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Author Topic: Sexual abuse include withholding sex....  (Read 6016 times)

nerd

  • Guest
RE: consider this for a moment
« Reply #10 on: Jan 01, 2004, 01:06:12 PM »
I understand what you are saying, but how do you know that your partner is just playing games??  consider this:  for years my husband did not seem much interested in sex, even though our first year was wonderful.  I imagined all the possibilities from another woman, to I was less desirable, etc, etc.  Then when we did have sex, he sometimes could not maintain an erection.  I thought it was me!  I tried everything.  Finally I told him that I had needs and that unless he made an appointment with a doctor that he was making the decision to suffer the consequences of his decision to ignore my needs.  Well he made his appointment and had a blood test for testosterone levels.  The results came back that his testosterone levels were WAY below normal!  His doctor put him on testosterone supplements and wow what a difference it made.  there are all kinds of symtoms of low testosterone: dry skin, low libido, loss of muscle tone, fatigue, and yes, definately hot flashes!  Most men will not admit that they may have problems with testosterone and fail to seek medical intervention.  I say if a couple is having problems with sex, first check the medical reasons instead of just automatically assuming they are withdrawing sex to be mean.  My husbands problem almost ruined our marriage.  I thought he was no longer interested in me. But it was  his (sorry Brent) "male ego" that prevented him from admitting that he was going through male menapause and seeking medical attention.  He feels so much better now and believe me it can happen to men as young 25!  
On the other hand, low hormone levels in women can also affect the desire for sex, and the one that causes the most trouble?  low testosterone! women need a certain amount of testosterone to get sexually aroused.  
People, do we really believe that there are so many cruel people in this world?? Come on!  sexual desires are absolutly governed by chemical processes not by personality! Don't assume he or she is trying to torture you.  It took me years to get my husband to open up, but hey..The wait was worth it!!  And besides, if you maintain an intimate relationship outside of sex it will hold you together till you can find the solution, you know like, caressing, back rubs, hugs EVERY DAY!  The lack of touch because of sexual problems only puts more distance between a couple.  you made a committment to a relationship, now stick to it and go find a good doctor!  And happy foot rubs


Indigo Mom

  • Guest
RE: consider this for a moment
« Reply #11 on: Jan 02, 2004, 08:21:46 AM »
ok, I considered it....

But I'm talking about all the people who refuse to "give it up" because of headaches, depression, whatever....but those things suddenly disappear when it comes to doing things THEY want to do.  For instance, my ol man...bless his damned heart (lol).  Headaches and him being tired are the "big" thing/excuse around here.  That's all cool, right?  Not when he's able to go hang out with his friends...or his headache isn't "severe" enough to warrant him taking a tylenol and nap.  Football is a HUGE headache causer...yet he'll sit there hooting and hollering, booing and screaming at the TV for gawd only knows how many hours...but a simple wham bam thank you ma'am is "too much" for his head?  NOT....

I know some people have problems.  People with problems KNOW they have a problem.  Obviously, something is "wrong".  The fact that they REFUSE to go to the doctor because it's "embarrassing" shows me they STILL don't give a rats patoot about their partner, their partners feelings or needs.

Regardless of what anyone says (and feel free to call me a sex pig, but hey, i happen to be one of those chics who needs the damned thing) but sex is a HUGE part of a relationship.  H-U-G-E!  When you're having sex all the time, then it suddenly drops off...WTF?  That's wrong.  It's like having chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and supper for months on end....and someone says "screw you, you're eating spinach now".  eh eh....unacceptable.

-----People, do we really believe that there are so many cruel people in this world?? -----

You know what?  I used to think the world was basically a good place filled with pretty good people...then I entered family court and realized that more people are f*cked up and cruel and downright nasty to their "life long" partners.  So yes, there are SO MANY cruel people in this world.  Now, remove the word "cruel" and replace it with "selfish" then reread your sentence.  We live in a TOTALLY selfish place....seems no one gives a shit about anyone else anymore.

Besides using children as pawns...sex is the ULTIMATE weapon.  





nerd

  • Guest
RE: consider this for a moment
« Reply #12 on: Jan 02, 2004, 12:39:27 PM »
Then I do not know how I made it in this world thus far.  I know there are some very selfish people out there.  I run into every day.  I do not know why people tend to neglect their partners after a while or take them for granted.  And it appears you are being very neglected!  A football widow!  I guess you have tried counseling,  tried making some friends outside your husbands crowd, tried joining the moose club, etc.  
none of these things will replace the need for sex, but unless you want to find another partner, , it could give you room to vent frustration...along with a little help from yourself.  

 

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