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While at the Capital a few years back this subject came up in testimony. It is State Statue that there is no time limit. The bill they were looking at pass(which never went anywhere) would set a limit of 3 years. It is correct that you should follow the court order is it differs though. But Judges vary wildly on how they rule.

I finally got her affidavte and it is full of lies.

She says "he doesn't want to go to his fathers home. I have to put him in the car crying and yelling."He returns from the visits with me very angry and wets the bed for several nights after his return. He has dreams someone is going to break into our home and shoot everybody. He has to sleep with me because I say I am lonely.
Her mom submited another that says he is afraid to be with me. He is terrifed of having to go visit his father and becomes angey when the visits are discussed. Upon returning he stomps around, slams doors, is very rude to all family members ans has alot of trouble sleeping. it goes on and on.

I am beside myself with all this stuff. I can't believe it! PBFH said I and my son were mad last time I dropped him off. The last time I dropped him off I explained I had taken him to the dentist and he had the start of gingivits and 2 cavities that needed filling. I told her he needs to brush his teeth every day and night.
He has never wet the bed with me, never slams doors.  I have a girlfriend fo 5 years that I've been with and spend 95% of my time with him and I there. We sleep together and he sleeps with the other kids. The only time he sleeps with me is at my familys house(lack of enough beds) and a few times at my house.

She also said she took him to the doctor and he refused to take his pants off so that the doctor could examine him. He didn't want the doctor to touch him or look at him.

What the He--- is that all about? What kind of sick person would put their son through all this!!??

She also says I have a violent temper and she was in a womans shelter twice while she lived with me because of my abuse of her.
All B.S. She never called or made police reports against me. I never hit her, yelled at her etc etc.

I bought him a BB gun this Chrismas and he loved shoting it, what 9 YLD boy doesn't? Judge order a evelauation done...can't remember what one it's called. I'm afraid that she has warpped him mind so he will say anything she wants him to while he is in her care.

How do you fight all these lies??
The "therepy she started on the 19th is with  Jennifer Burrows, L.L.S.W. at Dean & Associates. I would imagine that is in Soiux City Iowa. and she will do the evlauation the judge order.

His Grandma had adopted two of PBFH brothers of  kids. Both of their parents had their rights taken away. It came up in court that they "may have been sexualy abused"...by who I don't know. But they know the system and are working it to a T now. I'm afriad that this Jennifer has helped them before and will be on their side.

I can't afford a lawyer right now to fight all this. I can't believe the system is this bad....it's a living nightmare for me.

She did file the Expate order in MN at the Todd county courthouse. It was reported to CPS in Iowa. Just so you understand.
I did get a report back from the county I live in that they aren't persuning it any longer...they dropped the case of "sexual abuse" by me.
I drew up and filed several motions in court the other day and the judge has taken them. 1. I filed an motion to quash her Exparte order (which the judge did not grant because she made a ruling of "primafica evidence" :spelling?: in her afidavite) 2. sactions against her and her attorney 3. a custody reversal in my favor

I cited several state stutues that protect against false abuse claims and from claims to infunace a custody hearing. Those the judge did take and made statements about. I also filed a affidavite in support with police reports and a transcrip of coversations with the ex.

We are having another hearing this Friday by telephone for my missed visit. The judge ordered a evaluation on our son and she is waiting for that to make a ruling on allowing me to see him. I did bring up the fact that she was not answering the phone and made me drive 4 hours for nothing. The judge to her that making me drive 4 hours when she wasn't there was "inexcussable" and by not letting me talk to him by phone she was "risking her custody". She also said that the evauator was to be made aware the there is statements made that the child may be being coached.
The judge further said that if there is nothing very bad in the evalution that I will get my make up time "at least". The judge warned the ex again that PBFH made statements that she wasn't going to interfer with my visitation and she was warned that the judge would switch custody...then the judge said "and I will" if she finds out that PBFH has interfered.
The only thing now is she is claiming I made (spelling) "lasivous acts" with out sexual intent. e are going to a full evidentuary hearing next month.
Fun fun fun...
All this because my son sometimes sleeps with me. NOT NO MORE!!! I have NEVER touched him in any way. I will hug him and kiss him goodnight. I guess that is immoral now.
I will lay all my cards out on the table and say me piece...which will be long and see what happens.

