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Messages - Apple

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21
General Issues / Re: A few more questions about being nice
« on: Apr 18, 2012, 08:50:59 AM »
Do you have a singed lease or rental agreement with you wife's family? 
 
Contact the local athorities and ask them.  I'm curious to know too.
 
 

22
General Issues / Charging interest...
« on: Apr 18, 2012, 06:16:01 AM »
If DH has to pay a retainer on BM’s behalf (for a Parenting Consultant, CO to use – BM doesn’t have the $), is it reasonable to charge her interest for the ‘loan’?  He has to put it on a CC and we’ll pay interest on the money, can we pass that on to her?

23
Custody Issues / Re: Joint lEGAL cUSTODY violation?
« on: Mar 25, 2012, 04:34:43 PM »
Is it possible to arrange the after school group on days the child is not with BM?  If the after school program interfers with BM time with the child, she should have input into the decision. 
 

24
General Issues / Re: Parenting Consultant
« on: Jan 10, 2012, 05:47:45 PM »
Had our court date last week.  It was quite entertaining.  If you've read my past post you'll know that BM was allowed to change kids school district without DH approval this summer.  She enrolled them in the new school without telling DH.  The PC had ruled that kids stay put school-wise.  BM filed to have that decision reversed, and got her way.  It was a shock to us, our attorney, and the PC. 
 
So fast foward to court last week.  Keep in mind we were just in court in August for the school decision.  The judge opens the hearing with "I'm going to begin this hearing with a quote to Mrs. BM.  Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."  I almost started laughing.  I'm pretty sure BM doesn't know what that phrase means.  Judge continued with, "I bent over backwards for you in the school decision."  He then told BM and said he was going to leave the courtroom for 10 minutes.  And in that time if a PC wasn't picked, he'd pick it and also make some other judgements. 
 
So, there really wasn't a discussion about the PC.  It was pretty clear it wasn't up for discussion.  BM of course whined she couldn't afford it.  Attorney was able to mention that BM recently told DH, BM is planning on taking the kids to Disney World this summer.   ;D   Attorney commented to the judge it's not a lack of money, but a lack of priorities.   We were also filing for attorney's fees...
 
Never had a good time in family court, but this came close.

25
General Issues / Re: holidays
« on: Dec 04, 2011, 02:52:24 PM »
Generally holidays are split so it's somewhat even.  Our order alternates major holidays each year.  If all familes live near enough some split Christmas between eve and day.  For Christmas we have the kids Christmas eve until 10am Christmas day.   
 
If you have a good realtionship with the other parent an open agreement can be nice.  Regadless, I sugggest using email to document what is decided.  If only to ensure everyone is on the same page.  Nail down exchange times and place too.   
 
Once you decide on a schedule I suggest offically adding it to your order.  That way if the relationship deteriorates you're protected.  I mention this from experience.  We had an open agreement and the bio mom was impossible to deal with.  We were at her mercy.  Once we got the schedule in the order bio dad's time was protected. 

26
General Issues / Re: Parenting Consultant
« on: Nov 30, 2011, 05:53:15 AM »
There is already an order in place, but the PC is used for all issues BM and DH can't agree on (even issues already addressed in the order i.e. changing exchange place/time).  DH and BM used the PC to decide what schools the kids will attend (did that twice, the 2nd time BM had the decision overturned by a judge), make up time for DH when BM withheld the kids last year, pick up locations, clarify holidays.  PC also met with BM when we learned from the kids that step dad and BM were slapping the girls in the mouth. 
 
Basically the PC can decide any issue not related to CS, and the PC can not change custody.
 
An example of a current issue we need a PC for, oldest SD lied to DH this weekend about having homework.  BM emailed DH complaining daughter didn't get her work done.  DH wants to speak to daughter about lying to him but BM turns off the ringers in her house so no one answers the phone.  She aknowleges DH is trying to get a hold of daughter and claims the phones didn't work, but BM didn't have daughter contact DH either, so...  DH wants to establish specific phone contact rules. 
 
It's stuff like this that goes on and on and unless BM has specific rules she'll find a way to disrupt things. 

27
General Issues / Parenting Consultant
« on: Nov 29, 2011, 08:00:46 AM »
Does anyone have experince with a Parenting Consultant?  In DH divorce they are required to use a PC before bringing issues to court. 
 
They had one for the last 16 months or so, but BM refused to follow the PC decision after about 14 months.  BM filed in court to have the PC removed, she was denined.  The PC then resigned becuase she felt she was ineffective (and really she was since BM wouldn't communicate with her).
 
In the 8 page agreement BM and DH signed with the previous PC, there is a clause about choosing a new PC when/if needed.  The current PC sends a list of 5 names and BM and DH go back and forth stricking names until one is left.  BM refused to participate.
 
DH's attorney filed for a hearing for a PC to be appointed (court date in January).  BM will be pro se.  BM is telling DH she can not be forced to spend money on a PC and will not ever use one again. 
 
It's very clear to me (and any sane person) that BM and DH need a PC.  Mediation won't work because BM will walk away and change her mind.  A PC's decision is court binding after two weeks if a motion to vacate the decision wasn't filed in court. 
 
I'm very concerned that BM will get away with not using a PC.  How can the courts force her to use one?  She is low-income (by choice), and we've offered to pay her part if she pays us $10 a month back.  BM wouldn't do it. 

28
General Issues / Re: Court date interfers with parenting time?
« on: Nov 15, 2011, 06:49:10 PM »
Yes, if we go that route we'll request the make up night before the court date, been there...
 
I'm going to pass all this to DH and see what he thinks.  We may give the information to his attorney to get her opinion too.
 
Have to laugh at the irony of this.  This type of situation is EXACTLY why they need the parenting consultant.    :o
 
Thanks everyone! 

29
General Issues / Re: Court date interfers with parenting time?
« on: Nov 13, 2011, 06:43:03 PM »
I like your suggestion Ocean.  I'll relay it to DH. 
 
Driving is not on the table at this point - we're going to court to have a Parenting Consultant appointed.  DH hasn't missed a Thursday with the kids, but it's only because he refuses to give in to BM's requests.  Regarding the driving in a nut shell,  BM moved about an hour away this past summer.  The exchange point at the time was in the other direction, so DH argeed to move it towards BM, but us driving the same distance.  This mean BM is driving further than she was before she moved.  But, she moved (without telling DH), so DH doesn't feel too sorry for her.   
 
Davy, we always follow the agreement (unless both parties agree to a change, which rarely happens).  And you are exactly right, she will nit pick no matter what. 

30
General Issues / Re: Court date interfers with parenting time?
« on: Nov 13, 2011, 09:34:37 AM »
I agree we don't want to postpone court over this, but it's another example of BM not giving much weight to DH's time with their kids.  BM's first response to conflict on Thursdays is to have DH miss his night.  If we didn't push back DH would have lost about 4 Thursdays of the last 8. 
 
BM recently moved farther away from DH and now BM has to drive much further to the exchange point.  From what we've gathered, it really annoys her and she seems to be trying to get rid of Thursdays altogether. 
 
Is BM obligated to find a way to get the kids to the exchange?  In the last 3 years or so she's only been to maybe half of them anyway, it's usually step dad.  But I get that he's not obligated to do it. 
 
Court's at 3pm, youngest doesn't get out of school until 4pm, so bringing them with her is not an option.  If she continues to fight it I'm going to suggest DH ask about switching nights that week.

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