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Messages - Simplydad

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91
Visitation Issues / Re: Question about Mediator's Position?
« on: May 04, 2011, 12:15:04 PM »

She then sent an email to daughter's account, thru Dad's email, saying she was overreacting and needed to be grown up about this and understand StepMom can make the decisions on his behalf and signed it with his name.  The reason we know it was her, Dad is offshore and does not have electronic communication.

This is just laughable.  It is as if they will try to do anything to convince you to do what they want. 
 
Now Dad can have stepmon act on his behalf on anythng he wants. All he has to do is give a power of attorny........BUT.....there is not a single legal document that I know of that will allow dad to grant stepmom permission to act on his behalf as it pertains to the parent/child relationship. Now I do know that a NCP can designate a competent adult to pick a child up and return the child on their behalf.  That is all they can do. They are not authorized to make any decisions that pertain to the child. That right belong to the parents alone.


StepMom says she has rights because child is as much hers as ours.  She emailed that she is willing to go to court to make this happen. 

Tell her good luck with that.  She can't even file a motion before the court.
 

SimplyDad--  Good advice, I asked for the information and have heard nothing back since.  Lol

 
Glad I could help. I have learned that if you call someone's bluff the truth will eventually come out.
 
 

92
Visitation Issues / Re: Question about Mediator's Position?
« on: May 04, 2011, 09:16:47 AM »

I'm confused.......maybe it's because of the frequency of the terms 'managing conservator' and 'possessory conservator' being used, but I interpreted it differently.

'(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator'

In (A), I interpret it to mean that the NCP surrenders the child to the CP at the NCP's home, but in (B) I interpret it to be the opposite, so it likes like to me that it could go either way and the end of each parenting time.  At the beginning of each parenting time, it seems pretty cut-and-dried...in that the child is picked up either at the CP's residence or at the child's school, whichever can be agreed upon by the parents.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong....

 
I checked some random divorces in one of the counties and saw that in each divorce it states where the child is picked up and dropped off.  They clealy list it by name where this occurs and it is the same way in my divorce as well.
 
What is listed there does seem confusion but it made sense once I started looking at the orders.  One of the options has to be selected.
 

93
The short answer is no.....the courts are not going to care about disrupting her life with friends or anything like that.  The best interest of the child will always be to spend time with both parents and the child does not get to choose if they can or cannot go.
 
Now if you have concerns about her well being then you may want to start documenting the issues you are having.  However at 11 years old the child should know they need to bath. Do you have documentation of the severe sumburn (doctor's reports).  Otherwise it will more than likely be a non issue because people get sunburn every day.  Earing holes severly infected? I am assuming that the child had her ears peirced when with dad and it got infected?
 
A lof of the things you mention seem like common things in childhood.  I am not saying that your ex is or is not doing what he is supposed to be doing but what you mentioned does not sound something the courts will consider unless it is frequent occurance.

94
Visitation Issues / Re: Question about Mediator's Position?
« on: May 03, 2011, 07:37:01 AM »

SimplyDad--Thank You for the information.  I feel that gives me just a bit more perspective because he has been making me feel selfish and unwilling to work on him seeing daughter.


Doing what is right by your child is not being selfish and I truly understand how you feel.  From the information I am getting it seems you do what you can to facilitate the relationship between your father and daughter.  You can only do so much and what happens at times is the other parent tends to take advantage of the situation.   


Unfortunately last night began a new turn of events.  Step Mom and daughter got into an agrument on the phone to the point I had to take the phone away because step mom threatened daughter.  I am not sure what all transpired, just found daughter crying on the phone and I took the phone away.  Today lawyer called and said mediation is ended until step mom and daughter make up.  I need to have daughter call her to apologize for saying she did not want to come for next visitation.  Step mom told her she would take matters into her own hands and make it happen if she had to put me in jail.  This came from lawyer.  Not real sure where to go from here?.?.?  I am thinking not mediation.


This right here is absolutely ridiculous.   

1. The step mother has zero rights as it pertains to visitation.  You do not have to agree to turn your daughter over to her. No court in the country would force you to do so.

