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Yesterday I received a call from my sons school.  Apparently someone(biomom) called social services.  She denied it to DH but the school inadvertenly showed me the fax from DSS and it specifically said, referal by *psychomommy* concerning story written by my son.

My son is 13 and has cerebral palsy.  He can't play sports. but he has an incredible talent for writing.  Las weekend AFTER ss was grounded from sons room for stealing money, and grounded off the computer for visiting playboy.com he went into sons room and printed a story off his computer.  So, he broke 2 groundings my going into sons room and going onto his computer!! And This is MY sons fault?

 I Can't even tell you guys how angry I am!!

The story is a mafia/murder/hero story.  If you read the whole story you find that the lesson is that one person can make a difference, the hero brings the mafia to LEGAL justice, not vigilante after the massacre his family.

Psychomommy has decided to use the story to show that my son is a danger to her 2 little lying stealing clones!!

I am just livid!! And before he even heard the whole story DH demanded that I remove the computer from sons room, or he was moving out!!  "This could ruin everything WE'VE worked for"  WE?
OH NO There was no WE!! When I asked him about the we, he actually
admitted "o-k everything YOU worked for!

So 2 questions...

How do I deal with ss when they come, If they get to, and quite frankly at this point I DON"T CARE if they do or not!!

And the second is  Could someone please re-post the Disengaging essay
both for myself and for my best friend who was just put on xanax and zoloft to deal with her own issues.  

THANKS GUYS.


And Kitty, I am taking back the comment that I wouldn't wish her dead, not at my hands, but an accident wouldn't hurt my feeling at all.

She's not just screwing with DH and myself anymore, she's now screwing with my son who has a disability for her own little vendetta against DH.

On Fri. we picked ss up from old school, psychomommy moved AGAIN, and we found out from the kids 2 weeks ago.  

Friday was the last day at old school.  Sunday psychomommy called DH and asked if the boys could stay until Monday night while she finished moving and transferred school records.  DH had to work so he asked me.  I said that was fine.

Yesterday while getting their things together, yss had emptied his backpack so he could pack it with toys to take outside,  I  was putting his things back in his pack and found 3 of my sons comic books. He's and avid collector and 2 of the books cost more than $20.  I told him he couldn't take them and needed to ask DS if he wanted to borrow them.
He put them away and never asked about borrowning them.

OSS wanted to take a shirt home he had here, a button down spiderman shirt that was too small for DS, and another shirt that DS still wears. I told him he could take the smaller blue shirt. but had to leave the other as DS still wears it.

After I dropped them off with their mom I went to put laundry away and their was an empty hanger sticking cockeyed out of the closet. When I pushed it back I realized the second shirt was missing also.

Their was also $1 missing off of DH's dresser. Just a dollar he'd thrown there at the end of the day.  All 3 boys said they didn't have it.  When I did laundry I found 2 little debbie wrapppers in OSS pants pocket.  You know the kind 50 cents each.  And logic tells me that he took the stupid dollar.  Its only a dollar but clearly theres a pattern of behaviour here.

How do we address this?   Dh just said the other day that EVERYTHING is his kids fault when their here.  Well I don't think thats true  but we probelms with them that we don't have with my son.

HELP!!

episode has turned into full blown manipulation by 10 yr old ss and psychomommy!!

Ex called tonite to "speak" with DH about the 10 day visit.

First, we can't give everyone ice cream and not give it to 10 yr old.

second, how dare we feed them fluffernutter sandwiches when we only pay 1/2 of dentist bill.

So which is it  ice cream or fluffernutter?  Clearly they can't have both.

Also,  SS said we wouldn't let him call his psychomommy's mom.
He never asked and if he had we wouldn't have let him because this is our time and he spends plenty of time at G'ma's bar when he's with mom. What he did ask was if he could go to G'mas bar, and for that he's have to cross the hiway.  NO-WAY!!

SS said we MAKE him sleep on our bedroom floor.  
OH I DON"T THINK SO!!  Even when we tell him he cannot sleep in there he comes in after we're asleep. He says  he has nitemares.

Then she complains that we shut our bedroom door saturday night!!
Our 10 month old grandson was here and sleeping in our room.  We had no playpen or crib and didn't want him "escaping" so to speak.

What does she do let the kids  watch evrything that goes on in her room?

then 8 yr old ss says he fell of our trampoline 5 times.  They were here for 10 days and he remembers that he fell of exactly 5 times!! If he had we'd have known, I'm sure.

