Update on Daughter Comeing to Live with Me...

[oaken_shield]

I am not sure if any of you remember the situation - Daughter was having trouble at her mothers and mother wanted to offload her to me or another relative if I did not take her.  I have custody of a young son from another marriage and was afraid of how it would effect him.

She has been with me since Christmas now and all seems to be going well.  Her mother has decided that she did not want to sign over full custody at the last moment though.  She did supply me with a notarized letter assigning "Temporary custody indefinately" whatever that means.  As for support, she is supposed to be returning to me half of what she gets from child support enforcement but she is saying that she gets paltry sums from them that is not nearly as much as I pay in.  I'm not sure what to believe at this point.  

Any insight to where I should go now?  I would like to get the child support recalculated and corrected but am afraid that when I do, she is going to press for our daughter to return to her.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want it to seem I am just interested in the CS - it's just that she has needs and I am stretched thin right now considering my other ex does not pay a dime in CS even though she has been ordered to.

Overall I am happy to have my daughter with me.  Things have been going well and she has adjusted well so far.  It's just the CS issue that is bothering me and how to handle it without causign a war.

Thanks for all the support and suggestions.  I appreciate it all!

[nosonew]

Yes, I remember....you were really torn and I think all of us told you to go for it!  I'm so glad it is going well.  First things first though...

Okay, how old is daughter, can't remember...

Secondly, you should wait as long as possible to take this to court, like wait at least 6 months, that way dtr has been in YOUR custody for a longer period of time, thus decreasing the chance the judge would send her back to her moms

Third, did you keep any documentation, emails, letters, anything regarding the previous problems?  Did you tape record the phone calls or anything?  If you go right now, you know bm will fight you.  And she could easily win.  If you wait, you can show that you continued to pay cs to her, and there was NO problem with child living with you.  Now that you are having difficulties with finances, bm wants her back due to the money issue.  You'd have a better case if  you wait.  

Anyway, that's what I think.  Glad all is well!!! Hope you can wait til summer!

[Kitty C.]

I'm glad to hear that everything is going well between you, your daughter, and your family.  That 'affidavit' may or may not be worth the paper it's printed on, but it could VERY well go to her 'intent', something an atty. for you might be able to use.  But if you can keep things calm and quiet for at the minimum of 6 months, do it.  It's kind of like establishing residency, of sorts.  If you can keep her with you, she flourishes, and her grades improve with you, the more likely a judge would be willing to make it permanent.  But if you could get at least a temp. order for custody, that would work, too.  Many times temp. becomes perm.

As for the support, I can guarantee you that if you push the issue, she will yank you daughter back in a heartbeat. That BS about her not getting the full amount is exactly what I said it was.....BS.  She's feeding you a line of crap, my friend. I know it's hard financially, but if you can, resolve the custody (permanently) before going after her for support.  You might even want to think about telling her you won't ask for support (right now, but she doesn't have to know that) if she would let you have primary custody.  Then wait about 6-9 months and file a petition for support.

[patton]

The first time I went to court to change Venue and ask for custody I was shot down before I ever got started.  I had only had son for 5-1/2 months...don't know why first attorney didn't deem to tell me this information.

I would also look into your Family Law Code in your state just to make sure it's 6 months.  Be sure you keep excellent records for the six months child is with you.  Document, Document, Document.....and records conversations if your state permits...this will go a long way in court

As for the CS issue, let it go for now...stuggle if you have to, but sounds like that's all Mom is interested in at the present time, where you have your daughter's best interest at heart.

[joni]

six months is the magic number is establish residency with you.

[tulip]

I read the other replies and most of them said what I was going to, but I want to add a couple things. Our atty advised us that 1 of 2 things has to be proven for a judge to change custody. 1 is endangerment, the other is that the child has been "integrated into your home with the consent of the other parent." Sounds like you have a piece of paper that can prove consent, now you need to take time to prove integration. Make sure she is doing well in school, and not getting into trouble like she was before. That way, if bm decides to fight the custody change, you can prove it was in the child's best interest.

I know it's hard to pay support and support the child at the same time. Just remember, the sacrifices you make now will have results in the long run. You really have to wait long enough to establish some permanency.

You said she had agreed to give you back some of the support money. If she does--that's great (but don't hold your breath.) Just make sure you keep receipts of clothes and food and stuff so if you have to, you can prove that the money she gave back to you was spent on your daughter's needs. I know this seems stupid, to have to prove that raising a child costs money, but do it anyway. If you talk to her school, you should be able to get some assistance with lunches, field trips and other expenses while you are waiting.

As far as her not getting all the support you pay. There is an admininstative fee if she is using county collection services. This is very small. If she is, or ever was, receiving public assistance, they may be withholding part of the cs to pay that back. I would check with your support worker to see if you can verify that.