2. Texas does not have mediator license requirements but I highly doubt this person is a mediator or an attorney for that matter.  Is there a pending motion before the court?  That would be the only reason mediation would be required right now. You have a final decree that spells out visitation.  A motion will have to be filed before there is any changes.

3. Call back the attorney and ask for their state bar number.   IF they ask why you need it tell them you want to verify their status as an attorney and you are considering filing a complaint with the Texas State Bar. You may not get any information at all but what you are doing here is putting them on notice. ....after that no more telephone conversations with the attorney.  Tell them from this point on you will only accept communication via email or mail.

If there is no motion before the court there is nothing that can be done. You do not need to agree to anything they ask for.
 
 

95
Visitation Issues / Re: Question about Mediator's Position?
« on: May 03, 2011, 06:45:41 AM »

I'm confused.......maybe it's because of the frequency of the terms 'managing conservator' and 'possessory conservator' being used, but I interpreted it differently.

'(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator'

In (A), I interpret it to mean that the NCP surrenders the child to the CP at the NCP's home, but in (B) I interpret it to be the opposite, so it likes like to me that it could go either way and the end of each parenting time.  At the beginning of each parenting time, it seems pretty cut-and-dried...in that the child is picked up either at the CP's residence or at the child's school, whichever can be agreed upon by the parents.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong....

 
Kitty,
 
I read and re-read it because after your post I seemed to be confused as well.  This is the statement that I think is key.....
 
(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
 

It is the "do one of the following" that stands out.
 
I think one of the two items is the only thing listed in the decree.   Visitation is ended at either the NCP or CP's residence.  I will look at some decree's here in texas and see what the language is.
 
 
 

96
Visitation Issues / Re: Question about Mediator's Position?
« on: May 02, 2011, 02:43:18 PM »
Here is a link to the Texas Family Code section 153 which covers visitation

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/FA/htm/FA.153.htm

Visitation starts at section 153.3101

153.316 has the general terms and this is the part where it mentions picking up and dropping off the child.  These rules apply to both orders of visitation....less than 100 miles and more than 100 miles away.

(1)  the managing conservator shall surrender the child to the possessory conservator at the beginning of each period of the possessory conservator's possession at the residence of the managing conservator;

(2)  if the possessory conservator elects to begin a period of possession at the time the child's school is regularly dismissed, the managing conservator shall surrender the child to the possessory conservator at the beginning of each period of possession at the school in which the child is enrolled;
(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator

97
Visitation Issues / Re: Question about Mediator's Position?
« on: May 02, 2011, 06:47:22 AM »

It was him who moved the 400 miles away.  I did recently move 20 miles further away from the location from where the order was set.  I lived in the country and decided to move into the city.  He did not contest me moving the twenty miles at the time.  Currently I drive 115 miles to meet him for drop off and pick up.  This has been in effect for 7 years.  Child will be 11 next month.  She has flown a couple times at split expense on both sides.  This stopped because he would not allow her to contact me upon arrival as per our original agreement. 

The standard order in Texas for parents that live more than one hundred miles apart clearly state that he will has to pick the child up at your place of residence and return the child to your residence.
 
He can't make you do anything and should be thankful that you help at all to help him with travel costs.  Your helping in that department is good thing.  Your ex is probably asking you to do more than you actually have to. Hopefully a gentle reminder that you are actually doing more than you have to should end it but that depends if the other side wants to be irrational or not.



I have read several posts and participated in the forum in the past.  I learned one thing, there should not be a NCP side and a CP side, it should be the child's side.  I used to believe it was about my rights but it is not.  The child needs both parents and the only way he will see her is if she flies and if I pay for half of that.  She needs her dad and as twisted as I think he is, if I can help her have that relationship then I need to. 

 
I agree with you on this part.  It really isn't about the parents inability to get along if that is the case. It should be about the child spending as much time with each parent as possible.  If you want to help with expenses on that then I applaud you for that because you are putting the child first.


I am not as understanding about the Step-Mom needing visitation.  If she wants to have her on the weekends that Dad is not home, then I will meet her 100 miles closer to her home.  I thought that was fair.  If his mother wants to see her, I offered to drive her to her house as we live 40 miles apart.  They want me to pay for the flight and I cannot get my head around that.

