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Author Topic: Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.  (Read 4768 times)


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Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.
« on: Nov 26, 2003, 07:18:13 PM »
Hi folks, I had a post on the old boards about visitation modification. Since then a few things have changed.

His Ex wife has blocked his visitation yet again. However he has talked to his girls on the phone and they aren't really happy. They are sick of their mom badmouthing their dad all the time.  He is going to court to get his visitation modified so he can see them more, and have an order to back it up.  He is not happy with the girls living conditions however.  This is where I have some questions. He wants to get custody of his daughters but he has no clue how doable it is and neither do I. COuld someone tell me if these are issues that have any bearing on a custody hearing.(he is the NCP)

1.  His ex wife is living with a felon who went to prison for a violent crime and drugs.
2. His daughters have to share a room with two other children, and the 13 year old boy is sharing a room with his two year old sister.

3. His ex wife is pregnant with another child, and no room to put him when he gets older.(this will be child number 7 for her)

4. Even with 645 a month in child support for his daughters, she claims that she can't get by with just that and is always calling for him to send clothing, money, or whatever(he doesn't anymore as i said in the other thread, I know she is just trying to get more money from him, but can this be brought up that she constantly says she can't afford to live without more child support?)

5. Whenever he is allowed to see his children, their hair is never done, their clothing is very dirty. Last time I saw them their socks were so dirty and the shoes so smelly that I threw them away.

6. The fact that she blocks his visitation all the time, and harrasses them when they are on the phone.

I don't know if these are issues that would make the court think that the custody should be changed, and before we bring them up to a lawyer and get laughed out of the office, I thought I would run them by you very smart people :)


  • Guest
RE: Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.
« Reply #1 on: Nov 26, 2003, 10:44:48 PM »
What the courts look for is significant change of circumstance.  This can be anything from an educational standpoint of grades suddenly dropping well below the level previously achieved to BM wanting to move out of state.  You'll have to look at the "big picture" and see where changes may be occurring.  Certainly the birth of another child might represent the change in circumstance given the situation you describe above ... but many children live in intact families with the same situation you've described.

The child support issue likely won't fly -- in fact it might cause you grief if that amount has been in place for a couple of years.  Some states require an automatic review every two years, while others allow the obligee to file for an upward modification if there has been an increase in pay by the obligor, but most will not allow this to happy on a frequent basis.  CS is exactly what the words say -- suppot for the children whose names appear in the court order.  Sadly many CPs just add the CS into the home income and it ends up being a type of hidden "spousal support."  And no, she is not accountable for how she spends that money.  But if you ignore everything else in this post, I suggest that you do not ignore this next  bit ...

Do not pay BM one red cent more than the order.  If the children need things (NEED, not want) and you want to buy them some clothes to keep at your home, fine.  Do that.  But ifyou give her more than the order, it can set precedence for ability to pay and CS could be modified upward on that basis.

If she denies court ordered visitation then you must file contempt charges.  She'll probably be told to play nicely in the sand box and that's about it.  BUT ... it might be enough to prevent her from continuing such stupidity.

Having a convicted felon living there could also be grounds.

I suggest that you do some research on this for your state, read your court order VERY carefully so you know EXACTLY where you stand, and then post questions you may have to Socrateaser.  Be sure to read the Mandatory Guidelines for posting on his board by clicking on the hyperlink at the top of the page "Rules."

If you're really concerned about their living conditions to the point that it is a potential "health hazard" to the children, you can always call and have a welfare check done.  The police will check and make sure things are "acceptable" (perhaps not to your standard though) and will report back to you.

Here are a couple of places to start with empowering yourselves with some knowledge:

[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/circumstances.htm]Defining Substantial Change In Circumstance[/A]

[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/faq/cust_ans4.htm]Custody FAQ 4: I want to change custody[/A]

[A HREF=http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/fedlinks.htm ]TGBs Links - Federal, Multi-State and International[/A]


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RE: Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.
« Reply #2 on: Nov 26, 2003, 11:43:12 PM »
See [a href=http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm" target="new]Tips For Getting Started[/a] and [a href=http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/provepas.htm" target="new]You Don't Have To Prove PAS[/a].


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RE: Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.
« Reply #3 on: Nov 28, 2003, 03:13:42 AM »
I'll tell you the same thing. Check first with your sate laws.  Before you star a custody battle in court, if the situation is taht bad, call social services first.  As soon as you file in court, social services won't do anything, because the case is already in court.

If we don't begin to rise our voices and tell what is going on in the family courts, the system won't change.  And beleive me as soon as you start with the custody, you'll see how hard and painful are these batlles, specially for the kids.

I'll go to TV if I have to do it. I already wrote a letter to Dr. Phill's show and I know that if he notice an overflow of this cases he will have a program on that.  Also I'm writing to some congress man.



Indigo Mom

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RE: Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.
« Reply #4 on: Nov 28, 2003, 11:18:23 AM »
I would find out about the violent crime and drugs used by the boyfriend.  Do you know how far in the past this guy did prison time?  Find this out ASAP, because if it's recent, ya could have a "case"....

Now, my hub works with a guy who has children in another state.  This guy did almost 4 years in prison here for a bunch of "little" crimes.  While he was in prison, his father, who has tons of moolah, sent the mother of the children 1200 per month.  Now, the child support order is only 400.  This guys been out for few years, and STILL sends her about 95% of his paychecks.  I swear to you, the more a person is willing to give, the more the other person is going to take.  Try stopping "extras" and watch out......this woman hubs coworker deals with is the Devil.  She calls because her lights were shut off, he sends money.  She calls because her car died.  He sends money.  He did it so much, she's accustomed to kicking his behind financially.  Tell your hub to send child support AND THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!

ps...nothing is "doable" unless you give it all you've got.

pss...NO lawyer is gonna laugh you out of their office.  They WANT your money, why would they give you the boot?


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RE: Please help me help my spouse, custody battle to begin.
« Reply #5 on: Nov 28, 2003, 02:05:10 PM »
We are fighting against a BM who is engaged to a violent felon. If they live in the area where he was convicted, it will help a LOT. Take LOTS of pictures of the girls when you get them.  Do whatever you can to prove what is going on.

Good Luck!


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