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two challenges with that.
1.  I can't reference that I had a text exchange with my son.  She will go off the deep end,  get very upset with him and give him the cold shoulder for at a minimum 2 months.
2.  She told him she refuses to e-mail me.

in one of the last exchanges, she said she was not going to send them to camp.  I'm still waiting on an e-mail back from her confirming that she is sending them to camp so I can pay my share.  sent that one to her this morning and have still not received a response.  So I don't feel like piling on anything more at the moment.

And so the saga continues:

Leading up to the below text between myself and my 12 year old are several e-mails between my Ex. and I.  I discussed the first one on child support forum. http://deltabravo.net/forum/index.php?topic=43576.0  As a follow up to her desire to have me overpay for camp she then e-mailed me and wanted me to take the kids every weekday in the summer and give her weekends so they would not have to go to camp at all.  I explained that I was happy to take them but not willing to give up my weekends.  She told me my priorities were screwed up and that she would not make that agreement.    She then tried to tell me that because I would not agree that she assumed I did not want them at all.  Obviously, I explained how assumptions work. 

Well on to this weekend.  I took earlier advice and had my 7 year old ask her if they could stay this weekend until Monday morning.  She told him no then decided to text my 12 year old and tell him it was okay for them to stay.

on to today at 3:30pm and the following text string between my 12 you old son (S) and I (M)

(S) Call me asap
I call him and he explains that the weeks his brothers are going to day camp mom wants him to stay with me.  I ask him for clarification since his brothers are going to day camp for 3 weeks.    He hangs up and the following text string ensues.
(S) She wants me to stay for every week In the summer
(M) Stay with me?
(S)Yea
(S)If I want to
(S) I guess it's flexible
(M) What do your brothers think about that
(S) Doesn't apply to them
(M) And you won't see them?  What do you think about that?
(S) Ehh
(S)I can switch between houses
(M)So it's not all or nothing?  I think that's what she means No
(S) I'm aloud to switch between houses
(M)Also I have work travel planned on some of the weeks I'm not with you
(S)Ok
(S)Well the schedule is flexible
(M) I think it's best to have mom email me to work it out so there is no confusion
You know it's been a little challenging for her and I to come to an agreement I would love to have you and brothers here more but I can't change plans every couple of days
(S) Ok
(M) Plus it's not good for you to have to be the middle man
(S) Ok
(M)I am very excited about the possibility
(S)Ok
(S)She won't email
(M)That's unfortunate and may make planning things difficult and even impossible
(S) Ok
(S)TTYL
(M)Yes for sure love you and we will work it out

All that keeps running through my head is WT@ - she is going off the deep end - my 12 year old is more mature than his mother

Any suggestions?

the only thing in the order is 1/2 of reasonable costs.  that said in an e-mail exchange with her yesterday she stated that she also got a week of camp for free which would have been $350 but decided that she was not going to ask me to pay 1/2 for that.  My response was there is no difference between getting a week for free and a discounted week.  I'm not paying half of free period.  That would open up pandora's box so to speak.  Basically any discount she gets on anything I have to pay I would have to pay 1/2 of the list value.  makes no sense to me.  But I'm not a judge or a lawyer

So my ex just sent me a doctored bill for camp for a week.  Her bill says she paid $350.  I called the camp they sent me a bill that showed she paid $200... I called her on it and her response was that she is entitled to 1/2 of the full amount because the discount for low-income goes to her share.  our agreement states 50% of reasonable costs.  Now she is threatening to take me to court.  seems insane to me but just running a gut check.

I ended up taking Ocean's advice.  I told my kids that I had to cancel the vacation unless mom kept her promise and was sure to explain to them that mom must have other plans that conflicted and it was unfortunate.   This was last Thursday when I had them.  Kids have big ears and figure it out pretty quickly.  My older two responded that she did not have plans and that she was mad at me and overheard her telling her friends what an asshole I am.  I can confirm that taking the high road on this stuff is the right way to go because my 11 years old then said "Dad how come you never say anything bad about mom, she says bad stuff about you all the time"

Thursday evening I get an email from my ex telling me what a horrible person I am because I manipulated the kids and told them that she canceled the vacation and that she never said she was going to.  I then saw the boys at sports practice a little later and they explained that they made a stink about it.  Needless to say, they were very happy that they were still able to go.

