My step children are 21 & 20, & still in college

[ksmarks]

Husbands two children are 21 & 20 (11/87, & 4/89) both are still in college.  Child support obligations end at 21 in NY, and unless your court orders indicate an agreement to pay for post secondary college expenses the courts cannot order you to pay after age 21.
 
Husbands children have always lived with their mother after the divorce, with dad having visitation; major custody and support issues plagued his relationship with both his ex-wife and as a result his children.  His daughter has had little contact with father, short of Christmas and birthdays.  Step daughter stopped coming to our house all together. She was too busy to go see dying and devoted paternal grandfather even though the trip was arranged during dad's summer vacation visitation period; and she made no contact with her own father for his birthday and father's day even. 
 
 
She goes to college out of state, and all though she is frequently back in the area dad does not hear from her.
 
Last year her mother took dad to court again in a support issue, requesting additional money for child support and that college expenses be allocated to each parent.  ( You member that you have to becareful for what you ask for....)  Dad was paying $660.00 every two weeks all and $5,000.00 a year for college tuition for each child, as well as 80% of non covered medical expenses, (dad & I carry the medical, dental and eye insurance.)
 
Mom's real beef was that I am primary for insurance reasons as NY is a coordination of benefits state. 
 
There is a trial and husband is ordered to pay $178.80 per week for daughter when she is home from college, pro-rated to $58.15 per week, and then 68% of college expenses for daughter, starting with the fall 2009 school year, as well as 100% of medical costs.
 
She goes to college and mom continues to send my husband e-mails and crazy bills, and demands that he transport step daughter to her doctors appointments and do a major part of the transporting back and forth to college, which is a 4 hour drive each way.   
 
Recently my husband receives a bill for summer tuition,  a little over 4k, for one summer class to be taken at the college, dad pays. Then receives another e-mail from his ex-wife that states that he owes additional money.   Husband calls the college and is told that he owes another 2k, plus a $50.00 late fee, as daughter is also taking an internet class this summer.
 
My husband is most upset about the late fee and contacts his daughter, and leaves her a voice mail, he wants bills mailed to him, if he is going to be responsible for them, etc.
 
Step-daughter send him an e-mail: "I am not responsible for my college costs....you can call the college to get information if you kept your bills...." on- and on. Dad writes her back and tells her he is making it her responsibilty as she is the one going to college, etc.
 
Dad can afford to pay college costs becasue we have 5 kids between us, so we had to plan ahead, and live well with in our means.  Issue is that his ex-wife has the daughter taking out student loans to cover mother's share of expenses, so she is of no help, and husband feels torn as to whether or not he should continue to assit his daughter after she turns 21, when she does not appear to appreciate what he is doing now.
 
Has anyone else experienced this type of situation? Any thoughts?
 
 

[ocean]

You can have BM prove the college costs in court and pay only your rated share as court ordered AFTER loans and  scholarships. What does it exactly court ordered about college?
MY SIL just went to court in NY for this. Her order was half of a state school. Judge ruled that half of out of pocket expenses (after child's scholarships and loans were put into place).

If it doesn't say you pay college directly then you wait for BM to send you receipts of what she paid.

Parents can't get info from colleges and her attitude would of gotten no money from me.

NY you pay until they graduate undergraduate school or 22. (21 if no college). When does the oldest graduate?

[ksmarks]

Actually, absent a stipulation that was merged in the divorce documents the court cannot order parent to pay for their children after age 21, absent special circumstances.   There are none in this case that would reach that bar.  (We are in the 4th department & mom is an acting supreme court judges secertary if she could had gotten through 22, or through undergraduate level she would have).
 
Oldest turned 21 in November, dad pays all of his college costs less what he receives in loans.  Courts have no jursitiction over the son as he is 21, and when the case went to court he was in his third year at at two year school, with a gpa of 2.0, no one was going to order that parents had to continue paying for that preformance.
 
 As for the current order that requests that dad pay his 68% states as follows:
 
"With respect to college expenses, there is no reason for step-daughter, to incur college loan obligations as these parents have sufficient income to meet her college expenses...after subtracting any scholarships or grants, but not loans,...."
 
Her attituide is the concern, dad could continue to pay or assist her at college after she turns 21, but should he? And if so to what extent?
 