I got a call Wed. morning by an attorney hired by the ex. They had filed an Exarte Motion with the court apperanty, then her attorney transfered me into the court room on the phone.
I have not been served ANY papers yet. Yet the judge read some of the ex wants. The main one is to cut of visitation for me! I told the judge that I haven't recieved any papers and her attonery's reason for not serving me is that she didn't have my address. What a bunch of BS. I have an unlisted phone number yet she knew my phone number! Ex has been to my place many times and we even had the GAL here last year.
Ex is playing real hardball on this.
CPS in Iowa told her they couldn't interfer with my court ordered visitation any longer so ex's answer is a Exparte motion against me with out proper service! I am suppose to have visitation this weekend so that is why she is doing this.
I'm suppose to get a call this morning for another 3 way with the judge and ex's attorney. I filed papers yesterday to stop the motion. Wrote them myself...we'll see if it is good enough. It's damn hard to get your attorney to draw up papers on a less than 2 day timeline when he is busy with other cases also.
I also called the school and talked to the Priciple and she couldn't believe what is going on yet. I asked to talk to my son and she got him but he then told her after he found out it was me that he "could't talk to me because I'm under investigation." and then walked away.
I can't believe one person can have so much control over a child!
Damn, we do everything to togeather. I am so hurt and confussed by all this crap the ex pulls all the time.  My son is getting so brainwashed by her and her mom now, it's unbelievable.

It just keeps getting worse and worse...

           I give you the order that alowed the a move to Iowa by my x last year. She has called the cops on me twice so far for minor disputs with transportation. Once was the end of my summer vistation I she called me the first weekend on Sat and wanted him returned. I said I had until Sunday night. (minor I know).

Now to the big one. Last weekend I went down to get my son. She never showed up. I was concerned and went to the police station to file a report and have them check for accidents. The officer let me use his cell phone to call her, she never answered. I waited until 1:15 and drove home. I called again...no answer, left message to call me back. I tried again on Sunday night at 9PM now answer...no call back.

Monday I called the X at 7:30 to try and see if she was home....no answer. I then called the school to see if my son was in school. He ended up coming late, the excuse, they overslept.

I'm now worried, I call my x at work and she won't say anything to me. I tell her I had been calling and she didn't pick up or return my calls and she said she nows that. I ask whats up and she says "I can't talk right now" I ask her if she'll be at the exchange piont this weekend and she says "no".

Come to find out she had my son in to be video taped and reported to CPS that I touched his butt. I spent many hours on the phone to find this out. I had to call the school, which wouldn't let me talk to him because of this "investagation" they did piont me in the right direction of calling CPS because I had no idea of anything going on.

Iowa police trasfered the case up to my hometown and I talked to an officer and gave my statement. Basicly the story goes that I touched his butt while we were in bed sleeping, my son said this. He didn't know the date when asked, he didn't know how many times this happed when asked. The officer knows this is a custody disput thing, he said he has seen many of them. They are still waiting for the video tape from Iowa.

Needless to say I am very hurt by these accusations and feel so sad for my son that is being draw into all this crap, just because my x doesn't want me to have visitation.

I talked with the Iowa CPS today and they said if the officer up here doesn't think nothing is going on the they will drop the order to not allow me contact with my son. The officer up here is going to call CPS toady to say just that. He can pretty much see through the whole thing, but needs to wait for the video, then it goes to county attorny. Which the officer said he can't see how I could be charged with anything.

I have many doctors reports dating back to birth about here bring my son in and blaming me for this or for that. One doctor wrote on the bottom "It seems they are trying to make a mounten out of a molehill"

I have no idea of what started all this, I did bring my son to the dentist the last visit and they said he had the start of gingivitus and they filled 2 cavities that were nearly absist. He hadn't been to a dentist in over 3 years.

My son is 9.

Now the question.

1: Do I go back to court for full custody on this?

2: How much weight do judges put on these false accustations with regards to a custody change?

3: X has tried this before about 5 years ago and it was thrown out. Does that help establish a pattern?

4: With just this small bit of info what do you think my chances are of a custody reversal are now?

Below is the order from the judge...she seemed like she didn't want to allow the move but had to under MN law. She made several comments about how we need to work together and she would like to see parents live in the same town or within 50 mile of each other.