Unfortunately this weekend is our next weekend and the rules will change drastically.

They said they have no bedtime, why would a 10 yr old say that?
If they didn't have a bedtime they'd probably relish in it.
Bedtime will be 8:30 every night, weeknight, weekend doesn't matter.


So new rules are  NO ONE Sleeps in our room at all. Even if ss has nightmares, he sleeps in other room.

NO ONE plays on trampoline.  If they aren't on it they can't fall off and get hurt.

Fluffernutter?  No way. No junk no snacks.  Milk, Water, Juice, Fruit, and veggies.  No chips, no fruit by the foot.

If they want to lie about what goes on then we'll simply take away allthe "BAD " things they're lying about.

Psychomommy says to DH  "MY Kids Don't Lie".  DH replied "Well, apparently my kids do."

She also said that 10  yr old asked what MGD was, (genuine draft.)Her mother owns a bar and the kids spend ALOT of time there.  They know exactly what it is.
I told him that what he should have said back was  I don't know, I drink high life!

But he doesn't think that quick!!

Wish us luck this weekend, should be interesting!!

I'll keep it short, but this is pretty standard behaviour on out weekends with skids.

Early today we went fleamarketing. 10 yr old ss says I'm hot can we get something cold to eat.

O-K. Fine. We went to Dairy queen.

When we got there 10 yr old wouldn't get out of car.

DH, 12 son, 8 ss, and me go get ice cream.

When we get home 10 ss says to DH  can I have some Ice cream?
I told DH if you give him ice cream I will be furious!!

He says to me  calm down its no big deal if he has ice cream.

Well,  YEAH IT IS!!  HE was the reason we stopped to begin with.

He didn't give it to him, but still now 2 1/2 hrs later he's still telling me
its no big deal.

To me it is.  I would NEVER give in to my kids this way, and he shouldn't be either, it sets an example for all 3 kids, my sons and his 2.


GRRRR!!!

O-K  done now.
THanks for listening!!

I haven't been here much as I'm woking 2 jobs right now.
But I just read a reply to a post below and I'm sooo Happy:D
to read that you and DH are doing better, and that you and DS are
home again!!  I had tears in my eyes when I read your post!!
Good Luck!!     ((((Kitty))))

Ex refused to turn kids over on Wed. for DH's 1/2 of xmas break.

He called yesterday and noone answered.

Today DH has to work, probably until 6 or 7 pm.

About 10 minutes ago OSS, 10, called just left a message saying call back.

So should I call back?  Due to a R.O. against the ex by me she can't call here.  I'm sure if they see our number on caller ID one of the skids will answer.

I'm afraid if I don't return the call we may lose the rest of the weekend.
But If I do then I may be setting a precendent where she will claim I call her home, therefore she should be able to call mine.

What to do What to do?  I tried DH's cell, received a no service message.

Also I'm sure the ex wants to go out tonite and needs a sitter, or figured DH and I would go out and is trying to ruin it.  We always stay home, but she doesn't know that.

Ex's new husband has a child he hadn't seen on over 2 1/2 yrs.
Suddenly when we started our fight for placement, he became father of the year.

Now 2 yrs later, he hasn't had any contact with his son, in over a yr.

I think this shows that he used his own child so that he and the ex would like one big happy family.  THen when they were done with him, stopped visiting.

So any ideas?

2 ss finished school last friday.  It was DH's weekend.  On Sunday OSS called pbfh and asked of they could stay the week since I wasn't working.  She hemmed and hawwed for awhile then agreed.  I was to drop them off with her mother on Friday.  She called at 9 pm last night (monday) and said she wanted them dropped off TODAY at 5pm!

DH is out of town, and she knew this when she told them they could stay.
OSS is 10.  He BEGGED her for over 45 minutes to just stay for a few  more days.  No reason why, just NO!!

Last summer she denied 2 full weeks of summer vacation.  I'm kind of on pins and needles waiting for our first 10 days of June.  It starts on the 18th.

It doesn't really make a difference to me if they stay or not, but why does she have to mess with them like that?


SOOO FRIGGIN ANGRY WITH HER!!

Shes probably already called the police and told them we kept the kids.Thats just how she is!!

I'll try to keep this brief really need some advice.

G/S is 2. Biomom left over a yr ago, son has been
custodial for this time.

