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Messages - Rave

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Did your judge not us a child support calculator to figure out how much you need to pay?  It had to be based on your income, yes?  So has there been a significant change in your income to warrant a change? 

If you weren't awarded 50/50, why do you think you'd be eligible now?  Has there been a change in circumstances to warrant such a change? 

Custody Issues / RE: Need advice in Phoenix
« on: Jan 28, 2005, 07:06:19 AM »
A shame that you have so much baggage.  Was hoping for some impartialiality.  

Custody Issues / RE: Depending on the extent, I think...
« on: Jan 27, 2005, 10:36:01 AM »
I bet a lot varied depending on the custodial evaluator and how impartial they are.   I mean, if I were a custodial evaluator in your situatuion, I can't imagine putting your daughter with him 50% of the time.  How horrible.  But how would you be able to prove that he says that stuff?  If you could prove it, perhaps he would be ordered to attend some parenting classes before given as much visitation.

I just can't believe people call their kids names like this.  I know many people do worse, like knock the hell out of their kids.  But I've also read about how emotional abuse can actually be worse than the physical abuse.  If my friend's husband gets 50% custody, I guarantee the older son who is now 12 or 13, will be rebelling against his father big time in a few more years.  He already avoids his father.  Hell, who wouldn't?  

So, while custody may wind up being 50/50 in my friend's case, I don't think it would stay that way for long.  

Good luck to you.  How horrible that your child has to hear your husband be so cruel.  Can't imagine that you'd ever feel comfortable with him having visitation with your daughter.  

Custody Issues / RE: Need advice in Phoenix
« on: Jan 27, 2005, 09:42:19 AM »
I think that's a good idea, getting a custody eval.  I don't think he'd ever get 50/50 that way, particularly when the kids say that he often calls them stupid assholes.  I mean, who does that?  Talk about shattering a kid's self-esteem.  Particularly when they already know they are different.  

Custody Issues / She's not looking for sole custody
« on: Jan 27, 2005, 09:36:20 AM »
She just doesn't want 50/50.  She is thinking one night during the week and every other weekend.  Or maybe a few nights during the week and e/o weekend.  She doesn't want 50/50 where the kids are literally spending 50% of their time at her place and 50% at his place.  I don't see how that would do them any good at all.  Just wondering if that is the norm these days.  

He told her that since he gets off at 2pm and she doesn't get off until 5pm, that he would pick up the kids after school, feed them dinner every night and then bring them to her place.  He feels that this would negate him paying any CS.  

Custody Issues / RE: Need advice in Phoenix
« on: Jan 27, 2005, 09:32:15 AM »
She has no malicious intent whatsoever.  She makes a living out of helping people die peacefully.  She should never have married her husband to begin with.  She did it because her mother was terminally ill, he had been a friend for a long time, and her two best friends (me being one of them) were moving away.  If she hadn't married him,  he'd be a royal pothead.  I don't think he ever wanted to be married, but he had a huge crush on my friend for years.  

She would never want to cut him off from the kids.  She never speaks ill of him to the kids.  They do complain to her about him though.  The guy is royally selfish.  His number one priority is that the house be spotless (he wants her to keep it that way).  His number two priority is that the house be quiet.  The boys are stifled in their own house when she's not there.  The guy has been spending his bonus checks for 12 years on guns.  He got a DUI a few years ago.  He is only responsible because he is married to my friend.  And while I think he originally thought she would help him be more responsible, I think it's an irritation for him now.

Truthfully speaking, he'd be a better father if he had less quantity time with the boys.  If he was allowed to have more time to surf porn, shoot his guns, make knives and add to his gun collection, he'd probably appreciate the boys more during the time he did have with them.  Neither of them is moving away.  They will live close to each other.  But given the boys special needs, her involvement, and his disinterest, I just can't imagine that 50/50 would be in the best interests of the kids.  I think he probably doesn't even want that except if it means he doesn't have to pay CS.

Custody Issues / RE: Need advice in Phoenix
« on: Jan 27, 2005, 05:37:09 AM »
My husband is a non-custodial parent to 3 girls.  His ex-wife moved to another country as soon as his third child was born and used the lack of international child custody enforcement to bribe him for thousands and thousands of dollars, and to deny him not only visitation but often even phone communication for up to 6 months at a time.  The ONLY time we saw my skids was when we paid to fly the BM here with them, paid for her hotel, paid her full child support while she was here, and then paid to ship back all the crap she bought with the child support money she got while was was here.  And usually, by the time she left, she was demanding more money, or "you neva see da gurls again!!!!".  So, I'm quite sympathetic to the plights of non-custodial parents.  Was hoping for some impartial advice regardless.

I used to be on DNet starting 9 years ago and have been a member of this community for quite a while as well, just not on this board.

I am well aware of the challenges stepparents face and have been married 11 years to one of the most extreme non-custodial cases here.  

As for the SPARC mission statement, I've read it many times.

As for my post, I put it under "Custody Issues" because what I posted IS a custody issue.  However, I didn't see noted the status of the population here so no, I wasn't aware of the high non-custodial percentage.  It really shouldn't matter though, for what I was posting about.

I stated the facts, and want to know if and how they will effect child custody.  I want to know from people who KNOW AZ law, if 50/50 custody split is the norm.  No, that wouldn't be what these ADHD kids want.  They require lots and lots of patience and they certainly don't get it from their father (who calls them degrading names when they get on his nerves).  I simply want to know if that is something the judge will take into consideration or if nothing usually deviates the judge from making the 50/50 custody split.

And finally, when you say "we" as though you are speaking for SPARC as a whole, are you an employee?  Are you speaking for Waylon?  Are you saying that SPARC advocates for parents to be given equal time with their children, when one of the parents is definitely not interested in being a parent, is emotionally abusive to the child, the child's self-esteem is zero because of it and the child definitely doesn't want that?  

Custody Issues / Need advice in Phoenix
« on: Jan 26, 2005, 04:55:16 PM »
My best friend is getting a divorce.  She is a hospice nurse and her husband has a corporate job.  They make about the same in terms of salary.  They have 2 boys, 13 and 8.  They haven't sold the house yet, so they haven't filed for divorce (she was told they can't file while still living together).

Summing them up:

She is involved with the boy's teachers.  Both boys have ADHD and are medicated for it.  She is a very warm and loving person and the boys are very attached to her.

Her husband just admitted he's been using his bonuses for the last 12 years to add to his 80+ gun collection.   He had told her 12 years ago that his company was no longer paying bonuses.  He's had a DUI, is an occasional pot smoker and calls his sons "stupid @sshole" and "f*cking @sshole".  

I've known them both for years.  Honestly, this guy should never have married.  He has always been very much into his gun thing.  He gets off work at 2pm and when the boys come home, they automatically go to their rooms until their mother comes home because the husband wants silence in the house.  He told my friend's sister a few weeks ago that sometimes he hates his own kids.  When I've been around him and the kids, they have always seemed like a constant source of irritation for him.  Undoubtedly their ADHD gets under his skin.

My question is, how automatic is 50/50 custody in Arizona?  I know the oldest boy for sure is going to want to stay primarily with my girlfriend.  He pretty much has said that he thinks his father hates him (not prompted BTW) and a few years ago asked my girlfriend why she ever married his father.  The youngest child will probably be confused and upset that his parents are splitting.  

The husband has already said that he doesn't plan to pay any child support and will see the kids as much as necessary so that he doesn't have to pay.  

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