Messages

In regards to the wedding situation.  If this is a full blown circus wedding (i.e. Friday night rehearsal, Saturday all day event, ceremony, reception, Sunday gift opening) she will probably be too busy to spend much quality time with your son.  Is he part of the wedding?  You could offer to drop him off at the event and pick him up at a reasonable time in the evening.  That way he gets to attend the wedding, you get your weekend time and depending on the details of the wedding - he won't be shuffled off to other friends or relatives because mom is too busy concentrating on her big day/weekend.  Just a suggestion.

RE:  Kidnapping Charges - we went through this with hubby's ex - she wasn't home when we were to drop SD off - so we didn't.  She called cops, she has also called when we were 10-15 minutes late (we called and left messages that we would be but she doesn't answer our calls) the cops laughed and said technically we have 12 hours from the time on the CO before anything legal can be done.


RE:  TRANSPORTATION - also went through this with his ex - she moved yet we had to do all the driving, she refused to do any.  We filed and went to court, Judge stated it will be split 1/2 - this IS in the best interest of all parties.  Even though your ex moves - it would be best to split it - either meeting half way or as in our case the "receiving" parent picks up.  Better to keep the peace in some instances than trying to be pig-headed (I am in NO way infering that is your intent). As the Judge stated in our case that situations change and someday it might be you that will make the move and you would like to have as much cooperation in the matter of transportation.  Remember when the transportation CO is set up to be VERY specific in some areas but less restrictive on others.  Also remember that anything on the CO stands, so don't be so restrictive as to specify who may pick-up, where the drop-off/pick-up is etc unless your situation demands it.  This one blew up in his ex's face as she had specified that when she picked up SD she HAD to be at our residence address - well ... on Sunday's we usually went to visit family members that lived approximately 15 miles from BM instead of our residence being 55 miles.  There were several times she followed us all the way home just to pick up SD - bitching at us when we got home why we didn't stop - well SHE was the one adament that the only place she could pick up her daughter was at our residence.  I would not be restrictive about who can pick up either as YOU might run into a situation where it necessitates someone else getting your child/ren and she could refuse to allow that person to pick them up based on the restrictions of the CO.   

I too noticed the tone from Momfortwo. Does not seem to be an advocate of 50/50 parenting at all.  My X and I decided to be adults and worked visitation out amongst ourselves instead of the court stating when - why and where.  I have sinced moved out of state, my son is 16 and he stayed with his dad.  We have a total understanding that he is allowed to travel back and forth when vacations allow.  He talks to me everyday via phone, email & facebook.  He does not resent me moving. In fact he supported it knowing what my husband & I were going through with hubby's X, job, etc.  NOW for my husband and his X - wow - there is a trainwreck situation.  He has gone from having 50/50 to visitation only, to being primary (when mommy dearest had kids taken away for physical abuse) and back to visitation, then even more limited visitation.  As stated in previous posts, we are dealing with a very f&*ked up county in Wisconsin - not just our case many others there too.  IF we would have stayed in WI we would see his daughter 24 hours every other weekend.  With mom shoved so far up our business it isn't even funny.  Daughter is terrified of mom, we fought for primary, lost and lost even more visitation.  Again, we have no criminal history, -  okay so we each have 1 speeding ticket within 5 years - each work, no drug use/alcohol abuse, etc.  Nothing other than the fact that the GAL has something going with X and her atty.  I know this sounds like the "poor me" syndrome, but if any outsider reviewed this case they would see it.  The problem is getting an outsider to be able to view it.  This past weekend hubby's X blocked his phone # from hers so he cannot even call his daughter on the phone, she knows my # and will not answer it.  He works 5am to 6pm so I had to call the courts, we were instructed once again, get another atty, GAL would be reassigned,  court costs, etc.  another $6,000+ to get the same results from that court system as in the past.  We were told nothing immediate could be done so he could talk to his daughter, becuz phone calls were never addressed in the CO.  We do not have the money to do it.  Even if we did, we are done wasting $$ on legal crap to lose.  His X sure seems to have it - remember she does not work, supposedly lives on $550/mo in CS, but she runs to her atty for EVERYTHING, she knows how to use the system.  My husband has tried in vane to tell her that her bitterness towards him is only hurting 11 year old daughter - she doesn't see it that way.  His X was the one sleeping with half his male relatives and everyone else in town, she filed for divorce - yet she has bitterness towards him.  I have been on both sides of the CP and NCP fence - I agree that every case should start out 50/50.  What really needs to be done is the parents need to be adults and work together for the sake of the kids - not use them as pawns in their "game".  The courts need to reprimand parents that cannot grow up.  This will never happen, the courts LOVE to have a full docket - even if it is b.s. that brings the parents in.  The court officials, social workers and everyone involved has JOB SECURITY - which is very valuable these days.  The courts do NOT have the best interest of the kids, it has all boiled down to money unfortunately. 

