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Author Topic: Am I going about this right?  (Read 1327 times)


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Am I going about this right?
« on: May 26, 2005, 09:59:53 PM »
What a mess I seem to be in. Any advice would be helpful.
My daughter was born to my ex-girlfriend and me 11 years ago. Within a year, we had split up but we were able to come to terms like adults about the issues of raising our daughter. I would pay a set sum of support, help pay medical bills, clothing and when it was time for school, split the cost of that as well. There was no court order. I had signed a paper at the hospital when she was born, I believe this was a "presumed father" affidavit of paternity. Over the years we have managed to keep it together for at least our childs sake through some hard times. I always had my daughter, every weekend, every school break, basically, every chance that was available, I had her. Our homemade "visitation" ( I hate that word) was very liberal. I took her to her basketball practices/games, swimming practices/meets, I went to every one of her baseball games, (I could'nt take her to these practices because of my work schedule.) Her mom had taken her to very few of these events presumably because of her work schedule. Now, I'm not trying to imply that she is not a good mother, just one that seems to be busy when it comes to extracurricular activities. I still did'nt mind. This past Christmas break when I picked her up which was on a Friday, her mother told me I needed to bring her back on Sunday because of a doctor appointment that she had on Monday. We had a bad snowstorm so the appointment was cancelled and my ex wanted to know if I would just meet her at the doctors office on Thursday for her appointment which I did. Appairently, my ex believed she had some sort of yiest infection, but as it turned out, it was gonnerhea. My daughter had been molested. My ex basically accused me and told me I would not see her until I had a test done and she also wanted tests from my father, brother and nephew. We all got the tests immediatly, which they cost a good bit of money, and we all came back negative. In the meantime, it was made known to us that you can be treated for STD's anominously, so she still would not let her go with me. After being interviewed by social services and the police, I tried many times to get her with no results. I have kept up a dialog with these departments and they tell me that she dont return phone calls, cancels appointments and even quit taking our daughter to the therapy sessions that were recommended after one time. There are still no viable suspects but I had thought I would surley be seeing my daughter by now. Here's where it gets more complicated. I have been offered a job in SC, it is the "dream" job. After all these years, I would finally have full medical benefits for my daughter, be able to up the support and make an overall better life for myself. When I got back from the Carolina's for my interview, I had called the prosecuting attorney to check on the statis of my daughter's case, (the investigating officer had told me he turned it over to them). They could'nt find a record of it. I went to the police station and this officer has now moved out of state. When I told my ex that I had contacted the prosecuter, SHE WENT OFF!, "why did'nt you call me first" and so on. Came right out and accused me of being the pediphile and told me I would be moving "over her dead body, and I'll be getting a letter in the mail". I have retained an attorney, and the wheels are in motion. What are the chances that she can keep me from moving, get charges levied against me and keep me from ever seeing my daughter again?
My daughter's mother has led a permiscuous lifestyle with several of these men shacking up with her from time to time. When this all happened, she was engaged to a guy. Within a week, they we're split up and he was out of the picture. To me, thats suspicious. I have told the police all of this stuff. She also did'nt offer any information to the police to the fact that she has 2 brothers who consistantly have teenage boozin parties and I have found out that upon occasion, my daughter has been at her grandmother's during these parties. My Lawyer just called me a little while ago and said that the paperwork is ready for my signature so I'm off to his office first thing in the morning. We are filing for a motion of joint custody and sole physical custody (does that sound right?) on the grounds that these events happened while in the mother's primary care. We are hoping that I will at the very least, some part of custody and the visitation rights that are mine. There are other issues that can be brought to the table if needed that include child endangerment. I just want to be my daughter's dad. And to have some kind of "say-so" in her life. Another thing is that on Christmas day, I became engaged and am to get married this summer. I think she is also being resentful about that. Also, I have already talked to all the agencies, ie: social sevices, police and the prosecuter and told them about the move. I did this immediatly upon returning from SC. I gave them my new address and phone number. None of them seemed in the least concerned by it and told me they would keep me informed if anything new was discovered. Thanks for any advice.


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RE: Am I going about this right?
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2005, 01:55:08 PM »
No, she can not make you stay in the state but you may not get physical custody of your daughter and it may takes months/years for a full custody battle. Are you going to go back and forth for court? Your daughter is 11 and will not say who "hurt" her?  It sounds like you are in for the long battle and it will be harder if you are out of state. It will have to be a pesonal choice after you weigh all your options.


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RE: Am I going about this right?
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2005, 05:47:20 PM »
   Yes, I am going to travel back and forth for court. If she is telling who it was, she isnt telling the authorities... her mother perhaps. My personal feelings are that her mom is protecting someone in order for her not to get in any trouble. There are alot of factors involved, and nothing thats known for certain is adding up. Thank you for your insight.


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