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Author Topic: I miss my children very much.  (Read 6235 times)

bdmarket

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I miss my children very much.
« on: Jun 04, 2007, 11:50:02 PM »
To make a very long story short.  My ex girlfriend spent the last 6 months planning to leave me of course without telling me.  We've had financial difficulties as I have been feverishly trying to finish my master's degree and working 3rd shit.  She wanted to move back to her home town (8) hours away, and I agreed.  Little did I know she didn't have any plans on me coming.  Her parents show up unexpectedly and just start moving her things....it just so happened that it was about the same time for the kids to go to vacation bible school as they do every summer......the plan was kids go to grandparents 1 week earlier and we stay behind for two more weeks and work....rent a truck and join them in two weeks.  

Of course I didn't know but she had already quit her job and was just planning to leave with them.  After I objected because of our previous agreement and me literally not having no time to say goodbye to my children (ages 11& 8) whom I have supported, loved, and been there for since day 1...... .....her step dad and brother go outside.....they come back in and want to give me money.

Looking back in hind site, they tried to pay me off at the last minute to stay away after I was dumbfounded to find out she was leaving with them.  Her brother wrote me a check for 3 grand but I just thought he was trying to help out.  Bottom line is that he canceled the check, they turned their phones off, and my only family is over 2000 miles away.  We aren't married but have been together for 11 years and now my world has been turned upside down.  I didn't even get to say good bye to my children and now I don't know if I'll ever see them again and it's killing me.  Stupid me heard her step dad mention something about a lawyer while he was here but I had no clue...completely blind sided.   My rights as I have read are so limited that its almost hopeless,  especially now that I have to use what little finances I do have to relocate.  If there is ANYTHING I can do or if you've been in a similar situation, please give me any advice.  I miss them so much it hurts.  I just don't understand how people can be so cruel. What hurts most is I was adopted in the 70's by people who were not nice.  I ended up emancipated by 14.  She knew that if there was 1 thing that was important to me, it was being a loving father to our kids.


FatherTime

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you're not alone.
« Reply #1 on: Jun 05, 2007, 12:42:34 AM »
You have made a good choice in posting here.  You are at one of, if not, THE BEST site for you and your children right now.  The information may not be what you like to hear, but it's honest and sincere.

It'll get better.  Cheer up.  It's [font color=red]NOT[/font] "HOPELESS" !!!

It may seem that it's too much,  to all of us at times, but somehow we make it through. That's better for us and our children.  There are always more options available, so it is never only THIS and THAT.... Don't limit your choices, don't limit yourself.  

Maybe some time grieving is in your best interests at this time.  It's ok to cry.  Spend some time on my site for awhile if you like, but don't stay there and get all depressed.  http://www.geopics.net/fathertime

Your children have a father that loves them so much it hurts.  They don't know it yet, but that's a good thing.  Stay in their lives.  You've already made the decision to be there for them.  Now go and do it, carefully.

Start here at DeltaBravo in making sure that all of your assumptions are more realistic than what they may be now.  Study the laws for the state that would/should have jurisdiction depending upon which state the children have resided in for the last six months and which state is more likely to be the state that the children will be living in for future care.  The Basics.  


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bdmarket

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RE: you're not alone.
« Reply #2 on: Jun 05, 2007, 02:42:11 PM »
Thank you for your kind words.  I know things will get better over time but for now it hurts pretty bad.  I've tried calling them but they just take the phone off of the ringer.  My birthday this year is on fathers day (17th).  I've been waiting for this fathers day for 7 years.. (my b-day & fathers day) and it will just break my heart to not even get to talk to them this year.

I can remember telling her that no matter what we should always make sure that we are always friends for the children's sake and ironically she agreed only to revert to unhealthy and demeaning tactics after her family got involved.  

Thank you for your resources which I will definitely take a look at.  I'm hoping at this point that I can start paying child support right away.  I know that doesn't mean that I can see them but it establishes some basic rights if I'm not mistaken.

It's so great that you good folks are here for so many of us who have to go through such a difficult time.  Life can be challenging "as is" without all the twists and curve balls.  I pray that my children won't fall into the trap of believing the lies that may be told for if they knew how much being a father means to me, they would know.  I've done enough in their lives to hopefully have a positive impact on them.

Don't worry about the crying.  Before all of this, I don't think I had cried in many many years but I've since then made up for it:)  Thanks again for responding to my post!

backwardsbike

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RE: I miss my children very much.
« Reply #3 on: Jun 05, 2007, 06:21:20 PM »
I'm so sorry- you're story is heartbreaking.  I empathize, I'm working on my master's too and its hell.  Then to have your kids wisked out from under you at the same time....

