Messages

--Let's see---

--I'm even with prince13 in that my DH's, XW threatened to come after my income before we were even married.  She then threatened ME again with it after we got married.   I laughed in her face.  

--BUT the crowning MOMENT....She called my dh at work to "talk" to him about SD and THEN drum roll please....she told my dh that she was having problems with HER dh and NOW she knew how to please a man in bed (she actually said, "I know how to F@ck, now") , and she'd be willing to SHOW him if he took her back.

My poor dh was so flustered, he ACTUALLY said "No thank you  I'm happy where I am. " She called me after talking to dh to tell me she called  him because , "I don't want you to think I'm going behind your back."  She left out the part where she offered to show him what she's learned since they divorced.  LOL!!! I found out about that later.  

My dh came home that night PISSED told me about it.  He said..."After all you've done for her and SD the NERVE of that...yaddy yadda yadda."  

I took it with a grain of salt and laughed.  Told my dh, "If I recall correctly, it wasn't HOW she F@CKED that was the problem...it was WHO she was F#@king that was the problem. She seems to have forgotten that part."  My dh started cracking up.  --Worse part?  She and I get along very well, but she had enough nerve to say that to my dh.  LOL!! Guess I can't blame her for trying, though.  

I have to tell you, it will probably get worse before it gets better.  

Hi, Almost a Stepmom, I didn't read your part 1 so I'm only going by this part 2 post.  I'm a SM of about 5 yrs or so.  And I'm actually one of the minority in that I have a great relationship with BM and SD.  We've had our ups and downs and will continue to have them for years to come, but so far so good.  

My suggestion to you is to STOP trying to make them understand that you are not as mean and evil as they are told you are.  Be yourself.  Don't bend over backwards for them, for as long as they treat you with such disdain.  It reeks of desperation and will only support whatever crap their mom is telling them.  Be yourself.  Either they will like you or they won't.  They will either believe their mom or they can believe their own eyes.  

That doesn't mean you have to be mean or cold, if that isn't the type of person you are, don't become that.  Just keep on keeping on.  If they are unappreciative or cold, there is nothing you can do it about it, but do whatever you do to be true to yourself.  So you can live with yourself.  Not to win them or gain their appreciation.  But lay down your hopes that they will change.  Maybe they will maybe they won't.  If they change you can be pleasantly surprised, fi they don't you won't be surprised.  

Try not to be too hurt by what they told their mother.  They are caught in a war and they are telling her what she wants to hear.  Yes, it hurts, but don't take their words as their final opinion of you.  They have been thrown into a game they had no choice in and are learning to play it.  

Depending on what type of relationship you have with your SKs.  This is basically what I would tell them, and you should soften or reword it to suit your personality.  But what I told my SD was this... I don't really care what her mom does at her house.  That is her house and she has the right to run it however she wants.  However,SD  is currently in my and her father's house.  We make the rules here. Not her and not her mother.  The day either of them pay our mortgage is the day they can tell us how to run our household, but until that happens we will run our house the way we see fit.  She doesn't have to like it, as a matter of fact, I could gurantee that she WON'T like the rules.  I didn't like the rules at my mother's house either.  BUT she will follow them.  That's just how it is.  Then it should be up to your DH and you to enforce the rules.

My SD has argued with me that I am not her mother and she doesn't have to listen to me.  I told her that's right, I'm not her mother, and she needs to understand that REAL FAST.   Don't think that she can treat ME  anyway she wants and I still have to DO for her.  I don't.  I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, and I promised her, I did a hell of lot more for her than she did for me.  That's the real world.  Welcome.  

My SD is a head strong independent kid.  Once she makes up her mind, no one can unmake it for her.  Not even her mom.  

My SD came into my life when  7 yrs of age.  I treated her as I would treat any child in my home.  I expected from what her what I expected from any other children.  To show respect to as an adult.  Her loving me wasn't expected but it sure was an added bonus.  Her first words of disrespect, I just looked at her, and said I know your mother taught you better than that.  Despite her mother telling her she didn't have to listen to me, that got her attention and reinforced my position as an adult. Not a SM. Heaven forbid anyone think badly of their mother for not raising them right.   Her dad looked at her and said, "I taught you better than that, too!"  

Kids are smart.  They know what they can get away with and what they can't.  It's not easy, doesn't always work and it takes time, and a lot of energy, A lot of tears and a lot of frustration, but I'm living proof that it CAN happen.  My DH's XW WAS a PBFH, but she changed and so did I, DH and SD.  Good luck to you!!!  

Ok, love ya, bye too personally.  My hubby said that to his BUDDY, a GUY.  I just looked at him and said, "DID you say what I thought you just said?"  He turned bright red, "OMG, I can't believe I just did that.  It's your fault, 'cause I was looking at you and forgot I was talking to HIM."  He'd never done it before and hadn't done it since.  It was a moment of inattention that cost him a bit of embarrassment.  

Needless to say I gave him and his friend a hard time about it;)

 

It is unfair.  But if you've been court orderd to pay CS than, yes you must.  Family courts typciall treat CS and visitation as separate unrelated issues.