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Messages - StPaulieGirl

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1
Shrink Rap / This is interesting
« on: Jun 08, 2004, 10:01:26 PM »
My friend's oldest girl seems to be having that problem.  She's 15.  It's not a pleasant situation for her, according to my friend.  He noticed that she's been packing on the pounds since the last time he was allowed to see her.

Her mother resents the fact that the girl still wants to spend time with her father.  She has pumped her up on meds because the girl is depressed over the situation.  The girl has also been told that dad will have a life and won't want her when she's 18 and can legally move to her dad's.  I personally resent this, but cannot say a word.  The mother monitors all communications between my friend and his children.  She reads emails, and listens in on phone conversations.  

The 2 younger kids don't give a you know what about their father, therefore they don't have any problems.

All I can say is go for lots of exercise when you have time with her.  Don't blame granddaddy though, he probably thinks he's doing her a good thing by spoiling her.  My youngest gets spoiled by her stepgrandparents.  They have all boys in that family, and now there is a girl to spoil.  Grandpa takes her out for milkshakes....(btw, all her grandparents are dead, so I'm not going to complain).  Some people equate love with food.  Can you negotiate with the ex and get her into sports?

Good luck!

2
Shrink Rap / RE: the begining of the end
« on: Mar 30, 2004, 07:06:12 PM »
How old is your kid? The end of what?  You ought to be just getting started.  This is completely inexcusable.  Is the child's mother deliberately keeping the cut from healing?  Check out the links here on PAS.  I don't know if it is what's going on, but it's a good place to start.

A cut on the knee.  Good grief, to put this in normal perspective, I could write an article about my favorite So Cal ER's.  I have 4 kids.  A cut on the knee.  One time the youngest got her brother's skateboard and lost control of it going downhill.  Try roadrash from head to toe.  All you have to do is turn your head for 2 minutes and they're off building skateboard ramps off of the damn roof.  Of course my kids are probably rowdier than yours, but still.  Getting banged up is a part of growing up.  You try and keep them from doing it, but they'll find a way.  

I hope your kid is a girl instead of a boy.  Talk to a lawyer.

3
Shrink Rap / RE: Thanks, SPG!!!!!!!
« on: Mar 30, 2004, 06:43:08 PM »
I'm sorry to hear about your sister.  Don't rule out schizophrenia as a possible cause of her issues.  Hope all goes well for you both tomorrow :-)

4
You know, I've argued about personality disorder here.  Imo, it's not the gender, it's the personality.  My ex husband could be both your ex's twin.

God the lies he tells.  My kids lie.  The teen years are no fun, so brace yourself.  And the attitude?  I posted about his latest letter of instructions on the Father's board.  People probably think I make too much of things, but you all know how they love to yank the chain.  I was married to mine for 19 years. There are things I just won't talk about. The youngest is 9, so I have 9 years to go.  Between his lies to get his wife hooked, and the neighbor from hell (whom I "devalued"-see rant and moan on general issues board, lol), my health kind of did a weird turn.  

Notice how nothing sticks to them?  Brand new houses, new cars?  Look, the man does work for a living, but when I personally know a guy who had to live out of his van for 2 years, because of his divorce....I just have to ask if these people have Satanic protection.  

Does anyone have a problem of being a "magnet" for these types of people?  Besides my ex, I had a boss who was completely insane(conditional Jesus freak) and hired me personally, then my neighbor decided to be my best buddy.  She moved in when I was 10, and my mom couldn't stand her.  Unfortunately my mom had some problems, and it conditioned me.  Hey at least I take after my dad :-)

One more thing...this is contagious.  All I wanted was peace and sanity in our lives.  Nothing fancy, just a peaceful boring existence.  My kids have "it", so nothing is ever peaceful around here.  Oh well.


5
Shrink Rap / RE: thanks for the info
« on: Mar 29, 2004, 10:53:54 PM »
I am a firm believer that our PB has the disorder. It's difficult to "stay away" when DH and her have kids together!

Yeah, you're right.  Unfortunately the sanest thing to do is to run....if you can.  Check my post to KittyC.  There's some good links.  

6
Shrink Rap / RE: Grazer...........Sam Vaknin's site
« on: Mar 29, 2004, 10:50:12 PM »
An excellent website:

http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/introduction.html

"Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"
The Introduction: The Habitual Identity

This has excellent links also:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/aftermath.html

I was a member of N_Magnets Anonymous for several years.  It's a Yahoo group, and you can learn a lot from the members.  Unfortunately it can also get pretty depressing, which is why I don't participate anymore :-(

7
Shrink Rap / QDRO
« on: Jan 17, 2004, 04:46:51 PM »
I'm in probate court right now.  I think it's almost as bad as family court.  I'll take care of the QDRO when I can.  Right now I have my hands full of unnecessary bs.  My son in law(who has a BS in Finance) seems to think that I can demand my share now, then put it into my own 401k.  I think he is mistaken.  He isn't at all familiar with this specific issue.

