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Author Topic: Blending families  (Read 4365 times)

shutch4251

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Blending families
« on: Jan 22, 2009, 03:45:04 PM »
My GF and I were totally in love and felt as if we were unbreakable and unstoppable. We were like two teenagers together. We decided to move in w/ a total of five kids, my the ages 15, 14, 12, and her two 8 and 3.

Then reality hit of single income, co-parenting, kids and teenager attitudes, etc. When we are alone we are still like teenagers, but throw everyone together and it is stress city from different parenting styles etc.

We are in love but are in the brink of loosing it all.. im a bit scared for the first time in a long long time I feel loved, but we are stretched thin.

any feedback or thoughts on how to merge, manage, and love everyone in the house equally while making them all feel special?


tigger

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Re: Blending families
« Reply #1 on: Jan 22, 2009, 05:13:11 PM »
Live separately.  Date and take it slowly.  You may have no qualms with rushing in but you've got 5 kids that take priority.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

Katies_Dad

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Re: Blending families
« Reply #2 on: Jan 23, 2009, 10:37:33 PM »
I have to agree, I have a 3 year old daughter, and my GF and I have a son together, 9 months old... it all happened far to fast, you can't blend a family overnight, or in a month, or a year, or ever maybe... end result, my daughter and I have moved out, just over 6 weeks ago, my relationship with my GF is healing, and things are going slow, steady, and it's better for all four of us... take your time, don't rush... I don't know if a family can ever be "blended" or not... but I do know it takes a long long time.

tigger

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Re: Blending families
« Reply #3 on: Jan 24, 2009, 06:04:58 AM »
It can happen but especially with teens, there are other considerations than fireworks between the couple.  The dynamics of the blended family are complicated and stand a much better chance at truly blending when it's a slow melting rather than a fast boil.  Damaged hearts, minds and spirits happen with a fast boil.  You want a truly loving relationship between you and your SO and between each adult and child, take it slowly.  It won't be wasted time and you'll end up with a treasured diamond instead of burnt coal ashes.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

blended5

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Re: Blending families
« Reply #4 on: Feb 17, 2009, 03:16:08 PM »
I see I am a little late to the party, but here is my two cents anyway!
My husband and I both had practice marriages that produced fabulous children. We did start slow, he and I dated for a few months and when we decided that it was turning serious, we started to introduce eachother to our children. I would meet him and his kids when my kids were with their dad and he would meet my kids when his were with their mom. Once that was going well, we would meet with all the kids at a McDonald's and have dinner, the kids would play for a while and got to know eachother. Once he and I moved in together, it was shared weekends and at times the stress level would rise. He and I have different parenting styles but we bring out the best in eachother, and after communicating, we present a united front to all of the children. Our kids range from 6 to 14, they all get along most of the time and what we do for one, we do for the others. We try to do one on one time with each of them, picking them up on a day they aren't with us and taking them for ice cream or some other little treat. It isn't perfect but it has made things easier and while we aren't totally blended (if that is even possible) we do feel good about the way things are working. The kids like eachother and they all like to be here. We have taken a couple of trips (driving, all of us) and we have some great pictures and some great memories. It just takes a committment to seeing things work and communication between the adults. Good Luck to you!


 

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