STATE OF MINNESOTA IN DISTRICT COURt
COUNTY OF TODD SEVENTH JUDICIAL DISTRICT

Court File No.
Case Type: Dissolution with Children
In re the Marriage of:

the X
CONDITIONAL ORDER PERMITTING
Petitioner, PETITIONER TO MOVE TO IOWA
WITH MINOR CHILD
and


Me (hatewelfare),

Respondent.



The above-entitled matter came for argument before the Honorable Sally I-------- R---------, Judge of District Court, on January 17, 2003, for an evidentiary hearing on Petitioner's request for an Order allowing her to move to the State of Iowa with the parties' minor child, over Respondent's objection. Petitioner appeared personally, pro Se. Respondent appeared personally with counsel (My slow attorny). Also appearing was the court-appointed Guardian Ad Litem, K---- P-----. The Court gave Petitioner permission to move to Iowa with the child, subject to conditions set at the hearing and subject to further review hearing on the issue of parenting time, if the parties could not agree.

On the 12th day of March 2003, both parties appeared personally pro Se, for further hearing as to parenting time. Also appearing was the court-appointed Guardian Ad Litem, K---- Pi--------i, who had filed with the Court her recommendations as to the child's best interests.

Based upon the arguments of counsel, the files, records, and
proceedings herein, the Court makes the following:

ORDER

1. Permission to move to Iowa. Petitioner's request to move with minor child to Iowa is GRANTED. Petitioner's request is conditioned upon (1) Petitioner's full cooperation and compliance with Respondent's parenting time as set forth below,
(2) Petitioner's sharing one-half of the visitation transportation
obligation, and (3) upon the Court's express retention of jurisdiction as the child's "home state" for the purpose of custody jurisdiction.

2. Respondent's Parenting Time. Unless the parties otherwise in the best interests of the child, Respondent have parenting time with the minor child:

a. Every other weekend, beginning at 11:15 a.rn. Saturday until 4:00 p.m. Sunday, with the exchange taking place at Windom, MN. Because of the travel time and the need to exchange at a mid-point, each party shall be prompt in meeting at the exchange point and shall advise the other immediately of any weather conditions which may make travel inadvisable.

b. Summer vacation as follows: from the third week in June through the end of the first week of August, at which time Respondent shall return minor child to Petitioner. Petitioner shall have one weekend of parenting time in June and one weekend of parenting time in July. The parties will mutually decide upon the particular dates for Petitioner's parenting time; if they cannot agree, it will be the last weekend in June and the third weekend in July.

c. Alternating holidays as follows: Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas (Respondent to have parenting time for one-half Christmas vacation every year), and the minor child's birthday.

d. Petitioner shall have the minor child for the weekend of Mother's Day; however, if this causes Respondent to miss a regular weekend visit, the missed visit will be made up within two weeks, unless the parties agree otherwise.

e. Respondent shall have the minor child for the weekend of Father's Day as part of his summer parenting time.

3. Other and Additional Times As Agreed to by Parties. The parties are free to agree to additional parenting time as needed for special family occasions and events. Both parties shall cooperate with each other and be flexible in dealing with unforeseen scheduling issues and any other matters that may arise, affecting the parenting time agreement. Both parties shall take all appropriate steps to avoid conflicts with the schedule, but shall accommodate whenever possible requests for changes so the minor child can attend important family and social events with both parents or with his friends and school.

4. Shared Oblicjation for Transportion. Petitioner and Respondent shall share equally the costs and time associated with the transportation required for Respondent to exercise his parenting time.

5. No Interference. The parties are hereby advised that this Court will view any persistent failure to cooperate, unreasonable denial of parenting time, failure to provide prompt transportation, unreasonable failure to be prompt for exchanges, or any other obstacles or patterns of resistance to parenting time, as intentional interference of parenting time. In accordance with Minnesota law, such conduct could result in a change of custody of the minor child and/or revocation of this Conditional Order permitting Petitioner to move to Iowa with the minor child.

6. Duty of Good Faith. The parties shall use the utmost good faith in dealing with each other as to issues of visitation and other matters involving the couple's minor child. Neither party shall vilify or speak badly about the other parent in the presence or earshot of the child, and neither shall allow the child to be in the presence or earshot of any other person who vilifies and speaks poorly of the other parent. Each parent shall assist the child in making adjustments to the move, and other major changes in the home or living arrangements of the parent.

