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Author Topic: And what would you do?  (Read 3362 times)

I cry_ in_the_dark

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And what would you do?
« on: Oct 30, 2004, 11:31:09 AM »
You're kids have been repeatedly told that if you so much as look at them cross-eyed, you'll go to jail for abuse.

They treat you as a waiter, a maid, or a cook. Do this, do that, get me this, get me that.

At times, you often think you'd rather not be involved in any of it. You're a piece of dirt.
But at the same time, you know that you're kids love you with all of their heart. It's a struggle every single time you have to return them. They don't want to go. They refuse to call it home.

You've spent a lovely day, doing all kinds of things. Having fun preparing for Halloween. Eating pizza and giggling.  Carving pumpkins. Preparing costumes. Then out of the blue...
You don't hear what it was your child asked of you. You say, "What was that you said honey?" And you're told...

"If you can't hear...clean the SHnIT out of your ears!"

Later on, you're told that a hair dryer is needed. You advise as to where it is.  And you're told...
"Get off your fat ass and get it!"

Do you get off your fat ass and return them to where this was learned?


ocean

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RE: And what would you do?
« Reply #1 on: Oct 30, 2004, 01:19:58 PM »
I am not in your shoes but I would not put up with that type of behavior. You will not go to jail for telling them to get the hair dryer and if they talk like that, then you do not do the special things you were planning to do with them.  You are allowing them to walk on you and you should not.  I maybe would have said. " we do not talk like that in this house, and if you want the dryer, you may get it yourself. It is under the sink...(and then you walk into the kitchen). This way you are not giving a punishment but giving them the control to get it if they want. (?) You can also try to make a general rule that there is no cursing and if they have a good day/weekend they can have computer time, friend, go to dinner, make pizza at home,....reward the good instead of taking away or being forced to punish. Hope this helps a little. Good luck!

I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: And what would you do?
« Reply #2 on: Oct 30, 2004, 11:26:38 PM »
You're right....I do allow them to walk on me. I KNOW I allow it. Why? Because if I don't......."I'll call dad." Plain and simple.

ocean

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Well....
« Reply #3 on: Oct 31, 2004, 07:52:46 AM »
You do not allow them to make "tattle tale" phone calls. They can go home and complain later. I read your other posts about the bus situation. I think maybe things will improve once they know what they are suppose to do and everyone gets on the same page.  In the mean time, have a family meeting, do not bash their father. Just tell them that in order for things to run more smoothly, here is what will happen in your house.  Have them particiapte in the conversation and see what they come up with. What happened this week when you went to the school? Hang in there!! Parenting is a hard job no matter what situation you are in!!!  :)

dsm

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I agree with ocean. Take charge of your house
« Reply #4 on: Nov 02, 2004, 10:35:16 AM »
You are going to hear the 'but dad says ....' and 'but dad lets me do ...' and yes, even, 'if you don't, then I'll tell dad....'

Don't you dare let your children have this power.  YOU are the parent, the adult.  Act it.  You have every right to instill rules, routine, and appropriate behavior in your home.  Granted you cannot control what happens when they are out of your sight/home.  But make it where it is crystal clear that you have expectations, and that if they do not treat you with respect, they get no respect and no privileges.  I know this is hard when you have limited time with them.  But you have to do this and remain consistent.  Otherwise, it will be them running over you - and that is NOT what you want.

Good luck!


==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 17 months
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.


I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: Well....
« Reply #5 on: Nov 02, 2004, 03:39:59 PM »
Lots of things to reply to here:
1. Re: tattle tale phone calls-As per my daughters counselor that I obtained for her when we separated...I did not allow my kids to make the "tattle tale" calls. When they calmed down, they were then allowed to call. I was admonished by the courts for this, as it was a refusal to allow them to call dad "at will", as per the court order! (Now mind you...I wasn't flat out refusing to let them call, they just had to calm down first, as recommended by the counselor!!!)

2. Re: the bus situation- I did in fact write dad a letter telling him of my intentions to pick the kids up at school (this actually will happen tomorrow. Anyone wants to see this letter, I would email it to you.) I received a call from my girl yesterday, telling me that dad refused to allow me to pick her up from school. I told her that it was not something her and I should be discussing, but rather her dad and I. Lo and behold, he actually got on the phone!

He advised me that our daughter made the decision that she did not want to ride the bus to my house as she was afraid she would miss the bus. (This is indeed an issue that I had to deal with last year.) I told him that was not an issue, as I would be picking her up. I then reminded him that I didn't feel it was appropriate for him to be allowing her to make the decisions, after all, it would be him that was in contempt of court, not her (HA)). Our daughter was in the background saying...yes...I want her to pick me up from school, so he agreed.

He stood fast on refusing to let our son ride the bus or let me pick him up. This is a sticky situation, because my son has ADHD. He does in fact need a solid routine, tho in itself, this was a lame excuse on behalf of my X. The X stated that he would instead, deliver our son to my home promptly after school, just as had occured last year. I told him that would be fine, as long as it was in fact PROMPT, and as long as he was delivered with his book bag INTACT from school, so that I can review his school work, because this is the only chance I get to see how he is doing.
(This call was legally recorded, as I advised him via certified letter that all calls to my home would be electronically monitored!)

Do you think I am wrong for giving an inch, considering I do feel it is in the best interest of my son to maintain his routine??? And I did leave the door open with my "demands" that it be prompt and schoolbag intact?

Now...in order to keep this as short as possible...view my newest post with new issues. But thanks for all your input!

 

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