 3rd Pro Se motion in 6 months, and she has refused to follow any, nor has she followed the Court's decision from 2001 or 2002 then the time may be to file for change of custody.  

Not sure if should try or should try to gather the $5000 retainer for the attorney?  (which yes would be a struggle!!)

I placed before the court recently a request that my son and my ex-wife attend counseling.  The court granted that request.  My son attended one session with the counselor and then the counselor refused to work with me, the father, and I was forced to terminate his services.  

About this time my ex advised me that our son had seen the same counselor approx. 3 years ago, without my consent.

We have joint- legal custody in the state of New Jersey.  In 2 separate motions the court has found my ex in contempt.  And ruled as follows

Plaintiff's(me) application to enforce litigants rights with respect to allowing Plaintiff and Defendant to have an equal say in all of the major decisions concerning the child's health, education and general welfare as per Paragraph 1.1 of the Property Settlement is GRANTED.

The question now revolves around the psychologist that our son saw once this year, court ordered, and for some time a few years back.  I used the forms from the SPARC web site to request medical records from all docs.  All responded, with the exception of the psychologist.  A second request was made.  It has been over 3 weeks since the second request and today I received the following letter: (from the psychologist)

  I just picked up your certified letter on my day off.  I understand you believe your request to be simple and straight forward, but it is not.  First of all, I have spent already one and one half-hours on one phone call to you directly, two phone calls which you did not respond to my messages for information, reading two letters of yours, picking up a letter from the post office, and responding with this letter.  I anticipate record preparations for you will take two additional hours.  At my professional rate of $100/hr I expect a certified check of $350 to complete your request.  Or did you think this would be for free?  Secondly, your son expressed strong concerns in session that neither parent nor step-parents would have access to his clinical record.  Of course, to gain his cooperation and the truth I gave him my word I would not violate his confidentiality.  Therefore, your request would be a violation of my promise to your son and I cannot comply with you at this time.  Certainly, if you can gain his permission in written form I can comply with your request.  Without your son's cooperation I believe you pushing your rights further would suggest you are pushing your own clinical interests, not his.

Sincerely

XXXXXXXXX


The facts are child is 11 years old and was approx 8 or 9 at the initial session, which was without my consent.

The questions are
in New Jersey it is my understanding that the statute 9:2-4.2 provides the following:  Every parent, except as prohibited by federal and State law, shall have access to records and information pertaining to his or her unemancipated child, including, but not limited to, medical, dental, insurance, child care and educational records, whether or not the child resides with the parent, unless that access is found by the court to be not in the best interest of the child or the access is found by the court to be sought for the purpose of causing detriment to the other parent.

Is this accurate and does it pertain to psychologist????

Also, the New Jersey Division of Consumer Affairs lists, in their Psychologist REG section that
 (p46) A licensee shall prepare and maintian separately for each client a permanent client record

The psychologist has told me that he does not keep written records, is this possible and/or legal?

In this same document, under section 13:42-8.3 Access to Copy of Client Records it states:

For purposes of this section, "authorized representative" means, but is not necessarily limited to, a person designated by the client or the court...If the client is a minor, a parent or guardien who has custody(whether sole or joint) will be deemed to be an authorized representative.

...No later than 30 days from receipt of a request from a client or duly authorized representative, the licensee shall provide a copy of the client record and/or billing record, including reports relating to the client.

Based on this information the question here is DO I have the right, contrary to what the psychologist states in his letter, to request my son's records?  And doesn't he have the obligation to provide them within 30 days of the request?

 Finally it is my understanding that when the counseling is court ordered the right to any confidentiality is lost and the psychologist is responsible to explain this to the client, adult or child, as is the case.  Can you verify this also?


To date all that I have done with your guidance and that of your website and FAQ section has been very successful.  I am making headway in a highly volatile situation.  This psychologist is, I believe, lying and in conspiracy with my ex and perhaps fraudulently billing for hours not worked, etc.  So I want to have my facts straight when I go back at him for these records.  

Needless to say, my ex has not worked with me to find our son a new counselor and we have yet another motion pending to Enforce Litigants Rights- the third in 6 months and on each so far I have been granted each and every item, as I ask for nothing but what I have already been granted, I do not envision this time being any different.

If this doc is not adhering to the law, however, I need to know so I can obtain the needed records and obtain new and proper counseling for our son.

Any help- appreciated- Dad