DH and I are actually primary caretakers. Son was
arrested for failure to pay support-birthing expenses.
He was pulled over for non registration of vehicle,
also received tickets for operating while
suspended-G/S was in the car, open intoxicant-blew 0.0
on breathalyzer. He failed to appear for court date
but no warrant shows up on CCAP. Son has low income
apartment and foodstamps.

Biomom has no permanent address she's currently with
her mother, was back with son for 3 weeks last month,
moved with friend last month, who kicked
her out. She hasnt had a job since g/s was born in
spite of not having custody, also she provides no
support.
DH and I, as recently as last week bought diapers,
clothes and shoes. Biomom continualy brings him home
w/o shoes/clothes/diapers. Son does this also.

Biomom has stolen sons adderal, and son has sold his
adderal. we just want baby to have a steady stable
home.

Biomoms dad and grandmother have both stated that they
would help dh and i with custody. And I absolutely
believe them, as we were friends with them before son
and biomom ever met.

Temp custody? Emergency custody? our biggest fear
is that son will get arrested and grandson will be
sent to biomom, who has attempted suicide, as have her
mother and sister.

HELP!!
Thanks everyone

SS 9 was overnight at the hospital  and  skids (both-1-9,1-11)  are staying with grandmother instead of with us this weekend because no one knows why 9 yr old has blood in his urine.

Psychomommy took him to Dr. Wed and they kept him overnight.  We're very rural and about 50-60 miles from nearest hospital. So we understand him staying with g/ma 2 blocks from hospital.

My questions are When you pee blood is it painful?  Ex claims that it happened on our weekend and that ss says he told us about it.  IF it happened or was goingon during our weekend he never said a word.
And wouldn't we have noticed something amiss?

Second question is if something had happened on our weekend, woudn't the bleeding have stopped by wednesday?  they went home around 2 sunday.

I have a feeling that 11 yr old kidney punched 9 yr old and if they tell Mom that it happened at their house while she was at work SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN!  She leaves them home alone while she works.  Anyone who knows our story knows how much this bothers me.  2 yrs ago she was letting 11 yr old babysit (he was 9) 9 yr old (was 7) and their 7 yr old stepbrother, while they lived ON THE RIVER!

Much easier to say that it happened here and blame DH.

Also psychomommy had plans to go las vegas for the long weekend , she left thursday a.m. and wont be home until monday.  He wasnt' so sick that she stayed home.

Any input?

My ex has recently had a g/f move in with him.  I have no problem with this, however I have become concerned for our 13 yr old.

He has known her for a short time-6 weeks- and she has serious issues with her own ex.  He followed her from her state, Ill. to our state, northern WI.  He was calling her work and harrasing her. He assaulted her in ILL and she has a no-[contact order against him.

My concern is thaty ex lives in a very small town and it wouldn't be
hard for her ex to find them.  

She quit her job because it was too far to drive from the bio dads to her work. Son went to dads on friday and on sunday dad called to tell me that I would either have to come get son or he would be keeping him until this coming saturday.  He doesn't have the gas to bring him home because he had to drive her 70 miles each way to  pshycologist appts. this last week.  Ex also obtained a restraining order against her ex because of phone threats he made to ex's voice mail on his cell phone.

I don't know her or her situation other than this.  What I do know is that
if her ex came to town and said I'm an old friend of "bobs"the people in town would tell him where they live and not think twice about it.

I have sole physical and sole legal but I have never really exercise it.
If "Bob" wants to deal with this situation that is fine, but I don't like feeling like he's putting son in danger.  This ex has been in jail previosly for assaulting an ex wife in 1998.

Someone get me on track and let me know if I'm overreacting.
I'm not  so concerned that I jumped in my car and ran to pick up son, but concerned enough to think that ex's feeling for this new g/f may be clouding his judgement.  He's paying for her counseling.  He said the other day "I'm 37 and I can't wait around forever for a wife".

Thanks for the help.

Before everyone gets upset with me, please remember that I've been
here for 5 yrs, and have a really good relationship with my kids' dad.

Now to the UGLY part.  My daughter and b/f never married, but live together and were awarded joint custody of my grandson. If they separate custody would be 50/50.that was 2 yrs ago.