Mixed bag - I agree that as the kids get older their needs change that said the boys still want to spend time with their dad.   Last year my oldest came to me and told me that my ex yells at him and sends him to his room if he asks for more time with me.  I told him not to ask anymore and that it was an adult issue, unfortunately,  now my ex. makes a point of telling me every chance she gets that the kids don't ask for more time because they want to spend time with friends.  And the only one that wants more time is me and it's selfish.   So when I saw them this weekend I told them I would like to spend more time with them and was sure to state clearly that If they did not want to spend more time it was fine and emphasized that what was most important was for them to be happy.  The two older ones came out and said they are going to ask for more time because they really want it and they don't care if they get yelled at.  Low and behold when I spoke with them last night they said they got yelled at for asking.    Any thoughts on how to deal with this problem?

yes, I got them phones and talk and text with them all the time.   I'm thinking I stand the best chance of getting her to keep to her side of the bargain by telling the boys exactly what you said.  The part that sucks is that they are now going to be involved and feel her anger not to mention they will probably recognize they are being used by me to get this done.
E-mailing her won't work.  I see them tomorrow and can also just talk to them about it.

Honestly, I think they will probably be okay with her anger because they have been looking forward to this trip all year.

That is my intent - what stinks is that the kids will now get involved but I really don't see any other option.  Other than lying to the kids and telling them something like their uncle had to work so we can't visit this year.  that said they have known about this trip for a long time and talk to their cousins all the time so the only thing that is going to do is get me caught in a lie.

Here is a saying I have on my screen saver and office wall:
"life is made up of Moments - Moments create days  - Days create Months- Months create Years - Years create Life -  Lose the moment lose life!

What this means to me as it relates to my children is to focus on making as many memorable moments with my kids as I can.  My ex constantly tells me that the children don't want to spend time with me because they want to spend time with their friends.   I know for a fact that this is not the truth as every time I am with them we do something really fun such as going camping,  mountain biking, rock climbing, or adventures such as going to the local Asian supermarket picking out the strangest ingredient and making it.  I also make sure to include their friends in some of our activities, for example, tomorrow after school we are taking one of their friend's mountain biking with us. 

My ex. schedules events on my time often.  Even threatening to bring me to court if I don't bring them to a soccer game etc.  I make sure to be as involved in those activities as possible.  She does not tell me about any events I simply figure out who the coach is and ask to be included on e-mail strings etc. 

What memorable moments do you make with your child?

She knows this is not part of the court order so there is nothing I can do about it. She is also not a very nice person so sending her an e-mail threatening her in any manner will just make her happy that she is getting to me.    At the moment she is very angry with me because she was fired from work and having money troubles and in her words I only pay the minimum I owe for child support.

What I want to send her is the following.

XXXX


"Please explain to the children that they will not be going on vacation this summer with their cousins or I will let them know why they are not going" 


This type of action has been the only thing that has worked in the past.  i.e. the soccer gear.  Unfortunately, this does somehow wind it's way to the children but I have had no choice.  That said, in the beginning, the boys hated me for several months.  When I finally got them to tell me why they told me all about how I was not giving mom any money.  I finally broke down and showed them copies of the checks I sent her.  Along with some e-mails between here and I dealing with the issue.  The boys and I had a long talk and everything was fine after that.

Her go-to excuse for changing things is that the children are happy with the time that they spend with me and it's more important that they spend time with friends and that they don't really want to spend time with dad and never request more time.  Which does not align with what my kids say to me every time they leave my house which is " ahh can't we spend more time"  My oldest (12) came to me a couple of months ago and told me that he does not ask her for more time with me because he is scared that she will get mad.  My response was don't ask it's an adult issue.

All that said I'm sure if I send the above e-mail I will likely get her to cave because she knows the kids will be very upset with her. 

Looking for opinions.

I get my kids two weeks per summer. In March my ex. agreed to extend one of my weeks by 4 days along with me agreeing to give her memorial day and labor day. (this was all agreed to in e-mail) She has now changed her mind and decided to stick to the court order. I had planned to visit with Family out of state which I do every year. The problem is that my relatives already paid for plane tickets and they are non-refundable. My kids were looking forward to this trip.

THe last time something like this happened my ex. decided that the kids soccer equipment she buys them is not going to come to my house. I finally explained to her that if she did not send it she could explain to them why they were not going to play soccer on my time. she relented and sent the shoes etc.. My children did find out about this through her and I know they just didn't want to have to hear about it.

What should I do about the fact that they are not going to go on vacation?