Thank You

 
I personally think you are being more than fair.  Asking you to pay for the ticket is over the top and what your ex should have done was ask to switch visitation time for something where he would be there.

98
Visitation Issues / Re: More questions...
« on: Apr 27, 2011, 01:49:57 PM »

Simplydad, the OP stated 'She has filed the divorce decree in Utah. Our understanding is jurisdiction is held where the children live. We moved to AR. in December, equidistant to her place of residence from the original state. However, this apparently now removes jurisdiction from the divorce state to her resident state.'  To me, that means she has had the original order moved and filed with the state of Utah and all future actions regarding this order has to be addressed in that jurisdiction.  A parent can request to have an order relocated and, depending on the jurisdiction being considered, they may or may not grant it.  Apparently Utah has.........and it is certainly NOT a father-friendly state.

 
Thanks Kitty....I did not know that.

99
Visitation Issues / Re: More questions...
« on: Apr 26, 2011, 08:53:29 AM »

Simplydad,

She has filed the divorce decree in Utah. Our understanding is jurisdiction is held where the children live. We moved to AR. in December, equidistant to her place of residence from the original state. However, this apparently now removes jurisdiction from the divorce state to her resident state.

I don't know. I've never been through any of this and I don't DO crazy people.
LOL

 
Each county has residency requirements before a divorce could be filed.  If she met the requirments and filed for divorce then it must be held in that court. 
 
Jurisdiction is maintained by the court that has given the order.  In other words if you live in Arkansas and filed for divorce there then that court maintains jurisdiction over all matters of that divorce as it pertains to custody.  Jurisdiction is not based on where the children lives but where the order was filed.

100
Visitation Issues / Re: More questions...
« on: Apr 26, 2011, 08:46:46 AM »

We did not force the Spring Break issue because his daughter was so excited, and she should have been; she got a lead role. It's very hard to break the heart of a 9 year old. However, if the ex had NOT scheduled these activities, we wouldn't have been in the position of having to do that.


This is where it could get difficult.  While I do agree that it is hard to disappoint a 9 year old child these things will have to stop.  I think time with her father should take precedence above all things.   His ex will continually do these things until he stops them.  If it was me I would sit my kids down at my next visitation and let them know how much I love them and then explain to them that my time with them is important.  That I cannot allow their mother to repeatedly schedule things during my time.  Let them know that next time I will have say no in the matter.   


As for summer break.  His visitation time now stands at 42 days. She has stated she'd "allow" him an extra week if we agreed to release the children early. She informed him he can only have 30 days, plus the week she's graciously granting him as she screwed him out of Spring Break. She will "give" him 37 days, if he agrees to her timing. If not, she states he can only have 30.


She has no say in the matter. All she is doing is stating words.  Your husband picks his children up and take them back 42 days later. Absolutely nothing can be done about that.  She can scream and threaten all she want. It is a court order that must be followed in ever jurisdiction.


As of yesterday, she agreed to go to mediation, but with the following caveats, of course:

1) We pay for everything
2) I am not allowed to be in the room 


Why would he agree to mediation? From what I am reading all he is wanting to do is have his visitation as it is ordered in the decree.  You don't need mediation for that and there is absolutely no reason for your husband to agree to mediation. His visitation is already spelled out.

I can't stress this enough....YOUR HUSBAND HAS  FORCEABLE DECREE THAT SPECIFIES VISITATION!!!!!!!!! (sorry for the yelling...lol)

His ex can either follow it or eventually wind up losing custody.  That is what happens when you repeatedly file contempt charges. If I am not mistaken it does not cost to do that. There is a simple form that you fill out and get put on the courts calendar. You don't even need a lawyer for that (though it is good to have one if you can afford it).


Each step of the way, there's always a caveat. One MORE thing she believes we HAVE to do in order to please her.  She has already started trying to "sway" the mediator, by informing the mediator that she's TRIED to talk to H, but *I* won't let him. Which, a) isn't true, and b) even when we requested that she stop harassing him, she completely ignored the request and continued to email him anyway.


Mediation is not binding unless you actually agree to it. You can go to a mediation session and not like what is said and immedietly walk out and say you will allow the judge to decide.   

Do you already have mediation scheduled? If so what exactly is the reason for mediation?   

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