7. Suspension of Child Support in July. Provided that Respondent remains fully current in the payment of child support throughout the year as previously ordered (on October 26, 2002, as corrected in part on January 4, 2002), his child support obligation shall be suspended and not payable in the month of July every year, to allow for the additional expenses he will have for childcare during his summer parenting time, and also for the additional expenses of transportation occasioned by Petitioner's move to Iowa. This suspension of child support for one month each year is in the child's best interests as it will foster the parent and child relationship with the parent who does not have physical custody during the school year and needs funds to exercise parenting time. Court Administration shall serve a copy of this Order on Todd County Social Services, who shall not withhold child support in the month of July each year, provided that Respondent is current in his payment of support.

8. Retention of Jurisdiction. This Court shall retain jurisdiction of this matter as Minnesota is deemed the child's "home state" for purposes of child custody jurisdiction regardless of the child's move to the State of Iowa, until further Order of this Court. The Petitioner has made various representations to the Court as her lack of intent to deprive the child's father of parenting time and her ability and intent to assist with transportation needed to continue to foster the parent and child relationship between the child and his father. Petitioner's mother made this same representation to the Court in sworn testimony. This Court would not have found the move to be in the child's best interest were there not continuing jurisdiction to assure full compliance and cooperation with Respondent's parenting time.

9. Guardian ad Litem. The Respondent shall pay one-half of the total costs of the Guardian ad Litem on a schedule to be arranged with Todd County Court Administrator --------; the Petitioner, having proceeded In Forma Pauperis, has no present ability to contribute to said costs. The Guardian is hereby discharged from further duties in this case, with the thanks of the Court and the parties for her services in this matter.

10. Service of this Order. A copy of this Order shall be served upon the parties, the Guardian ad Litem, and Todd County Social Services Support Collection Officer (referencing suspension of support in July as per paragraph 7 above).


Dated this 3rd day of April, 2003.

BY THE COURT:



SALLY I----- R------
Judge of District Court
DISTRICT

 

Or should I saw lack of child support...I know this is a touchy subject with some, but dang it...I wish I would receive some now.

In short, I got custody of my son from his mother after 10 long years of struggling to remain part of my son's life. I endured restraining orders, police calls, long move always and finally accusations of sexual abuse against my son. That was the last straw...after she moved to Iowa and I lost the court fight judge warned her not to screw with my visitation or it would be grounds for a custody switch.
One year later the accusations came and I went a month and a half without seeing my son. After jumping through the hoops to clear my name and get visitation back I went to court for custody. 9 months later of court crap the judge made good on her threat and I won custody.

That about 2 years ago, my son is doing excellent in school now, missed 3 days last year, none this year and been tardy twice. Lowest grade is a C with 3 A's and rest B's.  Down from with her missing 7-12 days a year and tardy 14+ times a year!!!

My home is very busy, girlfriend has 4 kids herself plus one that we just "got out of the house" and is having a baby herself. I work nights, girlfriend works days...bills are piling up, food is going up, heat is going up, gas for the 800 plus miles I drive to let him see his mother is going up!

I am starting to get pissed now that I haven't got anything of support from that (I'll use it this time) DEADBEAT MOTHER.

I always paid on time and NEVER missed and was NEVER without a job while she had him. Now I am getting nothing while on the "other side." That brings me to mixed emotions. I now how hard it is to struggle while paying CS...I did that for 10 years, I went to the capital in MN and testified in front of the Senators in MN for fairer CS laws. Fairer enforcement. (I felt CS was too high and enforcent to strict for most) Now I feel like I am getting screwed.

I don't know, but it would be nice to get some help from her. I don't want her to have to struggle like I did...I don't hate her like that. But come on now I think. It's been 2 years and now help. She's only $4000 behind...not some $20,000 like other I her about in the news. But a couple hundred a month would help right about now.

I would think some women would make house payments on CS, buy cars, clothes etc etc....Well some do...my ex lost her 2005 Mazda 6 when CS stopped from me...

