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Topics - speciallady

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Second Families / A returning "oldie"
« on: Aug 02, 2009, 09:45:58 AM »
Hi all! I used to be oneandonly and still read here but our whole court stuff ended last year at this time. "Waves" to everyone!
Oh boy so much has happened and I am checking in and sharing to give hope to others...
My husbands twins are now 21--boy (man) just got out of the army and is living with us in Vegas. Girl (woman) is still in army but getting out soon.
Immediatly upon graduation, both kids left their mothers and joined the army. Dad was and is quite proud since it seems so many youths have no direction at that age. Both served in Iraq. Both are in the states now safe and sound.
The boy (man) got out and chose to live with us. I'll say from an observers standpoint, the minute they both left their mothers, communication went through the roof! Dad and son have built this bond I always knew would happen if there was NO interference. Hes been here over three weeks now and I am just amazed at how much he is like his dad! They are true friends and companions.
My husband and myself were looking through some old papers to find something for our car and there were all the old court papers. Son asked to see them--now mind you, the entire 12 years I've known my husband and been around his children, never ever ever once were court papers or negative things shared with them. He read them and commented that he never knew his dad was so involved (or tried to be) that whole time. He was surprised we had his school records and reflected on some memories during that time.
Currently the father/daughter relationship is not the best but they still talk once in a while. She's shown some characteristics of her mother which my husband ignores. I have an issue with her as I paid a debt for her last year and she has yet to acknowledge or pay back. She's an adult now and should be held accountable. Never a thank you either.
Son is going to visit his mother soon and then back here. I've lined a job up for him via some connections I have.  His mother is working on husband #5 (maybe 4 as we're not sure if she married #2...). She still stalks me on the net. I am sure this arrangement with son is not to her liking but her area is suffering more economically than we are.  I was driving to the store with son the other day and she called him--asked who he was with (what does that matter?) and he said me..she said some snotty things and he rolled his eyes. Let it go already!
SO, it can happen--a light so bright at the end of the tunnel that it blinds you! We are living in it now and I could cry every day at the happiness I see in both their eyes!
Always keep the faith!

Child Support Issues / Responses--since my thread was locked.
« on: Nov 02, 2007, 02:34:22 AM »
I don't want to keep an arguement going but do want to respond. I contacted Waylon and he said he did not lock this but one of the moderators did?

I was in the process of looking up child support stats but felt that is something that one can do on their own. There are many  articles, reports, etc... on how the system is failing in California. The system is NOT based on the needs of the child/children but rather a complex formula based on income. Of course, income has to play a part as that is what this is all about. But seriously though, look at those in jobs of means, like actors....40K a month for a child? come on now...

Be that as it may, I know personally of folks just trying to do their best. Move on with their lives, provide for not one family but two. Let's not even add that in..another family. I know of one man that was hit with a large amount of support, insurance, etc....and had to sleep in his car. Any increase in his income resulted in an increase in support. Not right.

Personally, I know of two men who have custody in California. The first did not want to file for child support. He was urged to do so for the childs sake and the childs future. He brought this to the CSE agency and was told, "well, she doesn't make very much so you'll get very little". He decided against it as his focus was not to financially cripple the NCP but to make sure money was never an issue for the NCP to see her child. I don't know of many women that would do that.
The second, support filed for, not paid for a while. Hearing scheduled and delayed and delayed and delayed...finally get to court. Woman NCP basically cries in court and gets arrears reduced.
Try doing that as a man....**

My husbands situation was not fair at all. He paid, was paid off in current and arrears and now the CP (is she still considered that when the kids are 19?) gets a winfall. I stated before he got behind; he also got tagged with backdated support payments for a whole year. Unemployment happens. I don't think this particular woman has worked a total of 1 year full time. Why should she be rewarded for her sloth?

My solution, (you asked Mist...)...
50/50 split custody with NO support exchanged. It can work.

Mist, you stated you pay a lot in support. I hope you're always healthy, always working and never ever have to go through this. You miss one payment, just one, and you'll be in the same boat.

On a side note, my husband and his children have never been closer. THey call from Iraq all the time. It's a shame and a blessing this only happened since they left their mothers.

I don't care how much you defend the child support system---when a state is rewarded with federal money for collecting, it is never about the children.

** not intentionally slamming women here just using personal examples.**

Child Support Issues / A story to rip your heart out and inform...
« on: Oct 29, 2007, 01:46:39 PM »
THis is also an update of what I've posted on the second families board but here goes...

My husband was just hit with 8K in arrears (although bm thinks she's getting more...) when the state of California did an audit, at her request, and figured in interest dating back to 1995. Interest taken right off the top of previous payments so now he's back in arrears.

His current and arrears were paid off Sept 21 this year but it didnt matter. Court was Oct 12 and he got socked a good one.
In California, no matter when you pay off, they can go back at any time and figure in interest. My husband talked to 3 lawyers and two are of the paralegals working for them went through the same thing. One person had everything paid off and 6 years later, they came back at her for interest. Yep, a "her".

This man served his country, tried to do the right thing and bam--here we are. Sure he's been umemployed but that happens. BM on the other hand, has never soley supported herself or her children. She has done everything short of accusing sexual abuse (although she has mentioned this before) to keep the kids away from their dad. THey are both 19 now and stationed in Iraq and she still continues---she pretends to be the kids on the net, still.