They have since moved from WI to PA and are having serious problems.
D would like to move back to WI.  B/F doesn't have a job, she works 2 jobs, and she found out that he is IM-ing a woman and having phone sex, He claims they have never met and tells her she's crazy and overreacting. But he won't let her read any of the IM's or text messages.

Her concern is how to handle the custody issue if/when she moves.  Does WI still have jurisdiction?  Or would she have to do something in PA?  He's a good Dad for the most part but I'm looking for some neutral advice as I'm alittle biased when it comes to my baby girl and he did leave her for a short time when he found out she was pregnant and lived   with another woman he met over the internet.  I honestly believe ,
even in all my bias that she should be upset and he is doing something wrong even if he hasnt actually had contact with her.

I thought it would still lie with WI because they never transfered the custody order. But what to do if he wants to stay in PA and she comes back?

Any advice or help would be appreciated.  
Thanks everybody !!!

This will be the 4th move for the skids in 3 yrs. Both are in school.
This move isn't all bad for us as it cuts down our drive to pick them up
by 1/2 hour.

BUT, we only found out about the move because DH called to talk to the boys last night and they were  PACKING!!

Court order says 60 days written notice, not day notice through the kids!!

We don't really want to file contempt for this, but we do want to force her to tell us where she's living and where the kids are going to school!

This woman (I use the term loosely) is driving me crazy with what she's doing to these kids!!

GRRRR!

Any Advice??

My ex and I hava a very good relationship and he called today asking for help for his twin sister.

SHe and husband filed for divorce in Virginia.  She believed him when he said to save money they should both use one lawyer...HIS.

She got nothing in the divorce and doesnt' get CS, unless he feels like sending some.

On Fri she was served papers, to appear in court this fri. Ex is asking for custody.

She moved to WI over 2 yrs ago and this has been childs primary residence.

There isn't no  substantial change in circumstance.

She has hired a lawyer in Virginia.   I thought she should fight for WI to retain jurisdiction as the child has lived here so long.

Any one know anything about virgina law?  Any advice  would be great.

I'm looking for the family that appeared on Dr. Phil and had a bad experience with the mother moving the children to alaska.

Our local fathers group, in wis, is tossing around the idea  because one of our members' ex submitted an e-mail and they were invited.

I have SERIOUS reservations about this and would like to tell them why.
Thanks.

We requested copies of EVERYTHING that is in the skids files at school.

Does teh school have to include correspondence between the ex and principal , such as letters claiming DH and I are violent, or copy of restraining order against me, or are there things that can be excluded?

Restraining order was dismissed becasue ex lied and there was even a GAL report, but these were never given to the school.

All the school knows is what she tells them and we're trying to counter that.

Borderline Personality disorder or narcissistic wife/husband.

I found these on BPD website  Stop Walking on eggshells is supposed to be for people who love someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it has specific chapters on Divorce and Custody.  
Stop Walking On Eggshells by Randl Kreger and Paul Mason

THe other is  specific for divorcing someone who is Bi-Polar or Borderline Personality Disorder.

Splitting  by  William Eddy

I haven't read them yet but I do plan on getting them.  Hopefully they'll help DH and I deal with the ex better.

It's 9:50 p.m. on monday.  My last post, at about 9:45 said that I posted at 2:49 a.m. on tuesday.  

Why is this?

Just curious.

I don't know how to post articles here so I'm going to post the link.

Perhaps someone a little more computer-literate than I could post the article here.

Its about 2/3 down  the page

//www.startribune.com

Being as cynical as I am of the system and of the way they hand out restraining orders maybe it wasn't revenge at all but simply a man who didn't know what else to do to be with his daughter.

The letter was from a mother who's 17 yr old son and g'f are having a baby.  What she asked was what are my and my sons rights, ans what will happen if the couple break up.

This is what really upset me..It's kind of long but its the exact response.

No matter how careful you are, sometimes your children surprise you, not always for the better.  Life has handed your an unexpected hurdle, but we hope you will keep your eyes focused on the silver lining- your grandchild.

Your son is legally obligated to provide financial support until the child reaches at least 18 yrs of age.

(AND NOW THE REAL KICKER)

Please take him to see a lawyer so an agreement for supprt and visitation can be set down to paper.  While there ask the attorney about your states laws ragrding grandparents rights.  You might not have any.  IF YOU WANT TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THIS GRANDCHILD, WE RECOMMEND MAINTAINING A CORDIAL RELATIONSHIPWITH THE MOTHER AND SEE TO IT THAT YOUR SON DOES THE SAME!!!

