What should I do and also is this legal?

[SuperDad52]

My ex-wife is getting married on Nov. 7th which is my weekend.  We do not get along at all and she refuses to co-parent w/me.  I know my son (10) wants to go to the wedding.  Last night I sent my ex a text message and asked if she wanted to switch weekends so our son can go to her wedding, she can have him on my weekend (her wedding) and I'll get him on the following weekend (hers).  She's text back talking backwards and said that she let me have him on her weekend last Nov. 8th when I got married and also on my scheduled weekends.  I reply no that isn't true we scheduled our wedding on our weekend.  Well, at the end of the texting she told me "U can tell your son he can't be in our wedding".  I said "I knew that was coming, Okay". And she finished up with " ". I said nothing after that. The way things have been going is she schedules things on my weekend i.e. her daughter's b-day, sleep overs w/his friends and now her wedding.  I always try to work it out and tell her fine he can go to whatever she has pumped him up for if I can get him on the next weekend (her weekend) and she never agrees to that.  Then I have to tell my son he can't go.  As she say's "you can tell him he can't go, it's on you, it's all on you". She always put me in this situation.
I'm not sure what to do. I'm so mad she won't work w/me and let me see my son if I let him go to her wedding that I'm not sure if I'm going to let him go (which I may not have a choice, she probably won't let me have him anyway).  If she keeps him on my weekend that makes it a month w/o him at my house and I don't like that idea.
What are your thoughts??

Thanks!!!



Also, problem #2.  In my divorce decree it states that I have to pay half of extra curricular activities, that's it no time line or payment form, just pay 1/2 directly to mother.  She signed him up for baseball and I told her to give me a copy of the receipts that she has for sign ups and the gear she bought for him and I would pay half. I found out she signed him up for baseball when I picked him up for my weekend and she sent me a text telling me to have son at field for bb practice at certain time.  I tried to pay her but she refused my money telling me I need to pay with a money order (to me this is weird).  She is trying to make it out that I'm not going to pay her (I assume) to build her case that I'm not a worthy father and she can move to N.Y with this guy she is marring and who currently lives there. So I felt I had to document me paying her because she will not take my money and will not sign the receipt I made for her to sign.
I took video of my trying to pay her.  I put it on youtube for my sister to see.





Question #2
Is it legal for me to put this video up like this?  youtube.com/watch?v=nR25acEkXsc

Thanks!!

[ocean]

I didnt even look but take it off utube.

Text her and say if we are switching weekends, then I need to know if I have to pick him up tomorrow (always ask for the make-up BEFORE so this will make her give it to you). Then say, it is up to you? (LOL) Then offer to take the next weekend after the wedding...

In this instance I would not file contempt since it is her wedding but request make-up time. If she doesnt answer your text or refuse, send her a certified letter stating that you are requesting make-up time according to the court order for the weekend of XXX and to get back to you with the dates you can pick him up. Put in a date for her to get back to you. This will be your proof you tried to work with her. You can even put in that if she counts back to your wedding that it was on your weekend (to eliminate that reason...).

[tigger]

I'd offer to bring him to the wedding and stick around for the reception so as not to inconvenience her. 

I hate so called parents that play stupid games and put the kids in the middle. 

[gemini3]

IMHO, I would suck it up and let your son go to the wedding.  He will love you for it and remember that you put him first.  Weddings are a big deal, and I'm sure it's important to him that he's there.  Who cares what your ex thinks, or does.  Do the right thing for you kid.

With the other situations (sleep over's, her daughters b-day, etc.).  We have had the same issues.  My husband's kids know their schedule, and my husband told them that if they want to do a sleep over, go to a b-day party, etc during his weekends they need to discuss it with him (since he's the parent in charge at that time) or they don't go.  If their mom schedules something during my husband's parenting time (family visit, for example) and they're upset that they can't be there - my husband simply tells them "Honey, your mom knows when you're with her and when you're with me.  She should schedule it during her time."  This is not to say that he won't work with her if she's willing to trade weekends, but he doesn't let her put the blame on him if she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

I watched the video.  She's being a pain, but don't let it get to you.  I wouldn't pay any bills without a copy of the receipt, number one.  Send her an e-mail requesting a copy of the receipts, then mail her a check referencing the receipt number and name of the company in the memo field.  Just like any other bill.  If you think she'll pretend she didn't get it send it to her certified mail with return receipt.  If she won't sign for it that's on her.

