Quote from: chickenbubbasmom on Aug 26, 2009, 02:02:57 PM
Hello, I am the stepmother of two wonderful boys, ages 13 and 9. Dad and I also have a 13 mo. old daughter together. Dad has had no luck with the court for the past several years, until a new commissioner that was hearing for support saw something was not right and appointed herself to the case.
Following a court ordered evaluation, dad was given joint physical/legal, with every Wednesday overnight as well as 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends and right of first refusal, which is what he was asking for. Before this, dad had minimal contact with the boys, a few hours a week, with mom breaking the previous order on a continual basis and over litigating/filing false tro's and restraining orders every few months. The evaluator came down very hard on mom in her report. She stated that mom was in fact alienating the children, and mom was ordered to attend individual counseling min. 25 sessions. Mom's new boyfriend of a few months is ordered/not allowed to babysit the children at all due to children's statements to the evaluator about his badmouthing dad and verbally abusing the older child. At the hearing,mom stated she will be cutting her hours to 1 day/ week in order to keep dad from having the 3 days overnight when she would be at work.
Hours after the hearing, older boy contacted dad via email, telling dad to get online and talk. Dad told him he tried to call, but no answer. (BM only gives dad a cell #, and they have recently moved from grandma's home into an apartment with the new boyfriend). Older son told his dad,mom's not answering because she's at work. Dad asked where he was, he said at home with Dave (mom's bf). He asked where his brother was, and older boy said he was in his room. Dad called bm cell and left a message about her being at work and violating the court order. Dad also called police, but police couldn't do anything due to bm refusing to provide dad with her new address. About 20 min. later, son disappeared offline and never returned. A few hours later, dad received many text messages from mom, saying she wasn't at work, calling him a liar, and calling her son a liar. Son had no reason to lie, since he had no knowledge of the new order, or that mom was breaking it. Older son is now kicked off the computer for telling on mom, even though he has no idea why. Dad has no way to communicate with boys between visits. BM either doesn't answer or puts the boys on speaker and then complains the whole 2 minutes she allows them to talk that he is interfering with her time.
BM mom refuses to give dad copy of her work schedule when she receives it, as ordered. She says her word should be good enough, and also that it is a violation of HIPAA law for the court to order her to give him a copy. The purpose of her giving him a copy, is because she cannot be trusted to be honest. She is very angry about the new order, and stated in several messages that the commissioner is not a real judge, and she never agreed for her to her the case. She doesn't feel she should have to follow the order. BM also refuses to give dad her new address, home #; he doesn't even know where she works.
My question I guess, is where do we go from here.? File for contempt, even though we were just in court a week ago?
Let me first say that my heart goes out to you, your husband, and his children. What a nightmare situation for the children. Now, that being said, how to get through it. I agree with ocean, I would definitely file contempt charges against her for not following through on ROFR, among other things. Documenting everything is very important.
Since he has joint custody, he has every right to listed first or second on the emergency contact list for school. I again agree with ocean that a new emergency card should be done with your husband's information listed. You didn't say, but I am willing to bet she has not been sharing information from the school with your husband either, ie reports cards, etc. I would provide the school with self addressed envelopes (including stamps) and request all information sent to the BM be sent to your husband as well. This way, you are bypassing BM and will have all the correct information from the source.
Best of luck to you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.