I was very upset by this response.  No mention of 50/50.  No mention of being a constant in the childs life  The first piece of advice was  CHILD SUPPORT  and  VISITATION!!

you can write them at [email protected]

I did.

A cordial relationship!! Clearly neither of the women writing this have ever been torn from their children like so many of the men here have!!

When I did the court search for the Marshall Fox story I ran the ex's name just for giggles...Our Hearing was almost 2 yrs ago and her attorney is taking her to small claims court for failure to pay his fees.

HEE HEE HEE!!!

//www.wbay.com      Marshall Fox and child found in South Dakota.

You can read the story at the above website.

I'm hoping some, or all of you, will e-mail this T.V. station and ask them to look at the real reason this father removed his son from his mother.

No one has spoken tothe father or his family, but the mother says he does drugs and drinks.
When I did a search on Wisconsin court records their was nothing violent, or drug related anywhere in his record. Nor did I find any restraining orders, As the mother is claiming the father beat her.

The sheriff issued a warrant based soley on the mothers accusations, how many of you have been there?  Iknow DH and I were.

There is no divorce or custody order so its not kidnapping either, so the state refused to issue an amber alert.

This whole story upset me on so many different levels that I immediately fired off an e-mail to the news station.

Thanks everyone for the help, I'm hoping to just get a little attention to the plight of fathers here and throughout the country.

P.S. The indian reservation in South Dakota is refusing to honor the warant issued by the Shawano County Sheriffs Dept. So he's not in custody yet.

Exclusive interview by Cynthia McFadden tonite.

Only heard a short snip on GMA this morning.  What I did hear was

today begins Marks' supervised 1 week visit that she has to pay for, and poor little Marks doesn'thave a job.

And now Dad may be asking for support and again she doesn't have a job poor thing.

I once again e-mailed GMA and asked them to visit this site and read about the real pain of parents who have had their children ripped away.

This is for a friend of my sons....Mom is 18, drinks ALOT smokes around baby (7 Months old), leaves baby with her parents for extended periods of time.

Dad and Mom were together (he thought) when he entered basic training.  He came home yesterday.  When he called Mom to tell her
he'd be home she just said, Well, I wont be there.

She packed ALL his belongings befoer he'd even left basic.

She's now putting all kinds of conditions on how he can visit his son.

Her parents home is a disgusting pigsty!!  I babysat for her when she was small, and things haven't improved at all, filthy, garbage, animal feces throughout the house.

I suggested the following:  File for full custody immediately. Maybe he'll get it based on the home situation, but at least he can negotiate to 50/50 .

Baby had pneumonia. She's refusing to give him medical info. However, we did find WIsconsin statute 767 which says, A parent is entitled to ALL school and medical recards, regardless of whether that parent has legal custody or not.

She wants him to only visit at her parents home.  I thought that was a WONDERFUL IDEA!!  Take a camera, take pics of the filth the baby is living in.  He could just tell her parents that he wants pics of baby.  Or better yet a videa camera.

Wi is also a one-party state.  He'll be picking up my microcassette recorder and phonecorder later today. She told his sister that she's going to tell the court that he never gave her any money.  However he has all the cancelled checks.

If anyone has other suggestions I'd really appreciate it.

We'll be helping this young man fill out a parenting plan and the papers to file by the end of the week.

I also told him to get a sewn-bound notebook and start documenting.


THANKS EVERYBODY!!

Everyone please e-mail gma as soon as possible.

They ran a story about a mother who is being FORCED to turn her children over to (GASP! OH NO!) their father.

SHe was never found unfit, however the decision was based on the mothers false abuse allegations during the trial.

SHe now has supervised visits that she must pay for.

//www.abcnews.com  click on good morning america.  at the bottom of the page  click on  e-mail us.

Please please lets inundate them.

I also directed them to this site and to the site in my state that I use.

I've been kinda busy lately. so I just read Brents birth control post.  So I thought I'd add this.

We have a shelter in our area for abused WOMEN and children.  No services for men.  However, in their pamphlet they state that forced sex, and WITHHOLDING sex is considered sexual abuse!!

So Guys how many of you have been sexually abused in this way?

If a woman does it, its her right, but if a man does it, its sexual abuse!!

I told our local clinic that I was offended that they provided so many services for abused women and none for men.