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Messages - itsalluphillfromhere

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Chit Chat / Re: child activities during the other parents time
« on: May 31, 2017, 03:13:39 PM »
Here is a saying I have on my screen saver and office wall:
"life is made up of Moments - Moments create days  - Days create Months- Months create Years - Years create Life -  Lose the moment lose life!

What this means to me as it relates to my children is to focus on making as many memorable moments with my kids as I can.  My ex constantly tells me that the children don't want to spend time with me because they want to spend time with their friends.   I know for a fact that this is not the truth as every time I am with them we do something really fun such as going camping,  mountain biking, rock climbing, or adventures such as going to the local Asian supermarket picking out the strangest ingredient and making it.  I also make sure to include their friends in some of our activities, for example, tomorrow after school we are taking one of their friend's mountain biking with us. 

My ex. schedules events on my time often.  Even threatening to bring me to court if I don't bring them to a soccer game etc.  I make sure to be as involved in those activities as possible.  She does not tell me about any events I simply figure out who the coach is and ask to be included on e-mail strings etc. 

What memorable moments do you make with your child?

She knows this is not part of the court order so there is nothing I can do about it. She is also not a very nice person so sending her an e-mail threatening her in any manner will just make her happy that she is getting to me.    At the moment she is very angry with me because she was fired from work and having money troubles and in her words I only pay the minimum I owe for child support.

What I want to send her is the following.


"Please explain to the children that they will not be going on vacation this summer with their cousins or I will let them know why they are not going" 

This type of action has been the only thing that has worked in the past.  i.e. the soccer gear.  Unfortunately, this does somehow wind it's way to the children but I have had no choice.  That said, in the beginning, the boys hated me for several months.  When I finally got them to tell me why they told me all about how I was not giving mom any money.  I finally broke down and showed them copies of the checks I sent her.  Along with some e-mails between here and I dealing with the issue.  The boys and I had a long talk and everything was fine after that.

 Her go-to excuse for changing things is that the children are happy with the time that they spend with me and it's more important that they spend time with friends and that they don't really want to spend time with dad and never request more time.  Which does not align with what my kids say to me every time they leave my house which is " ahh can't we spend more time"  My oldest (12) came to me a couple of months ago and told me that he does not ask her for more time with me because he is scared that she will get mad.  My response was don't ask it's an adult issue.

All that said I'm sure if I send the above e-mail I will likely get her to cave because she knows the kids will be very upset with her. 

Looking for opinions.

I get my kids two weeks per summer. In March my ex. agreed to extend one of my weeks by 4 days along with me agreeing to give her memorial day and labor day. (this was all agreed to in e-mail) She has now changed her mind and decided to stick to the court order. I had planned to visit with Family out of state which I do every year. The problem is that my relatives already paid for plane tickets and they are non-refundable. My kids were looking forward to this trip.

THe last time something like this happened my ex. decided that the kids soccer equipment she buys them is not going to come to my house. I finally explained to her that if she did not send it she could explain to them why they were not going to play soccer on my time. she relented and sent the shoes etc.. My children did find out about this through her and I know they just didn't want to have to hear about it.

What should I do about the fact that they are not going to go on vacation?

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