Everyone falls into this trap - look at past posts and recommendations on issues - go back to court get a CO to solve that matter.  Most issues should not even be brought before a judge if - PARENTS WOULD GROWN UP!  This needs to be changed. 

Wow - you wouldn't happen to be fighting this case in Clark County Wisconsin would you?  If not - then your county/state has the same messed up system as Clark County Wisconsin.  Good luck contacting the State Attorney General.  Tried that got laughed at - even though there was proof in black and white.

This mother is being DISGUSTING!  Everyone needs to stop running to their lawyers and relying on the courts to be the adults for them.  My god - why would one parent not want their kids to participate in sports and not recognize the need for their kids to know BOTH parents support them.  This is a totally selfish act on the mother's part because she can't grow up.  The courts should not even be bothered with issues such as this - the parents need to be adults.  Put aside their bitterness over what happened in their marriage and recognize the fact that they have kids that love both parents and want both parents to be involved in their lives.  I can't see any reason the mother needs to act like this - she is being selfish.  Some might say that the father should not attend the events when it is not his weekend, but I totally disagree.  Each parent should be able to watch their kids at sporting, school events.

What I am finding out since coming onto this site is that it seems everything boils down to filing the right papers everytime life's circumstances change - thus tying up the already clogged legal world, costing endless amounts of money when money is already tight, vindictive CP making the NCP spend money on lawyers to fight for their privelage or right (whatever way you interpret it) and taking money away from what families could spend on more productive matters.  Yes my husband and I chose to move out of state, fortunately my ex and I have for the most part left the visitation issues out of the jurisdiction of the courts and were adults about our son.  He is 16 so we take into consideration his changing lifestyle.  We don't run to the court everytime we have issues, we straighten them out between each other.  After all WE are the ones that called it quits, my son didn't call it quits with either of us.  Now on the other hand I see evil in my husband's ex-wife.  Even tho she quit her job months ago and supposedly is only living on CS - $550/mo.  She seems to have an endless supply of money to run to her lawyer to block any and all attempts at my husband taking part in his daughter's life.  She limits phone access to 1 day every 2 weeks, denies my step daughter ANY contact with her dad's family and step-brother.  And all we can do is spend more money on lawyers, filing fees, process servers, and a guardian ad litem that so biased to our case it isn't even funny.  Hubby's Ex may think that she is winning this "battle" but SD is almost 12 and getting very defiant about her mother's power of trying to block her relationship with her father and family members.  Who do you think is going to lose in the long run?  Mommy dearest that is who.  Meantime step daughter suffers terribly.  I keep holding out hope that someone new in the legal system of that county will step in and review this entire mess and say "WHOA" but until that happens we will not spend any more money battling a court system that is completely messed up.  We do our damndest to reinforce our love during the "monitored" phone conversations we are allowed.  I keep telling her that her mother cannot take her love for us away and our love for her.  We do tell her that she needs to talk to her counselor (mom has her going to the county social worker weekly) about what her mother is doing and how unhappy it makes her. 

Thanks for all the info. I will start checking this out.  As for insurance up until now my husband did not have insurance through his employer and now that it is offered we are not sure if we can afford it.  That is another question - the CO states that either parent that is able to get insurance "at a reasonable cost" should provide it with the other party paying 1/2 the cost of the difference between single coverage and family coverage.  My husband's ex has coverage through the state plan - Badger Care (Wisconsin) because she does not work - she quit to go back to school.  The additional cost would be over $200 a month  - meaning she would have to pay us $108.98 a month for her share - PLUS half the deductible & co-pay for the 2 kids (1 his daughter with her and 1 hers from a previous marriage that he adopted 9 months before she filed for divorce).  Even tho the papers say she must pay 1/2 I have seen that county in WI go against the papers - I know that we will be stuck with the entire expense (ins. premium, deductible & co-pay) and this expense is absolutley NOT reasonable for us.  Like I said, she does NOT work, her only income supposedly is CS ($550/mo) - tell me how she makes her trailer payment, lot rent, utilities, cell phone, land line, cable, internet, car insurance, food and shops all the time.   Does anyone know if he must present this proposal to her or he can just say that the cost is not reasonable.  There is nothing in the papers and we refuse to shell out anymore money on attorneys to lose again in this court system.  We figure the cost wouldn't bother her becuase she would just get Badger Care to pick up her portion of the costs knowing that it would put us deeper in the poor house.   I tell you this woman is pure evil.  We spoke to his daughter last night and the ex stands over her shoulder the entire time listening to our conversation, when his daughter asked her mother if my son (her step brother) could call her or she could call him she flat out refused.  She refuses to allow her to come down at Xmas to visit (we are in FL now) and his daughter was bawling - the ex snatched the phone away started yelling that HE got her upset and hung up.  This woman will not let any of my husband's family keep in contact with his daughter.  And everyone knows what the county courts system allows her to do that noone is willing to spend anymore money fighting it.  A non working mom taking in $550 a month as her "only" source of income can afford all of the above AND afford to run to her attorney for every hang nail and no matter who we hire she ALWAYS wins. 