My daughter(wife of son in law) jumped on me last week regarding the child credit.  The guy who has been doing our taxes, as a favor to me, handles this.  I don't make enough money for the child credit to make a difference, but he does.  This is one less thing my ex can harass me over.  When and if I make a decent amount of money, things will change.  They will also change if my ex uses a different tax preparer.

http://www.preventragedy.com/

Check it out.  My tax guy was involved in an abusive relationship with a substance abuser years ago.  He ended up spending a night in jail, and she damaged his business.  He ended up writing a book about the financial abuse they (and sociopathic personalities-we've had some friendly arguments over this) do to unsuspecting people.  He's trying to cut down on the stress level on my side.  My ex is like a pitbull when he wants to get his way...especially when he's dead wrong.

I know what you're saying, but I need to stay as far away from my ex as possible, as a preventative health measure.

Thanks for your reply and concern, I appreciate it :-)

8
Shrink Rap / RE: Some advice is needed regarding kid's father
« on: Jan 17, 2004, 03:36:26 PM »
I can't stand liars, and don't want my kids to lie.  I've tried to tell them that if he wants to know what is going on with anything else but them, then he needs to ask me.  Just the other day, my 24 yr old offered to take my car home with her, then freaked out because my friend is supposed to come down for a few days, and this weekend is the ex's visitation.  That's when I decided the hell with this.  My ex and I have been divorced for over 3 yrs.  He has been remarried for a year, so if I date it's none of his business, to a point of course.  No hiding cars in the alley or at my girl's house.  

My little one really enjoys tae kwon do, and she's catching on quick :-)

9
Shrink Rap / I nursed my kids
« on: Jan 07, 2004, 02:27:31 PM »
Actually my 2 middle ones.  

Okay, listen.  Maybe it's just me, but the minute I figured my kids could tolerate regular grocery store milk, I weaned them.  I did not have a very pleasant time nursing, as my babies cut their teeth rather early :-(

I don't know about custody evaluations, but I can tell you that BM is a few sandwiches short of a good picnic.  What she is doing is not normal behavior...AT ALL!  You are not over reacting, nor are you off your rocker.  

The custody evaluator obviously has some issues of his own, because the BM's behavior is not normal, but downright creepy!!!  I would get another evaluator, if possible.  Like I said, I don't know how evaluations work.  Maybe someone can help you out on that end, but it is not normal for a 4 yr old child to nurse off her mother...whether or not there is any milk.

Good luck!

10
Shrink Rap / RE: Some advice is needed regarding kid's father
« on: Jan 05, 2004, 08:22:31 AM »
Thank you for your reply.  It's not so much the older kids I'm worried about, it's the 2 younger ones.  Especially the 9 yr old.   How do I teach her how to respect her elders, when her father keeps lying to her, and hurting everyone? He will continue to hurt us as long as he is legally able to.  Here's an example:

My ex had the kids until yesterday.  He brought them back at 11 am, friday morning!  It's a good thing I was running late, because I had planned to go to the desert this last weekend.  He actually came to the door and was looking around.  The problem is that I purchased another vehicle, as my car blew another transmission.  When my mom passed away in September, I got another car, thanks to an insurance policy in my name.  My little girl told me last night that her dad kept asking her whose car that was, so she told him it was her taekwon do instructor's.  See?  She's already lying!  I told her that if her father has any questions, just tell him that he needs to ask me, and that you don't know anything.  Heck, when he dropped the kids off, he actually came to the door, walked in and was looking around.  

I talked to my son in law, and he said that he and my oldest girl would watch the kids for the weekend, so I could go out of town as planned.   The taekwan do instuctor?  He's my bf(he's the first bf since I met my ex when I was 18 ).  He lives next door to my 21 yr old, up in the desert.  He teaches taekwan do on the side, and my 9 yr old is already pretty good at it.

I've been doing the positive thinking route for years.  The crap just keeps snowballing.  The amount of bad luck, not even dealing with divorce and custody, has been unreal the last couple of years.  I just want to help the kids get through this in one piece.   I want to get through this, without ending up in the hospital.

 My 16 yr old son pulled a real good one, and everyone is telling me to get a lawyer, instead of having him arrested for credit card theft.  That would be a felony.  He lifted my ATM/Visa debit card and made an online purchase.  The dumbass used my email address!  I wanted to call the cops on him, but my bf told me to talk to a lawyer first, and so did my son in law.  I feel that, at 16 yrs old, he needs a good dose of reality.  Jail might wake him him up.  Thankfully it was only 35 bucks on the card-that I know about.  My son in law talked to him yesterday.  Gee whiz, the boy is actually going to do his chores!  I'm still going to consult with a lawyer.  That boy needs to go to boot camp.  Yes, I have seriously considered sending him back to his father.  Unfortunately his father buys him cigarettes and Playboy magazines.  Probably lets him drink beer, too.  

I'm hoping that 2004 brings us all peace and sanity.  Thanks again for the advice, Dr D....


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