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My dh is paying for his daughters back to school wardrobe. Bmom is insisting that she be given the money and can take sd shopping, my dh told her no because if he is paying for the clothes he should be able to take her shopping what do you all think?

If your DH is paying CS....then why is he buying the school clothes?  That is what the CS is for....

As a CP as well I understand these battles....ignor BM....make SD happy and have some bonding time with DH.

I would say dump this guy...this sounds too unethical to me and if he didn't tell you up front that he can't represent you now after representing BM in the past, that sounds very shady.

I think the BM has this lawyer (or lawfirm) now that used to work for Heston previously....

Before you confront her...give this website a try:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp (http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp)

Go to the Just found out forum...there are a lot of folks there that have gone through exactly what you're facing and have some awesome advice.  Check out a thread by Chopping Onions...it's masterful!!

Check out the infidelity rules for your state.  If you're in a no-fault state it won't help you much, but there are a few "fault" states still left...where if you're in one of those states the infidelity could have a bearing on custody issues.

I'm so sorry you're going through this...

Congrats!!!  Oh I bet she was just seeething when she left.  Now that you have a CO amount....do NOT pay 1 penny more!  If the kids need clothing and you buy it...KEEP IT AT YOUR HOUSE.

Do most certainly file for the divorce and put together a reasonable parenting plan....then put together another one that is padded with things that you're willing to let go of.  In other words...start off asking for way more than what you would settle for.

Around here the saying goes "pick your battles carefully"....it appears your BM didn't...too bad for her!

Important things to have in your parenting plan....Right to first refusal.  Meaning that if BM isn't able to be with the children during her parenting time, then the children should be with you unless you are also unable to be with them.  Say BM has to go on a work trip for 3 days during the time the kids were supposed to be in her care.  The RTFR clause will insure that the kids stay with you vs a BM family member.....MOST of the time...sigh.  Remember this parenting plan has to cover every aspect from now until they are 18 or depending on what the age of Majority is in your state.

Good Luck!

I have to agree with both Tigger and ocean....a 50/50 placement order is typically reserved for parents that reside in the same area (25 miles apart...not 250) and can effectively co-parent.

When my X took off with my then 10 month old son I was able to get an emergency temp order and got my son back within a week.  After that we did the whole custody battle and since we were now long distance...the judge did a gradual phase in.  X had to fly to my area to visit with DS (who was then 18 months), X then was allowed to take DS for longer periods so he would fly down, pick up DS and fly back.  Then reverse that on the return.  After DS was 5 he was able to fly unaccompanied and since school started he would basically go up there for the summers.
Now DS is 14, still flies up for the summer and last year he even went for Winter break (first time ).
Thing is...I put the needs of my son FIRST and foremost!!  I know my son needs his father and since we are long distance, DS doesn't get to see him much so I let his Dad have him whenever school is out eventhough it's not in our custody agreement.  I give him the whole summer and if his Dad wants...he could have him for the winter and spring breaks...so far he's only had him for one winter break.

It's unfortunate for your DD that your BM doesn't want you involved...children absolutely need BOTH their parents!!

http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/free-speech-blogging-and-family-court/ (http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/free-speech-blogging-and-family-court/)

He's actually got good advice on how to deal with a "high conflict" EX...

and now the family court ordered it to be shut down.

You know.....he should print it all off and turn it into a book.

It looks like DW took it over...Not shutting down!!

Before I could do it, the mother has filed a motion.  And this is to get things court ordered in reverse of what the current CO says.  Basically, the mother is asking for the total reverse of what's in the CO.  So, transportation would be the total opposite of what's in the CO now.  And it's what the mother has been doing anyway, with her blatant and continual disregard of the CO.

I read the response in the other thread from either Mixed or Kitty...not sure which...but I agree with them...what is her "change of circumstance" for filing the motion?  If she doesn't have one, then simply file for denial of motion based on no change of circumstance.  Also do file your contempt and from here on out, each time she violates the order you need to file another.  After so many, you then need to request FULLY CUSTODY with perhaps supervised visitation to the BM?

Basically, if she doesn't have a strong change in circumstance...then it should be denied.

Do you have proof of your payments to the BM?  Make sure you take that to the court.

Have either of you filed for the divorce?  Do you have proof of her neglect?  How old are the children?

Most of your complaints a judge will consider a "difference in parenting styles" and not really care about.  About the only red flag issue is the children sleeping in the same bed.

I had a co-worker from NY that was able to get his CS reduced because he had taken on the majority of the debt.  Bring proof that you're paying for that. 

If your CS does go up then stop paying for the other debts and demand that she pay them or at least 50% of them.

In custody situations its always best to aim high and then settle for what you wish...in this case possible Join Custody.  Since you have the room for the children and provide most of their financial needs you have a good case for full custody.  This is one time where having a lawyer can really make a difference!!  Always...always...always focus on what is best for the children.

Good luck!  I too hope Ocean comes around...she is the resident expert on NY CS

Just got an email from Dad's account saying that he will not call daughter and will forego any further visitation.  I am so sad for my daughter.

He's an idiot...keep that e-mail in a file.

Most of us here learned to "Document....Document....Document"!!  SO when or even "if" they file...you have back up information.

How sad for your DD

I think....you can have your atty file for a public notice service since you know the general area where the BM is located?  I dunno...check with the Atty on that.

If BM moved in Jan...it's now May...what's the delay?  Did you not file emergency orders when she took off?  My X pulled a stunt like this...the very next day I was at the court house filing for emergency custody.  It was granted and then my X had 72 hours to return my Son or face a warrent for his arrest.  I thankfully knew where he was going and was able to get the sheriff there to serve him...the beauty of tiny towns...especially when my uncle is the Post Master   But...X was stupid and didn't return our son to me....a warrent went out for felony parental kidnapping...I had my son back in my arms within 24 hours after that.  6 months later came the court case and I was awarded custody.  The judge reamed my X up and down about taking off with him.

Hard to believe that was over 13 years ago...that's what brought me to these boards.  My son is now 14, I still have custody but he goes and visits his Dad every summer and thankfully has started to go for Christmas break as well.

See what your atty says about the public notification of service.