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Author Topic: I am ready for staying sane suggestions.  (Read 4043 times)


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I am ready for staying sane suggestions.
« on: Dec 19, 2006, 06:00:20 PM »
Not sure what "shrink wrap" is, but since the subject is sanity, I'm hoping this is in the right place.  

Only 4 months into this, (I'm the nervous grandma), I'm struggling already with the anxiety component to custody/visitation/crazy BM/ scenario.  

Those of you who are experienced with the emotional rollercoaster this brings to your life must have learned to pace yourselves by now.  That is what I need to learn to do.  I'm finding the anxiety overwhelming at times, really interfering with the good parts of my life.  We have so much to be thankful for, our other 4 adult kids doing well, and other grandchildren whom we have plenty of access to.  I thank God daily for these blessings...

I'd love to hear some mental health and emotional health tips from some of you.   Maybe this subject has already been covered??    I'm ready to get this anxiety under control and LIVE my life while still being a supportive parent/grandparent.  


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That is a tough one
« Reply #1 on: Dec 20, 2006, 08:41:00 AM »
My theory is, no matter how many massages I could get or hours in the gym I log, initailly there is no way that my mind would be at ease when things get quiet.

I honestly think I have gotten burned out from all of it over the years. I care and I stress but I don't get as consumed by it as I used to . I think your body just eventually gets used to it.

The best thing to do, in my opinion is recognize that you can not do anything more than be a good grandma and supportive mom. Be a good example for your gkid and do what you can to show your son in the best light possible and his ex (that is the hard part).

If you are religious, that could be a comfort to you in knowing that there is God's plan. I am not, so I can't talk further on that but I know it is a great comfort to some.

Another thing I think of is how aweful kids around the world are suffering. Orphans all over Africa due to AIDS and Starving children and hurt Children in Iraq all the poor kids at the Ronald McDonal Houses. Suffering is so realtive. Maybe if you feel left out from helping your own gchild you could spend some time with other kids.

Best wishes, you will be OK

Wisconsin Mom

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At four months you are just beginning.
« Reply #2 on: Dec 30, 2006, 11:34:08 PM »
If your grandkids are little ones, this is going to be quite a long ride.  Situations are going to arise that you cannot even imagine right now.  

Read the other forums here.  Knowing that you are not alone is a huge help.  Know your state laws and know your son's wishes.   I've been a non-custodial step mom for over 11 years and it's been quite a bumpy ride.

Cherish any moments you have together.  However, there are so many things that are out of your control and you will need to learn to "let go" of a lot.

Good luck.


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RE: At four months you are just beginning.
« Reply #3 on: Jan 17, 2007, 03:16:16 PM »
The greatest advice that I can give to someone in this position is to just do what you truly feel is right. That way you can go to bed at night and know that you did what you could and everything else is not in your hands. Do not pressure yourself over things that are out of your control. Take a vacation!
Good luck!


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RE: I am ready for staying sane suggestions.
« Reply #4 on: Sep 13, 2007, 02:12:01 PM »
I hav been using SPARc asa support off and on for over 6 years now.  The first few months were very traumatic for me; I was facing a RO, my son who is very attached to me was traumatized, and I had to go pre se into my fight.

One thing that helped me was to use my experience from high school football  for perspective.  As a father in a hostile environment, it was like being on my own 10 yard line, down by 6 points.  Going for the long pass was untinkable; all I could do was grind out yards one play at a time, and to keep getting first downs.  Eventually I would be in position to score a toucdown, which I did. It took three years, but I ended up with a decent custody order that gave me 2 out of three weekends and every Wednesday evening.  

Throught these many years, my child's mother has done many things to try to disturb me.  At times she has succeeded.  But I recall what a counsleor had told me during my first month of this ordeal, when i was using my employers help line to deal with the issue of my ex's tardy arrivals and no shopws for custodial periods.  The counselor told me to stay focused on thinsg that were in  my control, and to not let the things I had no control over prevent me from exceling in the things I had control over.  It still works to bear that distinction in mind.

I sometime have used the analogy of a serious childhood illness, and the trials such an illness would bring to me as a parent.  It is my role to help my child in his fight for health and happiness, and to not let the tragedy he is facing destroy his chances for a happy life.  The rest is just part of being alive: all this joy and suffering mixed in some indescribable tale of beauty and wonder.  My son deserves the heritage of this perspective, and it is my never-ending goal to see that he gets it.


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