I had a 90 Beretta with 250,000 miles on it...guess what. 2 months after I got custody I got nailed in the side and they totaled the car, I got $1200 for it. Out a vehicle that ran great, was paid off and I am back to making payments. Oh yeh, no 2005 for me...I got a cheap '99 grand pix...which is now racking up tons of miles driving back and forth for visitation. I spend almost about what I "saved" by not having to pay CS in gas now.

I've called CS and they keep giving the run around...Iowa is suppose to handle it...call Iowa and they haven't entered it in the system yet. Call MN and they sent everything down...Iowa is suppose to handle it don't call Iowa call MN they say.

I am beginning to think there is enforcement difference between sexes. MN just did a study and found differences in enforcement by county and wondered why that is. DUH...everybody knows it difference with the judges...just like with visitation cases, custody cases...its the judge's not the counties.

What can a person do to get some action if you're a guy that is owed CS? I know that sounds sexist or bad but that is what I am feeling now. I wasn't mad before but after 2 years my patience is running thinner now.

Any ideas? Any thoughts? Am I thinking right? or am I just thinking vindictively now?

Break down of child support...

Needed materal items:
Cigs, Cell phones, pagers, beer, drugs

Store shopping trips:
Herbergers, JCPenney, GAP

Bills:
Car payment, credit card bills, lawyer bills(for asking for more CS), house payment

Services:
Nails & hair cuts, tanning, nanny, baby sitter, liposuction

Food:
McDonalds

I would like to know what makes you believe you might loose?

I have been to court with this woman many times. Some with an attorney and some without. It seems I always end up on the losing end. She is very good at crying in front of the judge and making a big sob seen. It seems to work for her and she plays it to the T.
I thought I had a very good case to fight her move out of state last year, but the laws are stacked against a guy trying to prove otherwise.

I guess I have just been beaten down time and time again by this woman, I have nearly given up at times. I know for a fact I didn't do anything, but it hurts me that she even thinks that, and can be so mean to me and my son by doing all this.
When my son was growning up I lived in fear that he might brake a arm or leg or something while playing in my care. I have been reluctant to spank him when he needed it, instead have used "time-outs" and making him stand in the corner. Not that I think a child needs spanked ever time they get into trouble, but at times it can get their attentition. I AWAYS talk to him after any punishment and explain what he did and what I expect of him.
It's just a fear of being drug back into court for eveything I do with him. I'm just like any other father...I can make mistakes...but unlike most fathers I have a ex that jumps at any little thing to try and stop me from having visitation...it gets old after 9 years.

On the plus side I just found out I am "cleared" of any 'wrong doing' by Iowa CPS, I will have the letter in have in a few days. THat is a big relief, it has been a long month not seeing my son...I am looking forward to see him this weekend if she dosen't try and pull something else. I am also looking forward to say my side in court. I have waited  9 years for this day to come that I have a chance at costudy...I plan on fight this one ver hard.

 I know my son loves me and his mom...just like every costudy battle the child ends up losing no matter what the out come...they are with out one parent, and that is the sad part. I've been told to wait until he makes the choice, but when he is with me he is happy and at ease, he has told me things that he dosen't like about his home, school and step-brothers. I'm sure he tells mom the same about me. It's just I try and talk to him about it and give him advice on how to handle problems, while his mom want to protect him from the world and make everything a dreamland for him.

I have always thought just because you keep you child alive and feed dosen't make you the better parent, it is a combination of many things that make a good parent. But with the courts, they only look at changing costudy after the damage is done. I believe the damage is aleady happening with my son and it hurts me, as a father, to not be able to help because of the system we have.

I am having big problems with my PBFH. Background...Last year she wanted to move to Iowa with her mother and step-father. I fought the move but lost in court. She has in the past deined me visitation while living with her mother. My son is 9 and I have always had to travel to see him, I have always made the trip and he gets along with me very well and we do many things togeather.
This month PBFH nevershowed up at the meeting piont, I tried to call her but she never answered the phone. It turns out she has reported me to CPS in Iowa for "touching my son in the butt".

I had to give statements to the police in my hometown and they dropped the "charges" that would hav been made, had something actually happened.  The CPS worker in Iowa then call the ex and said he can't interfer with my court ordered visitation anymore and told her to "set up a line of communication with me and start visitation" Her answer was to file a Exprate Ordered full of lies asking the court that my visitation be stopped.
The matter is now coming before the court. We have had several telephone hearing and at the last one the judge ordered a theripist, that my Ex had been bringing my son to, to subit her "curriculm vitae" to the court.  
I told the court I feel he was being couched and the judge made the theripist aware with this staatement "Mr. 'Hatewelfare' is claiming the 'son' has been influenced by his mother and that is why he is making these allegations of inappropriate act(s) by his father."

