what are step parents called?

[twistedtmama]

My son called his sf dad on his own. So I am not going to push the subject on him calling his dad, daddy. He has seen my son maybe 20 times in his whole life, and he doesn't do crap for him. If I was absent most of the time in my sons life I would Understand why I wasn't being called mom.

[MixedBag]

Textbook Divorce Poison answer....and logic.

You really need to get that book before you continue to hurt your son.

I don't think your line of thinking will be supported well here on that particular subject -- maybe on a board with only Moms, but definitely not here.

Dad and Father are the ONLY two words for him.

Then you get to add adjectives to describe his lack of stepping up to the plate.

[twistedtmama]

It isn't hurting my son at all thanks for your opinion though it is appreciated.

[gemini3]

It isn't hurting my son at all thanks for your opinion though it is appreciated.

twistedtmama, it IS hurting your son.  You just don't see it yet because he is so young. 

Having (or "allowing") your child call his father by his first name, and call someone else dad, is classic parental alienation.  In addition to the books MixedBag suggestion, I would suggest "Breaking The Ties That Bind" by Amy Baker, PhD.  It contains numerous accounts from children who were alienated from one of their parents, and how that alienation has affected them.  The two things that we are discussing here are common strategies of alienating parents. 

Please understand that I am not attacking you - I am advocating for your son, and hoping you will see what harm you are causing him with this.  I know that you wouldn't hurt him on purpose.  That's why we're telling you this, so that you don't hurt him without realizing the effects all this will have on him.
Here are the outcomes you can expect your son to experience as a result of being alienated from his father:

- 70% of alienated children experience depression
- 65% of alienated children experience low self-esteem
- 50% are alienated from their own childen
- 40% experience a lack of trust in themselves and others
- 35% develop drug and alcohol problems

What you should understand is that, no matter what you think of his father, it's IS his father, and he needs that relationship.  He NEEDS to feel that he is loved by his father.  His real father.  And, maybe his father is a low-life jerk who won't step up and do what he should for his son.  There's nothing you can do about that.  But, by alienating him, YOU are causing your son harm IN ADDITION to the harm his father is already causing him.  And there is something you can do about that.  I get that you're angry with his father.  But, in my opinion, hurting the child you love and cherish because you're angry at his dad is a pretty dumb thing to do. 

Like I said, I'm sure that you love your son.  I know you wouldn't willingly cause him harm and, when you see that your actions are hurting him, you will take the steps to change so that your son has the best chance possible for a happy life when he becomes a man.  There are lots of ways you can deal with the hurt and anger you are feeling without harming your son.  We have all been there, and know how hard it is, and we can help with suggestions on what you can do.  But you have to love your child more than you hate your ex.

[gemini3]

My son called his sf dad on his own. So I am not going to push the subject on him calling his dad, daddy. He has seen my son maybe 20 times in his whole life, and he doesn't do crap for him. If I was absent most of the time in my sons life I would Understand why I wasn't being called mom.

BTW... you've posted other threads saying that your ex is fighting you on school issues because it interferes with his visitation, and that he's arguing with you because he wants to be involved with son's birthday party, but you won't allow it.  Something isn't adding up for me.

[twistedtmama]

I am not alienating him. He doesn't show up for his court ordered visitation, or anything doesn't come around himself so the only one who is preventing him from having a relationship with my ds is himself. I am not going to chase him down and beg him to have a relationship with my ds. The first year of my sons life I did that. I would call him and ask him when does he want to see his child, and I would try to work with him and he would never show up.

And yes he is bringing up school issues and things, but the thing is he takes me to court or asks me for all these things and never shows up for the time or things he asks for. Maybe if he wants to be a father he should show up. He doesn't even call him on the phone. I am not going to stop my son from calling my dh daddy. I mean I see your point of view you may think I am wrong everyone can have their own opinion. I don't see me as being wrong.

There is a lot more to being a dad than donating your sperm thats just my opinion, if I were absent in my sons life and bio dad was raising him and the step mom was being called mom, I would understand and would only blame myself, because I would be the one who chose to be absent from my sons life. At first I tried correcting my son from calling dh dad, but he would throw a fit and cry, I am not going to put my son through that. Also bio dad has threatened to sign his rights over before dh was in the picture, someone who threatens to sign over their parental rights is a parent who doe not love their child and does not deserve the title of daddy.

Someone who loves their child would want to see their child and be in their life. He threatens all the time to sign his rights over but he doesn't want to have to pay the 150 to sign them over.

[gemini3]

A person can't just sign away their parental rights.  There are laws prohibiting it.  So it has nothing to do with having to pay $150. 

Also, why would he bother going to court if he had no interest in the child and isn't exercising his visitation?  The first thing the judge is going to say is that he's not exercising his visitation.  And he has to pay for the pleasure of appearing before the court.  Which, according to what you say, he doesn't want to even spend $150 to be rid of his child - why would he spend more than that to continue to ask the court for things he supposedly doesn't want anyway.

Your kid screamed and cried when you tried to keep him from calling DH dad?  I've never heard of that, but maybe he did.  Regardless, if your kid pitches a fit because he doesn't want to go to school, are you going to let him stay home?  Or are you going to make him go because that's what's best for him? 

Sorry, the things you're saying don't ring true. 

[Davy]

" Someone who loves their child would want to see their child and be in their life. "

There are many fathers across this nation that deeply love their child and fought desperately to be in their life but are not in their life because some mothers are of the ilk to INTENTIONALLY  and  PURPOSEFULLY further DAMAGE the child whenever the father demands a continued relationship with the child.

So are you posting for your own self justification, guilt, expecting a reward for father bashing ??   What is your need or purpose ??

[Kitty C.]

I agree 100%, Davy.....


'I am not going to stop my son from calling my dh daddy. I mean I see your point of view you may think I am wrong everyone can have their own opinion. I don't see me as being wrong.'

Of course YOU don't see YOU being wrong.....YOU are the only one you're worried about right now.

But 20 years from now, will your son see you as being wrong?   I'd bet money on it...........


There are so many issues that you have contradicted yourself on that it's hard to believe anything you say to begin with.  So if you want to continue showing your hatred for your ex with total disregard to your child, do it somewhere else.  This website and forum are about the need for children to have BOTH parents in their lives as much as possible.  You seem bound and determined to wipe the father completely out of the child's life, regardless of any efforts he may be attempting otherwise.  Your child has my sympathies..........

[twistedtmama]

Actually your wrong where I live you can sign your rights away if their is a step parenting willing to adopt the child, I know this because I asked a LAWYER. Like I said I am not telling my son he has to call bio dad, dad when he doesn't even want to be in my sons life. Sorry not doing that to my son. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean your right.