K
 
 
 
 

[ocean]

I am in NY and have "turn 21 or finish undergraduate degree but no later than age 22". I never asked for that..just what was written in it.

I would base it on grades and attitude towards you. It can even be, you will pay her back after a C or better. My first reaction was e-mailing her back "when your attitude changes, call me and we can talk about college costs".

[MixedBag]

Here's some guidance that the Iowa code (supposedly) contains:

it is from the IA code.

• Each parent will be responsible for an amount not to exceed one-third of the cost of attending an in-state public institution for a court of instruction leading to an undergraduate degree including the reasonable costs for only necessary postsecondary education expenses.
• The child shall contribute a portion of the expenses based upon the child’s financial resources, including, but not limited to the availability of financial aid whether in the form of scholarships, grants or student loans, and the ability of the child to earn income while attending school.
• The child's expected contribution shall be deducted from the cost of postsecondary education and the court shall apportion responsibility for the remaining cost of postsecondary education to each parent. The amount paid by each parent shall not exceed thirty-three and one-third percent of the total cost of postsecondary education.
• A postsecondary education subsidy shall be payable to the child, to the educational institution, or to both, but shall not be payable to the custodial parent.
• A postsecondary education subsidy shall not be awarded if the child has repudiated the parent by publicly disowning the parent, refusing to acknowledge the parent, or by acting in a similar manner.
• The child shall forward, to each parent, reports of grades awarded at the completion of each academic session within ten days of receipt of the reports. Unless otherwise specified by the parties, a postsecondary education subsidy awarded by the court shall be terminated upon the child's completion of the first calendar year of course instruction if the child fails to maintain a cumulative grade point average in the median range or above during that first calendar year. 

Note the last two requirements.....I thought that this was a great initiative.

And since I'm not from Iowa, haven't confirmed that this is actually in the code.  Just copied and pasted from another site where this was a topic of discussion.

[ksmarks]

Thanks, Mixed! I like the last two as well, pretty much how I have handled my three children.  I am going to forward that to my husband.... it is a great starting point!
 
 
Thanks again, I would not have thought to check out other states on this...
 
K

[ksmarks]

Additional issue in this case, is my step children's feelings of entiltlement because their father works hard and makes a modest amount of money.  Their Mother fuels this belief, and he ends up being treated as a paycheck, rather than the involved parent that he wanted  and tired to be in his children's life.

[MixedBag]

If you feel like you're being stepped on, remember that only YOU can put an end to it.
 
 

[ksmarks]

I agree my darling husband is getting stepped on!  However, they are his children and he does love them, he keeps hoping that they will see the light and not be such shumcks. 
 
He took his daughter to a doctors appoinment today, has not seen her since bring her home from college about 3 weeks ago.  No mention of father's day or anything.  He gets home and there is a card from my daughter (21) who is doing an intership in LA wiching him a happy Father's Day, and telling him thank you for all he does for her, and how fantasic he is.....
 
 I can almost garauntee that come Sunday both of my boys willl call him yet it is questionable as to whether or not his will until late in the day if ay all.
 
 I really beleive that their mother ruined them and the courts all assisted her in her endeavor.
 
 Thanks for the post though.... I hope your family has a Happy Holiday.

[Kitty C.]

MB, you are exactly right..........I've always been impressed with IA's standing on children in college.  DH has been fretting about it for some time, because BM has an uncle who has set up funds for nieces' and nephews' college expenses thru his estate.  And it is stipulated in their agreement that that money will be accessed first before anything else.  So DH was worried about having to foot 50% of the rest of the entire bill until I showed him the IA statute.  He was also concerned about still having to pay BM CS after HS graduation and I told him that even if he has to pay anything, it's only if SS can't come up with college costs himself and then ONLY payable to SS, not BM.  DH and I have told both our sons that they will be responsible for obtaining the funds needed for their college educations.  Neither of us have ever believed that parents should be financially responsible for adult children and that includes paying for college, but that's just us......
 
And they've updated this.  It used to be the child had to maintain a certain grade point average for their entire college education to receive court-ordered assistance from either parent.  It's apparent that the state wanted to make sure that children from separated parents were treated no differently than children from intact families with regards to post-secondary education.  Now if they would just put their money where their mouth is in regards to all the other kids from separated parents......