She is claiming in her affidavite that he crys and yells when she puts him in the car for visitation. That he wets the bed for several nights after he comes home from me. That he has nightmares of someone coming into their home and shooting everbody. Her mom subitted a affidaveit that state he is rude to family members, slams doors and stomps around after visitation. it goes on and on.
She had also brought him to a doctor to examine him and state that he 'wouldn't take off his pants to let the doctor examine him. He didn't want the doctor to touch him or even look at him"

He has never wet the bed at my house, never slams doors and everbody says he is very well behaved. We do everything to geather, sledding bike riding, playing this last Chritmas I bought him a BB gun and he loved it. He has told family and freinds he like to see me. etc. etc.
She also claims I have a very violent temper...not true at all!

I a very uncomfetable with the "curriculm vitae" the judge has ordered. I don't know what it means and whats involved. I also have a fear that the threipist will ask "loaded" questions and and such.

The theripest is out of my state, I have never talked to her.

1 What does a "curriculum vitae" mean?
2 whats involved in it?
3 How easy is it for a theripist to tell a child is being coached?
4 Why would my son supposadly wet the bed there but never at my home?
5 What does L.L.S.W. stand for? (at the end of the theripist's name)
6 Should I ask the judge to go ahead and have anytests do on me if she wants to to disprove her claim of me having a violent temper?

Any advise on how to 'counter' any of the theripists claims if she doesn't recomend visitation for me? Do I get my own to examine my son then?

I plan on fighting this and have witnesses in court as to my behavor and my sons while we are togeather.

I now found out the guy she is marrying. It throws a wrench into everything now...Back a few years she dated and moved in with a guy for a few years(when she had custody).

She then was going to suddenly move out of state, I then filed a motion restraining order to stop the move and get a court date. She in response moved into a woman's shelter and played the game that her boyfriend was the problem she moved out and they couldn't get along. (in court she described a incident that he spanked my son for something minor)

Well I lost that case and she moved to Iowa because she couldn't stay in the woman's shelter and couldn't move back with her boyfriend so she had to move to Iowa with her parents.

Following so far?....A year later she pulls the fast one and accuses me and eventually I win and get custody after 6 months of court.

Now for the kicker...she is moving in and marrying the same guy!? She told me she made a mistake then and if she knew what she did now then she would have stayed and gotten married along time ago.

Whether or not this guy was "abusive" or not never was really dug into while in court. I got him on the stand but there really wasn't much testimony as he became a 'non-issue' as he was out of the picture and the main reason was stopping the move to Iowa.

She has expressed that she is getting married down there an wants our son to be in the wedding.

Whether or not this guy is abusive or not I'm not sure...I think my ex just has a big time mental problem. lol

The GAL thought this too and ordered us to take that long mental test (forget the name but its big bucks!) She refused and I took it and passed.

Now I know it sounds silly, but I firmly believe that my son needs to see both parents. That's why I fought for custody in the first place. I would like to not have any fears about this an stay out of court...but she is asking allot of me.

What if things go bad down there? What if she 'over reacts' again? This woman is like a snake...I knew something was coming this summer.

I told her if she gets the judges blessing she will have mine...but until then I am having problems with this.

I'm afraid if we go to court now that I could really slam her hard by getting back together with this guy and wanting our son there across the country with them, with so many unknowns and past history that the judge may order no contact with her. Which would make my son bitter towards me.

I don't think she is really 'bad' for him...but she isn't really good mental wise for him either. She is damn good at making my life hard and I always feel like my son 'reports' back to her.

The move would be a good think as far as taking her control away...which is why I wonder why she has 'given up' or if this is just part of a bigger plan of hers???

Sometimes I think I may go nuts.

Should I allow the summer visitation?

Should I hang tough and insist the judge make a ruling on the visitation?

On a move away like this is it common that the parent with custody still split the cost of visitation (plane tickets)?

How would the Judge look at me just signing a mod. for visitation only to find out it was with this same guy?