Question about Mediator's Position?

[Kitty C.]

I'm confused.......maybe it's because of the frequency of the terms 'managing conservator' and 'possessory conservator' being used, but I interpreted it differently.

'(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator'

In (A), I interpret it to mean that the NCP surrenders the child to the CP at the NCP's home, but in (B) I interpret it to be the opposite, so it likes like to me that it could go either way and the end of each parenting time.  At the beginning of each parenting time, it seems pretty cut-and-dried...in that the child is picked up either at the CP's residence or at the child's school, whichever can be agreed upon by the parents.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong....

[daisygirl0825]

SimplyDad--Thank You for the information.  I feel that gives me just a bit more perspective because he has been making me feel selfish and unwilling to work on him seeing daughter. 

Unfortunately last night began a new turn of events.  Step Mom and daughter got into an agrument on the phone to the point I had to take the phone away because step mom threatened daughter.  I am not sure what all transpired, just found daughter crying on the phone and I took the phone away.  Today lawyer called and said mediation is ended until step mom and daughter make up.  I need to have daughter call her to apologize for saying she did not want to come for next visitation.  Step mom told her she would take matters into her own hands and make it happen if she had to put me in jail.  This came from lawyer.  Not real sure where to go from here?.?.?  I am thinking not mediation.

[ocean]

Are you sure this is a lawyer? Sounds like this is a friend your ex's calling...

Your daughter does NOT need to apologize until you get to the bottom of this. You need to find out exactly what happened. Until then, NO phone calls with step-mother. Phone calls are for dad (and in good relationships whoever else). Step-mother should not be getting in the middle of this with child.

Not sure what the lawyer was talking about. You can not be thrown in jail for what your child said on the phone. If there is no mediation, then he is not going to get any visitation or changes so not in HIS best interest.

What is currently court ordered (from your last set of papers)? Follow that until you get another COURT order. If your state allows, TAPE this lawyer. Or say, in the beginning of the conversation, that you will be taping all phone calls from him (maybe that will keep him more ethical). You do not have to pick up every phone call either. Let him talk to voicemail first and see if he leaves any info on that.

Maybe start child in counseling by you if you think she needs it. Sounds like they are telling her things on the phone to put her in the middle. Stop the phone calls for a while or only allow dad phone calls to come through. For the first couple, tell your daughter if they start talking about adult stuff, to hand you the phone. Really need to know what the phone call was about though...but to have the step-mom get lawyer involved for an kid apology in crazy.

(PS, even if she did not go to visitation next time, you will not be put in jail, just have to explain why she did not go, the worst that would happen is make up time but at her age, she is getting close to where the courts listen to the child about what is going on)

[Simplydad]

I'm confused.......maybe it's because of the frequency of the terms 'managing conservator' and 'possessory conservator' being used, but I interpreted it differently.

'(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator'

In (A), I interpret it to mean that the NCP surrenders the child to the CP at the NCP's home, but in (B) I interpret it to be the opposite, so it likes like to me that it could go either way and the end of each parenting time.  At the beginning of each parenting time, it seems pretty cut-and-dried...in that the child is picked up either at the CP's residence or at the child's school, whichever can be agreed upon by the parents.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong....

Kitty,

I read and re-read it because after your post I seemed to be confused as well.  This is the statement that I think is key.....

(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:

It is the "do one of the following" that stands out.

I think one of the two items is the only thing listed in the decree.   Visitation is ended at either the NCP or CP's residence.  I will look at some decree's here in texas and see what the language is.

[Simplydad]

SimplyDad--Thank You for the information.  I feel that gives me just a bit more perspective because he has been making me feel selfish and unwilling to work on him seeing daughter.

Doing what is right by your child is not being selfish and I truly understand how you feel.  From the information I am getting it seems you do what you can to facilitate the relationship between your father and daughter.  You can only do so much and what happens at times is the other parent tends to take advantage of the situation.   

Unfortunately last night began a new turn of events.  Step Mom and daughter got into an agrument on the phone to the point I had to take the phone away because step mom threatened daughter.  I am not sure what all transpired, just found daughter crying on the phone and I took the phone away.  Today lawyer called and said mediation is ended until step mom and daughter make up.  I need to have daughter call her to apologize for saying she did not want to come for next visitation.  Step mom told her she would take matters into her own hands and make it happen if she had to put me in jail.  This came from lawyer.  Not real sure where to go from here?.?.?  I am thinking not mediation.

This right here is absolutely ridiculous.   

1. The step mother has zero rights as it pertains to visitation.  You do not have to agree to turn your daughter over to her. No court in the country would force you to do so.

2. Texas does not have mediator license requirements but I highly doubt this person is a mediator or an attorney for that matter.  Is there a pending motion before the court?  That would be the only reason mediation would be required right now. You have a final decree that spells out visitation.  A motion will have to be filed before there is any changes.

