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Author Topic: Update on Newbie that's frustrated.  (Read 2416 times)

HFXMOM

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Update on Newbie that's frustrated.
« on: Feb 22, 2009, 05:26:57 AM »
Update
 
Ok...so my bf got to see his daughter after her borther's b-day party. Good deals!
 
Last night, BF and I were chatting. He asked me what I was thinking about in regards to the "kids" thing. So I finaly spilled and told him that I'm tired of watching him be a "Friend" to his kids and not a parent. He kept trying to male excuses, but eventually he resigned to the fact that I had a point. He tried to tell me that I can feel free to help him parent. I told him that until he learns how to parent, it would only add to the confusion of me stepping in. He didn't see it that way. I told him I refuse to parent his children.  "So what do I need to do to ake the stress of of you?" he asked (god love him). I told him that he needs to step up to bat and parent. I also told him that until I see progress of this happening, I can't not be around him when his children are present for fear that I may need stitches on my tongue. I also told him that I was not trying to make him feel bad, or tell him how to raise his children. He said he knows that all I'm trying to do is help him be a better parent.
 
So today, we went out to run errands. He gets a phone call from his son's SF to make arrangements to pick him up. SF comes out with " it's just going to be you and you daughter there tonight right? Just asking b/c your son wants to know". I believe this to be true, as SF and BM are not the interfering type, and have been  very supportive with us.
 
I couldn't believe my ears! I said to BF " this is why you need to parent your children, your son actually thinks he can tell you who you can and can't have over?!" BF replies.."yeah, I guess you are right about the parenting thing. I DO have to have a chat with him, but what should I say?" I told him that he first had to make his son understand that this  is his house not his sons and he has to be more respectful of that. Once that rule is laid out, he's then to question his son to find out what the reason is for wanting to know "who is going to be there". And why it bothers him so much. Then he can work on things.
 
I was so upset that he immediately understood why I've disengaged from the situation by not wanting to be around his kids. And god love him....when he went to pick up his daughter, he asked my kids and I to go for the drive with him. I know he was trying to include us too. Which makes me love him even more. However I had to decline. He wanted to get together to take everyone skating tomorrow afternoon, but I declined that as well. I told him that this is his weekend with his kids, and he needs to have that. He understood. However, once the children go to bed, I'm willing to bet, he'll call (as usual) and we'll talk for hours (as if he hasn't seen me for weeks). He's having a hard time. We both are. *sigh*


 

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