Thanks for the info but we have the problem that we don't know what clinic or physician she brings them to and any time we try to get this information through the courts we are told we have to obtain an attorney, file a petition, pay for the process server, etc.  More money that we refuse to keep shelling out because his ex is vindictive and evil.

We just went through a battle with my step daughter's school.  My husband and I moved out of state and I called his daughter's school to update our information and was informed that the BM told them not to give us any information on my husband's daughter.  There is nothing in the divorce papers regarding this issue and my husband is still her legal father keeping in contact with his daughter (she is 11) as much as the evil BM will allow.  She seems to have court officials in her back pocket or bedroom b'cuz every time we fight for my husband's rights to maintain a relationship with his daughter the BM brings us to court and we lose and lose more and more money.  Oh well - another issue alltogether.  Anyway, I informed the school that it is my husband's legal right to have access to his daughter's school records and if the BM doesn't want that then the burden is placed on her to get a court order that states otherwise.  They complied and supplied us with the log in and passwordDoes anyone have any advice as how to get access to medical records on a child - the BM refuses to share any of this information with us.  I know - get another atty and go back to court - spend more money - blah - blah - blah.  We have exhausted all funds and will not go this route. 

My husband (we have been married 8 months) legally has 2 daughters from his previous marriage.  The 16 year old was his ex wife's daughter from her previous marriage - my husband adopted her and 9 months after the adoption was finalized - his ex filed for divorce.  He also has an 11 year old with this woman.  I have never is my life (42 years) encountered such an evil spiteful woman and the courts seem to rally around her.  Here is a little background history.  My husband used to work on the road - be gone 4-6 weeks and then home for 2-3 weeks.  He made really good money which his ex wife loved spending.  He met Ms. X got together with her when her oldest was 2.  They had a rocky relationship and were ready to break up for good when oops Ms. X "forgot" to take her pill and became pregnant.  Remember - they were not married at this time, he was making good money - she did not work, had a daughter from a previous marriage whom she did not allow the ex to have contact with  - now her money train is getting ready to walk out the door.  What easier way to keep him around than get pregnant.  They got married about a year after his daughter was born.  Then the fun began!  When he was out on the road she started going out.  When the girls got older they started telling dad about mom always being gone, so did the neighbors, relatives, etc.  They lived in a small community (400) where he had grown up.  The beginning of 2004 he adopted her oldest by December 2004 Ms. X filed papers for divorce.  My Husband had caught on to her sleeping around (sometimes with his relatives), gastly spending habits and cut her checking account deposits back to bare necessities - money to pay all the bills and $100 for entertainment per week.  So they got divorced and she stopped letting him see the kids when he was home and would not let them talk to him when he was on the road.  So he decided to walk away from the big money and get a local job to be home by his kids.  This really enraged Ms. X - no more $500 a week child support checks - aw she had to get a job.  Then the physical abuse started - so the county would take the kids away from her and place them with my husband til she went to anger management therapy and was "healed" - usually 3 months at a crack.  This happened 3 times.  My husband would get visitation until she went off the deep end then the girls were place with him full time and then taken away when she was deemed "all better" by the county social workers.  The last time the kids were taken from her was because her drug using convicted felon for a b/f she was living with was accused by the oldest daughter of molesting her.  So back to my husband the kids were placed.  The 16 year old has been on medication for depression, add, adhd, bi-polar, etc. and counseling since she was 4, the 11 year has been in counseling since she was 4 - mommy's request.  The oldest daughter has taken a knife to her mother (I can almost understand why), attacked the 11 year old, etc.  They are not be left alone in the house together.  The oldest also has her mothers penchant for an unsatiable sexual appetite - she has been having sex since 13.  In 2007 when the courts placed the girls back with their mother the 16 year old then accused my husband of sexually molesting her.  The local authorities investigated as did the county social workers and they dropped the case due to the 16 year olds inconsistencies - she also accused another boy of molesting her at the same time.  