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Messages - twistedtmama

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Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 27, 2011, 04:33:45 AM »
I do faciliate the relationship don't get how your not saying I am not, he is free to take my son whenever he wants, I just cannot do the transporting because I do not have a license, so obviously if I don't have a license I cannot operate a vehicle. And just because I don't feel comfortable with him coming to my home doesn't mean I am not faciiliating the relationship, he wants visitation in my home, but is dictating and saying he doesn't want my dh there during the visitation, he cannot say my dh cannot come home to a home that he pays for.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 26, 2011, 08:03:48 PM »
Bio dad is the one who moved an hr away due to his step father kicking him out, he was refusing to pay his step dad any rent money so step dad had enough and kicked him out so he went to go live with his dad. And yes he has a car. His reason for staying at my house is because he doesn't want to have to spend money on my son when he has him, and yes this did come right out of his mouth. Trust me he can afford it, he lives with his dad rent free, pays no bills, and his dad gives him gas money, his dad lets him keep his pay check he chooses to blow 200 dollars a week on drinks at the club or buy himself new outfits, so it's not like he cannot afford it.
I have offered many options regarding my sons birthday, his birthday party doesn't start until 4pm, so I offered him 9am to 4pm when the birthday starts, this was not good enough for bio dad. He said he either wants to get invited to the birthday party, or he wanted to have him the whole day, I told him both of his requests were not possible. One thing I will not do is give him money to bring his son out to breakfast if he wants to take my son to breakfast he will have to pay for it, I am not going to pay for his visitation time. he pays me 39 dollars a week and half the time I don't receive child support, so I really cannot afford to fund his parenting time.
He can take him back to his town if he wants, I am not going to tell him where he can and cannot take him during his visitation time. I really cannot offer to meet him half way, when he moved we put into the co that he is responsible for all transportation for the fact that I never have driven so he agreed to doing all transportation. When he lived in my town my mother would take me to drop off my son.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 26, 2011, 05:13:50 PM »
Actually I do have a clear conscience. I bent over backwards for a long time let him get away with a lot, I would call him and remind him of visitation, I would do everything above and beyond my job to faciliate the relationship I would pack the extra clothes if needed and toys, and I would even provide my car seat, usually when he lived in our town my family would drive my son over to his fathers for visitation. Also when his step father tried running my sons bio dad over with a truck my family and I opened our doors for him to have visitation in our home, so I did bend over backwards, but I pretty much got tired of being taken advantage of, faciliating and getting taken advantage of are two different things.
I have always encouraged my son to see his father, after he moved an hr away I would always have my son ready for his visitation I would show up to the drop off location and he doesn't show up. I won't supply outfits because he would take my outfits and give them to my nephew I would not receive my outfits back so I stopped sending outfits, also he ruined my 200 dollar car seat I had to buy a whole new one. I make sure my son calls his bio dad at least once a week, my son leaves voice mails and bio dad never returns them, so honestly I have done all I can to faciliate the relationship.
Now he is saying he only wants to take visitation, if I can either transport my son an hr away or let him come to my home for visitation, neither one is an option, if he wants to take his visitation he needs to find a place to go with my son. I will help the relationship along but I am not going to do the work for him.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 25, 2011, 04:58:33 PM »
If I should bend over backwards to make sure the father is in my sons life, then what do you think bio fathers responsibility should be? Just curious because Its not only my job.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 24, 2011, 10:08:52 AM »
I don't see how I am preventing him from seeing my son, my job as a custodial parent is to make my son available for his visitation. Not to bend over backwards honestly it takes two if he isn't willing to do his part for his vistation then I am not doing all the work.
When my son was a yr old I provided all the clothes, sent him with toys, even called him to see when he wanted to see his son, he would never return outfits or anything so I had to go out every month and spend 300-400 a month replacing everything, that wasn't returned I just couldn't afford to do that so I added in the co that he is to supply things, he says its a waste of money to go out and buy all that stuff, so its his fault why he doesn't see his son, because he won't go out and buy things he would rather go out and booze at the club.
He wants to come to my house to have visitation, but he doesn't want my dh there so I told him no not happening. He is more than welcome to take my son whenever he wants as long as he can provide for him during the visits.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 24, 2011, 05:47:53 AM »
Actually your wrong where I live you can sign your rights away if their is a step parenting willing to adopt the child, I know this because I asked a LAWYER. Like I said I am not telling my son he has to call bio dad, dad when he doesn't even want to be in my sons life. Sorry not doing that to my son. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean your right.

General Issues / Re: joint parties and holidays
« on: Jul 23, 2011, 05:35:45 PM »
I am not denying the father from seeing him. He is more than welcome to come pick him up and throw his own party with his own family. He has asked many times to take him and you know what he never shows up.
Also his family and my family do not get along so it wouldn't be best to have him and his family there. He is more than welcome to take my ds at any time and throw his own party. I am having my sons party at my family's house and they are not welcome there, because of all the things they have done. I am not pretending to paint a false picture in my sons head that we are one big happy family when we are not, we haven't been together since my son was a month old he is now turning 5.
Only way I want to deal with bio jerk is during drop offs I do not want him around me celebrating holidays. So then my son can just have his day ruined and feel the tension between my family and his family my son does not deserve that.
I refuse to bend over backwards to suit him I have before in the past and I got taken advantage of. His family and my family together will just make everyone really uncomfortable. Only reason why they want to go is because bio is too cheap to throw his own party.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 23, 2011, 05:31:02 PM »
I am not alienating him. He doesn't show up for his court ordered visitation, or anything doesn't come around himself so the only one who is preventing him from having a relationship with my ds is himself. I am not going to chase him down and beg him to have a relationship with my ds. The first year of my sons life I did that. I would call him and ask him when does he want to see his child, and I would try to work with him and he would never show up.
And yes he is bringing up school issues and things, but the thing is he takes me to court or asks me for all these things and never shows up for the time or things he asks for. Maybe if he wants to be a father he should show up. He doesn't even call him on the phone. I am not going to stop my son from calling my dh daddy. I mean I see your point of view you may think I am wrong everyone can have their own opinion. I don't see me as being wrong.
There is a lot more to being a dad than donating your sperm thats just my opinion, if I were absent in my sons life and bio dad was raising him and the step mom was being called mom, I would understand and would only blame myself, because I would be the one who chose to be absent from my sons life. At first I tried correcting my son from calling dh dad, but he would throw a fit and cry, I am not going to put my son through that. Also bio dad has threatened to sign his rights over before dh was in the picture, someone who threatens to sign over their parental rights is a parent who doe not love their child and does not deserve the title of daddy.
Someone who loves their child would want to see their child and be in their life. He threatens all the time to sign his rights over but he doesn't want to have to pay the 150 to sign them over.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 23, 2011, 10:22:16 AM »
It isn't hurting my son at all thanks for your opinion though it is appreciated.

Second Families / Re: what are step parents called?
« on: Jul 23, 2011, 04:26:44 AM »
My son called his sf dad on his own. So I am not going to push the subject on him calling his dad, daddy. He has seen my son maybe 20 times in his whole life, and he doesn't do crap for him. If I was absent most of the time in my sons life I would Understand why I wasn't being called mom.

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