I think you might be at risk for some legal trouble with the video, since you don't have her permission.  I would resist the temptation to do stuff like that.  You can keep it for yourself if you feel the need, but I wouldn't post it online.  Especially since she asks you not to record her in the video.

[MixedBag]

combine all three and you have your answer.

Asking for a money order isn't weird....really....actually it protects yourself and her because now you have a piece of paper behind the fact that you reimbursed her an expense that you were obligated to.

Think paper trail......and even a paper trail behind the paper money.

[SuperDad52]

I understand that a paper trail is in my best interest!  However, she is a huge control freak.  Our divorce decree doesn't indicate that I have to pay her with a money order as she is telling me and everyone else.  She controls everything and I have no say so on anything my son does.  I printed out a receipt for her to sign and tried to pay my half.  If she doesn't want to accept the money then I'm not going to jump through even more hoops to make her happy.  What a shame it has to be this way!!  There are many mothers that would have jumped on the opportunity to get reimbursed no matter what the payment form.  We will end up in court soon enough and I hope the video proves I tried to pay and she didn't accept and hope the judge tells her sorry about your luck you should have taken the money.


On a good note though.  I went from seeing my boy every other weekend (because that is all she will allow) to seeing him on every Monday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes on Tuesday thanks to the baseball and he and I are really bonding due to this sport.  I am able to be there and help coach the team.
Also, he has soccer every Saturday (which I am the assistant coach on that team as well due to befriending the head coach and he needed help) so I am able to get a lot of visitation and am LOVING IT!!!
I just hope she don't take him out of the sports after the season is over due to my involvement!!

BTW, I'm sure I'll let him go to the wedding because I'm good like that.  But what a shame she won't let me have him on her weekend for a little make up visitation.

Thanks for your input

[MixedBag]

Dad -- pick and choose your battles....

glad to read most of your post...

but not the money part.

Yep -- there are many parents who would jump for joy if they got reimbursed.

Yep -- there are many parents who feel like they have no say in their child's life after divorce you are not the only one.

Yep -- there are many parents who try to control the other parent even after divorce.

Pick and choose.....I'd actually send her a check, not a money order.

If she doesn't cash it (because she wants a money order/control part), then the money is yours down the road to keep once the check is null and void.

If she doesn't cash the money order -- you gotta pay fees to get your money back.

I can see where she might have been put off if you asked her to sign something -- see I'd be careful about that too -- and leary -- so please just try to understand that on this one subject, there might be a better or a different way to get the result you're looking for.

Once you understand all the games an EX like that plays, it's much better to deal with it overall and blow off what is not important and deal with what is.

[Kitty C.]

If you do end up back in court, ask for reciprocating weekends.  DH actually has this in his CO, that if one parent can't have the child on their weekend (or vice versa), then weekends are excahnged and this covers anything.  When we got married, we got luck that it fell on DH's weekend.....but the BM got married exactly 2 weeks after we did and that DID fall on DH's weekend.  Thank God enough weekends had been exchanged prior to that, that it wasn't a big deal.   

Now, with SS in football and working, we haven't seen him much...but he's starting in the JV game tonight!    After that, it's Parent's Night and they will introduce all the parents prior to the varsity game.  Another one of those weird situations, but SS is insistant that we be there.  I don't know how BM feels about it, but we're all introduced together!

Sorry...gotta brag!   

[gemini3]

I see it this way - you're giving her the opportunity to engage you when you approach her with cash and a receipt that she needs to sign.  This is something you can control by sending her a check certified mail.  That's not jumping through hoops to make her happy - that's covering you ass while minimizing opportunities for conflcit.

Try to focus on minimizing conflict versus making the other person look like an a$$.

A judge will most likely chastise both of you for playing games like that in full view of your son.  You sticking a video camera in your ex's face at your kid's baseball game isn't going to be appreciated by a judge.  Trust me on that.

There are people on this board who can't even go to their kids ball games, so don't take for granted what you have.  Like MixedBag said - pick your battles.

[pcdad]

In regards to the wedding situation.  If this is a full blown circus wedding (i.e. Friday night rehearsal, Saturday all day event, ceremony, reception, Sunday gift opening) she will probably be too busy to spend much quality time with your son.  Is he part of the wedding?  You could offer to drop him off at the event and pick him up at a reasonable time in the evening.  That way he gets to attend the wedding, you get your weekend time and depending on the details of the wedding - he won't be shuffled off to other friends or relatives because mom is too busy concentrating on her big day/weekend.  Just a suggestion.