This is 3 different people she has accused of molesting her and none were charged.  Since this time my husband has cut off all contact with the 16 year old.  Visitation with the 11 year old was set as everyother weeknd Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm and extended in the summer.  So, 2004 he adopts her daughter from marriage #3, Dec. 2004 Ms. X files for divorce Mar. 2006 divorce is final.  In between 2004 and the final divorce dad Ms. X accused him of raping her - same as she did with her previous 3 husbands.  No charges filed against him.  Is everyone starting to see a pattern here?  Daughter like mother? After the divorce was final in Mar. 2006 she takes the kids and moves 50 miles away.  So my husband and I start our lives together in beginning of 2008.  Now with my husband we have to do all the driving.  Leave our house to drive 50 miles to pick up the 11 year old at 6pm on Friday - drive back home and do the same on Sunday evenings.  If we would show up at 5:45, 5:50 she would not let her out of the trailer - most times it was after 6 when she released her.  This got real old real fast so we filed the papers with the court to share transportation.  We won - despite her and her attorney's valiant fight - we saved the money and went unrepresented.  Besides this the daughter begged my husband to have her come live with us - remember she has been removed 3 times from her mom's custody because of physical abuse.  So we shell out the $2000 for the GAL and $2000 for the attorney - $4,000 total.  The GAL starts her work - spoke to my husband for maybe 15 minutes throughout her entire investigation.  Never spoke to me, my son, my husband's family, etc.  The GAL meets with Ms. X, the 16 year old, the 11 year old, Ms. X's family, their social workers, goes to their schools, goes to Ms. X home (trailer in a trailer park) numerous times.  One 15 minute office visit is all my husband is afforded.  In Feb 2009 the ruling comes down in the form of a 21 page report.  The GAL is NOT granting us placement AND is taking visitation time away based on what the 16 year old said, the mother said and we found out the 11 year old was telling blatant lies while at her mother's about us.  So the courts told us unless we shell out an additional $2000 the recommendation stands as the GAL reports.  Visitation is down to 24 hours every other weekend no extended time in the summer.  We spoke to the 11 year old about the lies, she claims mom made her say it to the GAL.  Well, I am a realist - we sat her down and let her know that her lies were part of the reason HER visitation with us is shortened.  We also had to chronicle our entire weekend in a notebook that got passed back and forth.  Ms. X would enter 2 sentences about 2 weeks of time and we had to write down everything that went on in a weekend.  The courts are so biased to Ms. X - my husband has NEVER been in trouble, never accused of any physical abuse, never had counseling for anger management.  The only thing the GAL put in her report was that a social worker in 2004 stated he was damaging the kids by telling them what their mother was up to.  The GAL said we also required the 11 year old to keep secrets and that was so damaging. We didn't tell her to keep secrets - we just said that our personal life (My husband and mine) was none of her mother's business, neither was my son's life with his father any of Ms. X's business (she would continually badger the 11 year old for details on us). 
So - we had an opportunity to move to a southern state where my husband was offered an excellent job.  We weighed the options heavily - stay in WI with a crappy unstable job, low pay and no benefits or go south?  It was not an easy decision becuz of the kids (I have a 16 year old) but figured that my son can fly down whenever he wants and his 11 year old could fly with when Ms. X allowed her to.  After all we would only be able to see his daughter 24 days out of the year.  So we moved.  Ms. X wrote out 2 pages of her instructions for my husband - he should call often, have his family call often, etc. so the 11 year old does not feel alienated from the family.  We have been down her 2 months - he has spoken to his daughter 3 times.  Ms. X will not allow her to answer the phone - will not allow her to call anyone.  Ok - so contact the courts - yup - you guessed it!  If we want to do anything about it - hire another attorney and file some more papers.  We are done throwing money into the Clark County Court system to be crapped upon.  So when he does speak to his daughter he stresses how much he loves her and wants her down by us.  We asked if she could fly down 2 different times with my son and Ms. X flat out said no - we haven't been gone long enough.  We have talked to the courts - they will do nothing for us without us plunking down another $4000.  So, if you have to deal with Clark County Wisconsin family court - GOOD LUCK!  Unless of course you are a non-working, physically abusive mother - then they hand you the world.