3. Call back the attorney and ask for their state bar number.   IF they ask why you need it tell them you want to verify their status as an attorney and you are considering filing a complaint with the Texas State Bar. You may not get any information at all but what you are doing here is putting them on notice. ....after that no more telephone conversations with the attorney.  Tell them from this point on you will only accept communication via email or mail.

If there is no motion before the court there is nothing that can be done. You do not need to agree to anything they ask for.

[Simplydad]

I'm confused.......maybe it's because of the frequency of the terms 'managing conservator' and 'possessory conservator' being used, but I interpreted it differently.

'(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator'

In (A), I interpret it to mean that the NCP surrenders the child to the CP at the NCP's home, but in (B) I interpret it to be the opposite, so it likes like to me that it could go either way and the end of each parenting time.  At the beginning of each parenting time, it seems pretty cut-and-dried...in that the child is picked up either at the CP's residence or at the child's school, whichever can be agreed upon by the parents.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong....

I checked some random divorces in one of the counties and saw that in each divorce it states where the child is picked up and dropped off.  They clealy list it by name where this occurs and it is the same way in my divorce as well.

What is listed there does seem confusion but it made sense once I started looking at the orders.  One of the options has to be selected.

[daisygirl0825]

Ocean--  Daughter has been in counseling for three years.  She likes being able to get the frustration out and that helps everyone.  I had not allowed contact between daughter and step mom until meeting with Dad.  He asked that this happen, and I agreed as they were pushing visitation but settled on phone calls at the time.  This was the first phone call.  The story is long so I will surmise. 

StepMom promised that a friend could travel with them and spend visitation with daughter and family.  All arrangements were made without contact with me.  In that, she texted daughter that Mom would have no problem driving the friend and daughter.  Friends Mom was not aware of the travel arrangements, she was under the impression that they would be doing all of the travel arrangements.  When I texted Stepmom, asking what the plans were, she called everything off and told me I needed to monitior daughter's texting better.  I emailed her and asked that we work this out because daughter was heartbroken.  She said nothing to work out and would call and explain that she was the one at fault with the situation.  When she called daughter and told her that there was not any chance of friend going daughter pulled ten year old dramatics.  She gave an ultimatum that if friend could not go as promised, then she was not going.  StepMom told her if she did not go she would take matters into her own hands and daughter would find out who was in charge.  Daughter freaked out worse and told her to talk to Mom and StepMom refused.  I took the phone from Daughter and told StepMom call was over and hung up. 

She then sent an email to daughter's account, thru Dad's email, saying she was overreacting and needed to be grown up about this and understand StepMom can make the decisions on his behalf and signed it with his name.  The reason we know it was her, Dad is offshore and does not have electronic communication.

There are no motions before the court.  The person representing them is trying to get them to understand the court will not make me agree to the terms they want.   StepMom says she has rights because child is as much hers as ours.  She emailed that she is willing to go to court to make this happen.  I have the feeling that court is the course of action that needs to be taken.  Current orders will be what we go by.

SimplyDad--  Good advice, I asked for the information and have heard nothing back since.  Lol

[Simplydad]

She then sent an email to daughter's account, thru Dad's email, saying she was overreacting and needed to be grown up about this and understand StepMom can make the decisions on his behalf and signed it with his name.  The reason we know it was her, Dad is offshore and does not have electronic communication.

This is just laughable.  It is as if they will try to do anything to convince you to do what they want. 

Now Dad can have stepmon act on his behalf on anythng he wants. All he has to do is give a power of attorny........BUT.....there is not a single legal document that I know of that will allow dad to grant stepmom permission to act on his behalf as it pertains to the parent/child relationship. Now I do know that a NCP can designate a competent adult to pick a child up and return the child on their behalf.  That is all they can do. They are not authorized to make any decisions that pertain to the child. That right belong to the parents alone.

StepMom says she has rights because child is as much hers as ours.  She emailed that she is willing to go to court to make this happen. 

Tell her good luck with that.  She can't even file a motion before the court.

SimplyDad--  Good advice, I asked for the information and have heard nothing back since.  Lol

Glad I could help. I have learned that if you call someone's bluff the truth will eventually come out.

[MixedBag]

"I have learned that if you call someone's bluff the truth will eventually come out"

How true that is -- so you have to be very careful and be ready to follow through on the "I'm going to court" words when they get said or written.

[ocean]

Exactly...she can not file ANYTHING in court without your ex's signature and HE would have to be there. SHE is not even allowed in court room unless she is testifying. Even if he was around it is really to late to get anything court ordered for this summer...

Block the email for now and give dad a new email to use that you control and print out. She is very young to do email herself anyway.
No contact at all with step mother or her "lawyer". Now I am convinced that this person is not a lawyer. Send a registered letter to dad to call you when he gets back to discuss the next visitation and that this is between you and HIM and will not be discussing this situation with anyone else.

What does it say on paper now about when he is away?