I wish you all the luck in the world.  if you are plaaning to relocate to her area Ihtink you stand a great shot at at least 50- 50.  heck, in most states after 11 years wouldn't you be considered common law spouses?  And youhave a history with these kids- its not like they are infants- they know you and you've been involved in thier lives on a daily basis.  All that should matter as wella s her decpetion which I don't think would look good on her.  Only problem with that is proving it so just go for wanting  to sahre in your kids lives fully as you should.

bdmarket

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RE: I miss my children very much.
« Reply #4 on: Jun 05, 2007, 07:01:08 PM »
Thank you for your encouragement.  Yes, concentrating right now is almost impossible.  My classes are also accelerated into 8 week courses.  If I can just focus it won't be too bad.

I don't know what I am going to do right now.  Unlike everyone else in this situation, I don't want to upset anyone or cause the children more heartache and myself more disappointment.  

I think my best bet is to take calculated steps and learn as much as I can about the process and how it works and be armed with knowledge before I plan my strategy.  Right now, it just hurts like hell.  It's devastating to wake up in the morning and not have your children there to hug and kiss as you have every day for so long.  Right now, I would do anything just to hear their voices.

Thanks again for your reply.  



FatherTime

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RE: you're not alone.
« Reply #5 on: Jun 06, 2007, 12:41:46 AM »
" I pray that my children won't fall into the trap of believing the lies that may be told for if they knew how much being a father means to me, they would know. I've done enough in their lives to hopefully have a positive impact on them."

They'll know, when they see you again.  Children adapt well, and my daughter has shown me that her love for me is just as unconditional as mine is for her.  Faith.

from next post...

"Right now, I would do anything just to hear their voices."
I missed my daughter's laugh.  

FatherTime

Giggles

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You need to act NOW!!!..m
« Reply #6 on: Jun 06, 2007, 07:32:54 AM »
My X pulled this very stunt!!  We were not married either and he thought he could just take our son and split without my knowledge, little did he know that it would backfire on him!

We were going through a rocky time so he called his family in MI and one night when I was out with my family, they swooped in, cleaned out our apartment and took off.  When I found out my son was gone, I immediately went to the court house and filed for Temporary EMERGENCY custody.  It was granted and my X had 48 hours to return our son to me.  He was stupid enough not to and I filed for parental kidnapping charges.  Once he found out there was a warrent for his arrest, he called and told me where I could find our son...I flew up there, and picked up my son.  7 months later we had the custody case and I was granted Sole custody due to him dissapearing with our son like he did...Judges are not too keen on parents doing this.

SOOO..you need to act now!!  There is a thing called "status quo" and if the kids have been gone less than a few weeks, she's upset thier status quo and you stand a good chance of getting them back.  I do recommend you get a lawyer, but you can file for the Temporary Emergency custody yourself and I would do that NOW!!
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!

gemini3

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RE: I miss my children very much.
« Reply #7 on: Jun 06, 2007, 10:10:24 AM »
Are they biologically your children or are they hers from someone else?  If so, who and where is their biological father?

If you're their biological father, your rights are not that limited.  She has no right to move the children from their home against your wishes and then keep you from contacting them.  I would get an attorney NOW, and then file for emergency custody.  Don't wait.  If you have to stop with school for a few months while you get this straightened out it will be worth it.  The longer you let this go on without action the more it will look like you're ok with it.

bdmarket

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RE: I miss my children very much.
« Reply #8 on: Jun 06, 2007, 08:30:12 PM »
Thank you both for your message.  I have contacted a lawyer.  My concern is finding one who will represent me, the father without bias.  I've heard so many horror stories of folks spending thousands of dollars just to find out later the lawyer wasn't truly representing them.  I don't have that money to spend.  

Yes I am the biological father since day 1.  If I can't find a lawyer in the next couple of day's, I will go file myself.  Thanks for the info.  

bdmarket

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RE: You need to act NOW!!!..m
« Reply #9 on: Jun 06, 2007, 08:39:51 PM »
I was wondering if anyone has any information about good lawyers in Missouri, st. louis area?  I've searched the yellow pages but their are tons that deal in family law?  Any advice on how to determine a good lawyer from bad or any verbiage in the ads that I should be looking for.  Any help would be greatly appreciated.


 

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