BM has been on this board too---stalking--she pretended to be me on here several times. In chat. Other boards too.

This is all just so wrong. He married her, she got pregnant while he was in service and she took off. She tried everything she could to keep him away from those kids. He still paid support. He even paid for a child she got pregnant with while  they were still married that was not his. ONce she found out that biodad had money though, she changed all that. This kid even had his last name at one time..nice, eh?

He gets out of service, hard to find work-never files for a reduction. He always let cse know what was going on. She filed for an increase AFTER we got married, thinking she'd get her hands on my money and they backdated to the date of filing--a year later. Interest on that as well.

CA "child" support just never ends. I could see if she solely supported those kids but its either been welfare, some guy, cash payments, family, payments for, how shall we say? "favors"....

We'll get through this---as always. But be forwarned, if you have a CA order, you'll be paying for a long time.

Dear Socrateaser / OY vey--worth retaining attorney again?
« on: Jan 28, 2006, 06:46:20 PM »
CA controls order, BF in Nevada, BM and children in Oregon.
Children (twins) will be 18 in March, graduating, ending current support order in June.
Last court hearing was in December in Nevada and nothing was changed to order.
However, Nevada has sent BF's employer notice to enroll children in insurance.
This was already attempted previously and CA sent employer notice that THEY are not requesting this and to discontinue enrollment. It was.
(CA determined NV insurance is very costly and stopped enrollment--not before getting a couple of payments, though.)

1) How can this be handled? Am I understanding this correctly that CA still controls the order (they do) so NV has no authority to order this?
2) Is this something an attorney should be handling (the current order is ending soon, realistically, by the time insurance goes into effect, there will be no legal bounds to provide this...) or can BF just make some calls (again) to let NV CSE know CA still controls the order and insurance has NOT been ordered by them?
3) Isnt the time factor here important? Like the fact they will be legal adults soon, graduating soon, therefore, enrollment will be pointless?


Dear Socrateaser / Just an update, my legal friend~
« on: Dec 08, 2005, 04:42:49 PM »
Recap-BM filed to have interest added to arrears, compounded annually for the past 10 years.
Court was today.

It went nowhere;she got nothing.

Oh wait, she did manage to make the DA a tad bit upset because of not being completely honest (to say the least) in her filings.

Thanks for all your help, again!

Dear Socrateaser / "Doctrine of Laches"
« on: Sep 18, 2005, 09:36:36 AM »
Gathering information here and trying to decide on an attorney so any information is greatly appreciated.

CA contols the support order, although BM and children live in OR and BF lives in NV.
Stipulation was agreed on in January 2005 by BF to continue paying CA support amount, along with arrears and payments to CA for arrears for welfare received. Signed by judge in April.

In June, BM files in NV to have interest added on to arrears. 10% compounded annually for the past 10 years. Current support order ends June, 2006 as the children turn 18 in March and graduate in June.
She got a computer printout from the state of OR and took it to an accountant to figure out the compounded interest and that was filed with her request.
This printout does NOT show the amounts paid via the state of CA, however, NV CSE does have the complete audit with all payments shown.
(example--OR shows NO payments for the entire year of 2003, but CA has those payments documented).

1) Would Doctrine of Laches apply here? She is asking for the interest, not the state. Current order is almost ending so an attorney mentioned this doctrine.
2) CA controls the order, so CA laws apply, yes? Several attorneys here in NV were unsure if interest could be compounded to begin with.
3) Is there any legal responsibility/accountability on BM's part for knowingly filing a printout that was not accurate?

Thanks :)

General Issues / Waylon???
« on: Jan 03, 2008, 08:08:47 PM »
You're getting married??????

so so so happy for you!!

Come on now, share....details details details....

General Issues / Happy Thanksgiving All!!!
« on: Nov 24, 2005, 02:16:57 AM »
(sure do miss the "ole gang" btw--Children First, Troubledmom, LAH, etc....etc...)

God Bless you all and here's hoping this holiday is not spent on this forum but with your children~
My husbands journey is almost over, the mountains done been climbed but 5+ years ago, if you would have told us the end would come before we knew it, I'd have thought that was craziness.

Again, have a wonderful holiday and weekend!!

General Issues / Waylon
« on: Sep 03, 2005, 11:23:13 PM »
I just wanted to take a minute here and thank you...for this site and the services provided here. There really is nothing like it on the net. There are so many horrible things going on in this world but it's a huge comfort for those facing parental court cases (and other parental issues), to come here and get, hopefully, what is needed.
I would have never thought 8 years ago when I first met my soon-to-be husband that such a site was needed, let alone, on the net at all. I don't post as much any more, but am here daily..reading the forums, checking the chat room for old friends, etc.....with every click, I learn something new.

So, thank you and bless you and yours for everything you (and the SPARC staff) do for parents!

"You are the wind beneath my wings" (and many others too~)

General Issues / general question re: continuance
« on: Aug 14, 2005, 04:50:25 PM »
If one party is granted a continuance to retain an attorney and at the next hearing, no attorney there, what can happen?

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